Am I being ridiculous? (girlfriend, married, woman, single)
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My GF and I work at the same company and we are both on an informal joke group chat with about 18 other people. Almost every time this other guy (let's call him Bob) posts something there my GF responds with some variation of a laughing emoji or a comment. When I post anything, she hardly ever responds. I know this sounds silly, believe me, but there's more to it. Before we started seeing each other, she would react to almost everything I posted but now that's changed. I'm trying to go through possible reasons for this. I don't think I would be thinking too much about it if it wasn't for the last thing ... About a month or two ago, we were taking a walk and chatting and the topic of kids came up. I have dark hair and she has blue eyes, so she said "our child will be perfect, with dark hair and blue eyes, like Bob". She told me she didn't mean it the way I took it up but in my mind perfect = dark hair and blue eyes = Bob. So in isolation, each of these things doesn't sound bad, but I just don't want to ignore signs I should have paid attention to and then deal with crap later down the line. Opinions? Advice?
No, you are right to acknowledge that something is not right.
As I always say we humans have evolved over millions of years to develop an internal guidance system that alerts us whenever we feel something just feels very off. Trust it.
That she has the hots for "Bob" couldn't be more obvious here. No doubt some will say you are overthinking it, etc. etc., but if you listen to this kind of advice and do nothing, all it does is prolong the inevitable.
The way I look at it, talking to her about it (as some will advise as well) no longer serves any purpose seeing that you already seemed to have discussed this with her, and she knows very well this situation is making you feel uncomfortable.
If that happened to me I'd slowly distance myself from that person.
Think of it this way. Would YOU have ever said to her, a variation of what she told you? Would you have ever told her, "our child will be perfect, with blonde hair and green eyes like (fill in name of a female)? Of course not, you would never have said such a loaded thing to her. So why should she get a pass here?
OP, I don't think the problem is that your girlfriend said, "our child will be perfect, with dark hair and blue eyes, like Bob," but rather the problem is that you don't trust her. It seems to me she made an innocent statement. But if you already have so little faith in her fidelity, you likely are not the right man for her rather than the other way around.
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OP, find another girlfriend. I am more concerned about her not "liking" you posts. That's really odd for a GF, who should be on your side in everything you do. If she's on Bob's side, that's a BIG problem -- even without that conversation. Time for a change.
Ah....she doesn't know much about genetics. Depending on what recessive genes the two of you carry you could end up with other than dark hair and blue eyes. You could have a red headed child or an albino, etc.
As for Bob - is he single or married? Is he likely to give her the time of day? It could easily be a harmless crush. She might be fantasizing about him during sex and that's as far as it will go.
Ask her if she has a crush on him. Maybe ask her how she'd feel if you said how you would like your imaginary child to look like your friend (fill in the blank with an attractive woman you both know.)
Ah....she doesn't know much about genetics. Depending on what recessive genes the two of you carry you could end up with other than dark hair and blue eyes. You could have a red headed child or an albino, etc.
As for Bob - is he single or married? Is he likely to give her the time of day? It could easily be a harmless crush. She might be fantasizing about him during sex and that's as far as it will go.
Ask her if she has a crush on him. Maybe ask her how she'd feel if you said how you would like your imaginary child to look like your friend (fill in the blank with an attractive woman you both know.)
That is awful... and the "that's as far as it will go" bit is scant comfort.
The poor guy needs to, as I said earlier, walk away and never look back.
Way I see it, *if* she is fantasizing about 'Bob', well she can run to him then. I certainly would not stand in her way.
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