Transitioning from honeymoon phase to the less enchanted phase (dates, girls, younger)
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@Peel ok I will try guys in their 40s now if I can and see if its different
A downside to us 40-somethings is a lot of them aren’t in their physical primes anymore, and most of us have children and exes. We have our own “experience”, so who are we to judge yours?
Most of my boyfriends have been ages 25 to 35. This last guy was 40 but yeah they do seem to get skeeved by experience. Or they just put you in a category of "Not gonna take her home to meet mama."
I am the librarian looking type. I don't look like a loose woman at all! Im told I look sweet, innocent, churchy, schoolteacher ish.Maybe that's what they think they are getting but once we shake the sheets they can just tell I'm experienced.
Not to brag but I am just very body confident and comfortable with bedroom proceedings rather than giggly and shy as I probably was before I caught all my experience.
I'm in a small town but the population here is actually pretty cosmopolitan! Its not a red neck backwater or anything. I am from LA originally though where even there the dudes don't respect an experienced lady.
Surely I'm not the only experienced woman to experience this? I think maybe we just have to get lucky and find an open minded guy or just make amends with the stigma?
I think you might be..
I feel like I'm not understanding what you mean by "an experienced lady", what does that mean? Physically loose, or that you act like some type of professional sex worker, but not in a good way?
Or are you just oversharing TMI with these men? These do sound like hella awkward conversations to be having on a date.. (I'd probably keep that to myself.)
I feel like I'm not understanding what you mean by "an experienced lady", what does that mean? Physically loose, or that you act like some type of professional sex worker, but not in a good way?
Or are you just oversharing TMI with these men? These do sound like hella awkward conversations to be having on a date.. (I'd probably keep that to myself.)
Well I think for one they know I've never been married so unless I went for years being celibate (I actually was celibate for 6 or 7 years) then that means I was most likely sexually active. If they are not dumb its not hard to put 2 and 2 together.
I did try to lie to one guy and told him I was a virgin. He said "Well how do you know so much? Do you watch a lot of p0rn? You are a wild tiger."
So thats an example, they can just tell. Can't you tell how experienced a guy is? I know I can. An experienced guy is confident about what he's doing. An inexperienced guy is timid, hesitant, needs a lot of coaching IME.
I feel like I'm not understanding what you mean by "an experienced lady", what does that mean? Physically loose, or that you act like some type of professional sex worker, but not in a good way?
I always wondered this too - how experienced versus inexperienced comes off.
Yeah I probably should have seen it as a red flag when he asked. He asked how many partners I have had. Obviously it matters to him or he wouldn't have asked. He put me in the "not relationship material" box, but decided to go ahead and have fun, I think. (I didn't tell him but I think he figured it out.)
It's such an outrageous question I can't believe anyone has the nerve to ask it. You're right, it certainly doesn't deserve an answer.
I must observe that even though boomers are old codgers now, we certainly had more sophisticated and respectful to personal privacy feelings about sex than the new crop of folks seem to today.
I was never asked that question nor did I ask it, it would have been thought so out of line as to possibly put an abrupt end to the proceedings, whatever those might have been at the time.
Also agree that 25 yo men might have more unrealistic expectations about an older woman than a man 35+ or older.
Well I think for one they know I've never been married so unless I went for years being celibate (I actually was celibate for 6 or 7 years) then that means I was most likely sexually active. If they are not dumb its not hard to put 2 and 2 together.
I did try to lie to one guy and told him I was a virgin. He said "Well how do you know so much? Do you watch a lot of p0rn? You are a wild tiger."
So thats an example, they can just tell. Can't you tell how experienced a guy is? I know I can. An experienced guy is confident about what he's doing. An inexperienced guy is timid, hesitant, needs a lot of coaching IME.
Lying to a man and telling him that I'm a 40-something-year-old virgin isn't something I would ever do, so I cannot relate to that at all.
~
So you've never been married, big deal. I'm early 40s in a similar boat, never married, no kids. That's a huge perk these days, much less baggage! Of course, I do have my crazy, but at least I'm beautiful. Older men tend to appreciate what youth remains, and it's especially convenient if they have already raised their kids, then you get alot more 1-on-1 time. My ex had young children, and hardly any free time. That doesn't really work for me, I need to be locked up in the bedroom for days with my man.
I think it's nice having someone to grow and build with. But that requires honesty, with yourself and with others, first and foremost.
Well I ended things with him because I realized he's just not that into me.
I was starting to want more and feeling unfulfilled. That said, who knows, if we had started spending more time together maybe I would have started noticing more flaws and gotten turned off. Its easy to keep the romance and passion alive when things are at a distance. From a distance its easy to keep the delusions and fantasies alive and not have to deal with the reality of having a real relationship with a real person, which is not always easy to do.
But regardless, he's just not that into me. I am not even sure if I am that into him because he hasn't let me get close enough to really find out.
That said I agree with everyone! A healthy mature relationship requires sticking it out even after the initial passion wanes.
Its something I have yet to experience. I suppose its a more cuddly cozy type of relationship. Maybe I will someday, or maybe just exist on a diet of short term highly sexual relationships. I don't sneeze at that though my reputation suffers a bit since its not what nice women do.
Question is do I really have to care about my reputation that much to completely alter my lifestyle choices?
/shrug
Just the other day you were talking about how wonderful everything is. What you made you do such an about-face?
You seem to have a lot of hang-ups about what you think other people are thinking. I don't believe strangers or your neighbours are that invested in your personal life to care who is parked at your house and are watching your comings and goings. Even if they were, who cares?
You seem to overshare here about how sexual you are, but then quickly delete those posts. Why are you not comfortable living your life the way you want? You don't need an audience, you don't need anyone's approval (or disapproval).
IMO it seems like there is something lacking in your life. You profess to be okay with the way things are, yet it seems like you're actually full of doubt and just playing a part, without being truly happy or content underneath. I think you need to do some genuine soul-searching so you can give yourself the gift of being at peace with whoever you are.
Lying to a man and telling him that I'm a 40-something-year-old virgin isn't something I would ever do, so I cannot relate to that at all.
~
So you've never been married, big deal. I'm early 40s in a similar boat, never married, no kids. That's a huge perk these days, much less baggage! Of course, I do have my crazy, but at least I'm beautiful. Older men tend to appreciate what youth remains, and it's especially convenient if they have already raised their kids, then you get alot more 1-on-1 time. My ex had young children, and hardly any free time. That doesn't really work for me, I need to be locked up in the bedroom for days with my man.
I think it's nice having someone to grow and build with. But that requires honesty, with yourself and with others, first and foremost.
I was 32 at the time and I really don't know what came over me and why I lied. I think I meant it as a joke at yhe time but it just kinda stuck. I forgot to say just kidding.
I agree, maybe things will be different with a more mature man in his 40s.
@Ruby I agree and I nearly got up and walked out right then. I now know its a red flag if thad topic comes up.
I actually have a whole thread on this forum about this subject and we got a lot of interesting and eye opening replies on there about this very thing.
Surprisingly a lot of men think they are entitled to know a woman's number and won't even touch a more experienced woman. Its not rare at all.
But hopefully I will be able to weed out those guys and maybe build something more stable with someone, if things work out that way.
I don't believe strangers or your neighbours are that invested in your personal life to care who is parked at your house and are watching your comings and goings. Even if they were, who cares?
Exactly.
And how would the neighbors know if the car belongs to a MAN and not a relative or just a friend.
Even if in a small town its been my observation that no one expects mature single women not to have a life.
Just the other day you were talking about how wonderful everything is. What you made you do such an about-face?
You seem to have a lot of hang-ups about what you think other people are thinking. I don't believe strangers or your neighbours are that invested in your personal life to care who is parked at your house and are watching your comings and goings. Even if they were, who cares?
You seem to overshare here about how sexual you are, but then quickly delete those posts. Why are you not comfortable living your life the way you want? You don't need an audience, you don't need anyone's approval (or disapproval).
IMO it seems like there is something lacking in your life. You profess to be okay with the way things are, yet it seems like you're actually full of doubt and just playing a part, without being truly happy or content underneath. I think you need to do some genuine soul-searching so you can give yourself the gift of being at peace with whoever you are.
Well I'm adjusting to small town life after living in big cities all my life. I was hoping things would go better with this guy. I really liked him but he kept me at such a distance. After thinking about it I do think my past was a factor. But that just means we are not a match.
I think I am just a bit bored but as I start dating new people now hopefully things will be better. I learned from this last one another red flag to be aware of.
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Of course, I do have my crazy, but at least I'm beautiful. 
Older men tend to appreciate what youth remains, and it's especially convenient if they have already raised their kids, then you get alot more 1-on-1 time. My ex had young children, and hardly any free time. That doesn't really work for me, I need to be locked up in the bedroom for days with my man.
