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Iknow it's hard, but yes, I also believe she is crushing on Bob so much so she could barely conceal it when she mentioned 'perfect like Bob'. There is no way take that other than to think she thinks Bob is her physical ideal and she is thinking about him a lot.
I would not like that she said that because of what it suggests.
I would not like that she tried to blow it off as your problem.
I would not like that she constantly liking his posts especially while yours go unnoticed.
I know you don't want to give her space out of fear you will lose her, but holding on so tightly to her when she is clearly not holding on to you, will not make her stay.
I think the best thing you could do is to suddenly give her space... be genuinely busy...find others to enjoy hanging out..regain your self-respect and boundaries and let her alone to figure it out.
My GF and I work at the same company and we are both on an informal joke group chat with about 18 other people. Almost every time this other guy (let's call him Bob) posts something there my GF responds with some variation of a laughing emoji or a comment. When I post anything, she hardly ever responds. I know this sounds silly, believe me, but there's more to it. Before we started seeing each other, she would react to almost everything I posted but now that's changed. I'm trying to go through possible reasons for this. I don't think I would be thinking too much about it if it wasn't for the last thing ... About a month or two ago, we were taking a walk and chatting and the topic of kids came up. I have dark hair and she has blue eyes, so she said "our child will be perfect, with dark hair and blue eyes, like Bob". She told me she didn't mean it the way I took it up but in my mind perfect = dark hair and blue eyes = Bob. So in isolation, each of these things doesn't sound bad, but I just don't want to ignore signs I should have paid attention to and then deal with crap later down the line. Opinions? Advice?
The whole thing is unprofessional and a waste of company time and resources. Sounds like 20 people where you work need to grow up a bit.
You two need to sit down and have a serious conversation about all of this. Tell her how you feel and why it makes you doubt her affection.
Usually this clears the air. Occasionally you might break up. However, difficult problems crop up all the time in marriage, so you need to get some practice talking it out. Don’t freak out if it gets a little heated. Be kind and fair.
Iknow it's hard, but yes, I also believe she is crushing on Bob so much so she could barely conceal it when she mentioned 'perfect like Bob'. There is no way take that other than to think she thinks Bob is her physical ideal and she is thinking about him a lot.
I would not like that she said that because of what it suggests.
I would not like that she tried to blow it off as your problem.
I would not like that she constantly liking his posts especially while yours go unnoticed.
I know you don't want to give her space out of fear you will lose her, but holding on so tightly to her when she is clearly not holding on to you, will not make her stay.
I think the best thing you could do is to suddenly give her space... be genuinely busy...find others to enjoy hanging out..regain your self-respect and boundaries and let her alone to figure it out.
thank you, I think you've given some sound advice. Appreciate it
My GF and I work at the same company and we are both on an informal joke group chat with about 18 other people. Almost every time this other guy (let's call him Bob) posts something there my GF responds with some variation of a laughing emoji or a comment. When I post anything, she hardly ever responds. I know this sounds silly, believe me, but there's more to it. Before we started seeing each other, she would react to almost everything I posted but now that's changed. I'm trying to go through possible reasons for this. I don't think I would be thinking too much about it if it wasn't for the last thing ... About a month or two ago, we were taking a walk and chatting and the topic of kids came up. I have dark hair and she has blue eyes, so she said "our child will be perfect, with dark hair and blue eyes, like Bob". She told me she didn't mean it the way I took it up but in my mind perfect = dark hair and blue eyes = Bob. So in isolation, each of these things doesn't sound bad, but I just don't want to ignore signs I should have paid attention to and then deal with crap later down the line. Opinions? Advice?
If nothing else, this girl is rude and insensitive. Move on and let Mr. Brown Eyes see for himself.
No, you are right to acknowledge that something is not right.
As I always say we humans have evolved over millions of years to develop an internal guidance system that alerts us whenever we feel something just feels very off. Trust it.
That she has the hots for "Bob" couldn't be more obvious here. No doubt some will say you are overthinking it, etc. etc., but if you listen to this kind of advice and do nothing, all it does is prolong the inevitable.
The way I look at it, talking to her about it (as some will advise as well) no longer serves any purpose seeing that you already seemed to have discussed this with her, and she knows very well this situation is making you feel uncomfortable.
If that happened to me I'd slowly distance myself from that person.
Think of it this way. Would YOU have ever said to her, a variation of what she told you? Would you have ever told her, "our child will be perfect, with blonde hair and green eyes like (fill in name of a female)? Of course not, you would never have said such a loaded thing to her. So why should she get a pass here?
Different take here:
Maybe (probably) she finds Bob attractive, but that does not equate to "the hots".
Maybe she toned down on giving smilies to the OP to remain low-key at work. Maybe she just sees that as a form of (virtual) PDA?
Who really knows. The best (only) thing for grown adults to do is to talk about it, stay away from acusations, and just get curious, ask questions, and let her know how you FEEL. Two adults can have this conversation, and it will eventually reveal the truth.
My GF and I work at the same company and we are both on an informal joke group chat with about 18 other people. Almost every time this other guy (let's call him Bob) posts something there my GF responds with some variation of a laughing emoji or a comment. When I post anything, she hardly ever responds. I know this sounds silly, believe me, but there's more to it. Before we started seeing each other, she would react to almost everything I posted but now that's changed. I'm trying to go through possible reasons for this. I don't think I would be thinking too much about it if it wasn't for the last thing ... About a month or two ago, we were taking a walk and chatting and the topic of kids came up. I have dark hair and she has blue eyes, so she said "our child will be perfect, with dark hair and blue eyes, like Bob". She told me she didn't mean it the way I took it up but in my mind perfect = dark hair and blue eyes = Bob. So in isolation, each of these things doesn't sound bad, but I just don't want to ignore signs I should have paid attention to and then deal with crap later down the line. Opinions? Advice?
I think she likes Bob more than you.
Try to pay more attention to the other girl in the group chat. If your GF doesn't react to this, it means she doesn't care about you.
Avoid paranoia, always, but be on the lookout if another man (if he is attractive to her) is making her laugh and you're not.
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