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Interesting in the poll 40 people think extra martial affairs would be an issue.
This seems like an insecurity. A bisexual person wouldn't be any more or less prone to that than anybody else.
I think for hetero or homosexual people they are worried that the other sex is more attractive than they are.
I guess the other thing that bugs me about this... The specific concern that a bisexual person in particular would be more apt to cheat, implies that the main or only reason my partner is even with me (and we're married, so I'd hope not!) is that I have a female body and he likes having access to sex with a female body. Any old female body would do, or just...the most appealing one he can get. And that's it. Nothing more to it.
Because the danger being that if he also liked male bodies, he'd NEED one of those to have sex with as well.
Or that the continuation of our relationship fidelity relies upon me continuing to be the most attractive female body that is an option for him to have sex with, perhaps? Like, I can control and isolate and keep other women away and get my hackles up if he talks to another woman, but sheesh how can I control the PERIL from other men... Or I can out-compete those who are anatomically similar but I cannot grow a penis, oh no, what shall I do?
Like this is why it doesn't make sense to me. Aren't people in monogamous relationships because they decided that this one person meets all of their needs for sex and romance and pair-bonding, and because this particular person is special and has value to them?
You can't control another person into faithfulness, against their will. No one's partner is only faithful because they CAN'T cheat... People are faithful because they CHOOSE to be. And anyone who really wants to cheat, is gonna, no matter the plumbing specs that they consider to be appealing. Right?
Though actually.
Now that I think about it.
Something that you've brought up, which is often (if not universally always) truth, is that men are more apt to pursue easy sex for its own sake. And perhaps that could be another specific point in the way that there IS some difference between a bisexual woman and a bisexual man. Like if a bi woman is in a monogamous het relationship, is it even all that likely that she will cheat? She has to try and pursue WOMEN. And the odds she'll do just a one time hookup with ease are not that high. Like I've flirted with other women for months without ever knowing if they'd actually be down for anything. It's one reason why I've been with so many more men than women...when it comes to making sex a reality, men make it far easier than women do. Which brings me to bi men. You've said, if a man wants to hook up with another man, just bounce onto an app and put out the word and in most cities that can happen without too much fuss. This does track with what I know about many guys (though I also maintain that I know many men would legitimately PREFER a loving relationship.)
I wish there were data on this, but I think that bi men being open and honest about it are still pretty rare. I would be curious if bi men are perhaps more apt to cheat, if only because it might be easier for them to find guy/guy hookups?
At least whatever subset of people who were probably always going to be unfaithful in direct proportion to the ease of pulling it off?
Though I still think that if that's how somebody's partner is, if the only reason they don't cheat is because it would be inconvenient or whatever...that relationship's got bigger problems. But that's just like...my opinion.
Interesting in the poll 40 people think extra martial affairs would be an issue.
This seems like an insecurity. A bisexual person wouldn't be any more or less prone to that than anybody else.
I think for hetero or homosexual people they are worried that the other sex is more attractive than they are.
I think that there are a couple of things going on. First I think a lot of women are afraid that if they were to date a guy who claimed to be bisexual, that he might really be 5 on the Kinsey scale and really just using her as a beard to bring along a wife to show around to family and work, but would be having sex with men like Ted Haggard was. Once a woman has kids with one guy, her dating options aren't as good because there is a substantial part of the dating pool that doesn't want to raise someone else's kid. So dating a bisexual man is a bigger risk and women are just really risk adverse.
Second there is also just the perception of the ease of gay men having anonymous sex. In college, i made the mistake of using the public restroom in a rest area off interstate 80 in Vallejo. At night gay men would meet there to have anonymous sex with each other and while in the bathroom, I had guys slipping notes between the door offering to perform sex acts on me. I have never had anything like that happen with women. i don't know how frequent gay men are doing that, but it is pretty common on public restrooms for gay men to write on the stalls to meet them at this stall at a certain time to have sex acts performed by gay men. So there is this perception that I have that anonymous sex is likely pretty widely available to whatever gay man who is interested in having it.
As to bisexual women and the risk of cheating, bisexual women tend to be the most sexually unrestricted, having sex with more partners, more quickly than women overall. Whether or not it is accurate, there is a perception among a lot of men, that women who are more sexually unrestricted are more likely to cheat.
I wouldn't say bisexual men tend to end up in straight relationships more often than not. It's far easier for a man to get an one-night stand with another guy than it is with a woman, especially if she's attractive, and from there begin a romantic relationship.
This is definitely true as far as sex and one-night stands go. What I meant was that when it comes to being in a long-term committed relationship, settling down, and starting a family, in my experience I've found that most bisexual men tend to partner with women and follow the established, traditional (straight) life path. I know it's purely anecdotal, so take it for what it's worth.
Quote:
As a straight man, I find women attractive. I find it difficult to understand why straight women would find any man short of the top 10% attractive, and feel most men are intrinsically less attractive than even an unattractive woman (my own bias is present here, yes).
I give you credit for at least acknowledging your own bias. I've found that many straight men tend to interpret their personal inclinations as objective reality. ("I find women more attractive, therefore women are objectively more attractive than men.") It's a self-fulfilling prophecy -- women are widely considered to be the more attractive sex, and are therefore under greater social pressure to take care of themselves (shave their body hair, wear makeup, style their hair, etc.). Men are valued more-so for what they do, rather than how they look, and can oftentimes get away with poor personal grooming (wearing baggy, unflattering clothing, letting a carpet of hair grow wild on their back, not cleaning under their fingernails, etc).
When a man is attracted to a woman, we're told it's because the woman is attractive. When a man is attracted to another man, it's because "that's the way he's wired". The cause of the attraction suddenly shifts from the object to the viewer. Interesting how that works.
Last edited by csignorelli; 09-10-2022 at 07:04 AM..
I guess the other thing that bugs me about this... The specific concern that a bisexual person in particular would be more apt to cheat, implies that the main or only reason my partner is even with me (and we're married, so I'd hope not!) is that I have a female body and he likes having access to sex with a female body. Any old female body would do, or just...the most appealing one he can get. And that's it. Nothing more to it.
Because the danger being that if he also liked male bodies, he'd NEED one of those to have sex with as well.
Or that the continuation of our relationship fidelity relies upon me continuing to be the most attractive female body that is an option for him to have sex with, perhaps? Like, I can control and isolate and keep other women away and get my hackles up if he talks to another woman, but sheesh how can I control the PERIL from other men... Or I can out-compete those who are anatomically similar but I cannot grow a penis, oh no, what shall I do?
Like this is why it doesn't make sense to me. Aren't people in monogamous relationships because they decided that this one person meets all of their needs for sex and romance and pair-bonding, and because this particular person is special and has value to them?
You can't control another person into faithfulness, against their will. No one's partner is only faithful because they CAN'T cheat... People are faithful because they CHOOSE to be. And anyone who really wants to cheat, is gonna, no matter the plumbing specs that they consider to be appealing. Right?
Though actually.
Now that I think about it.
Something that you've brought up, which is often (if not universally always) truth, is that men are more apt to pursue easy sex for its own sake. And perhaps that could be another specific point in the way that there IS some difference between a bisexual woman and a bisexual man. Like if a bi woman is in a monogamous het relationship, is it even all that likely that she will cheat? She has to try and pursue WOMEN. And the odds she'll do just a one time hookup with ease are not that high. Like I've flirted with other women for months without ever knowing if they'd actually be down for anything. It's one reason why I've been with so many more men than women...when it comes to making sex a reality, men make it far easier than women do. Which brings me to bi men. You've said, if a man wants to hook up with another man, just bounce onto an app and put out the word and in most cities that can happen without too much fuss. This does track with what I know about many guys (though I also maintain that I know many men would legitimately PREFER a loving relationship.)
I wish there were data on this, but I think that bi men being open and honest about it are still pretty rare. I would be curious if bi men are perhaps more apt to cheat, if only because it might be easier for them to find guy/guy hookups?
At least whatever subset of people who were probably always going to be unfaithful in direct proportion to the ease of pulling it off?
Though I still think that if that's how somebody's partner is, if the only reason they don't cheat is because it would be inconvenient or whatever...that relationship's got bigger problems. But that's just like...my opinion.
I think there's several components here and for men and women it's different. First and foremost I think people are insecure as you illustrated above they think that a bisexual person would need both a male and a female to have sex with.
Things are quite different from bisexual men gay men don't want to date them and neither do women just read some of the women's comments here. From the gay men I've talked to they don't like the idea that they can be replaced with a woman from the women I've talked to once you got past the insecurity section of it they view a bisexual man that submissive and less manly.
This is simply observation so don't think that I'm stating this is absolute across the board.
I think that there are a couple of things going on. First I think a lot of women are afraid that if they were to date a guy who claimed to be bisexual, that he might really be 5 on the Kinsey scale and really just using her as a beard to bring along a wife to show around to family and work, but would be having sex with men like Ted Haggard was. Once a woman has kids with one guy, her dating options aren't as good because there is a substantial part of the dating pool that doesn't want to raise someone else's kid. So dating a bisexual man is a bigger risk and women are just really risk adverse.
Second there is also just the perception of the ease of gay men having anonymous sex. In college, i made the mistake of using the public restroom in a rest area off interstate 80 in Vallejo. At night gay men would meet there to have anonymous sex with each other and while in the bathroom, I had guys slipping notes between the door offering to perform sex acts on me. I have never had anything like that happen with women. i don't know how frequent gay men are doing that, but it is pretty common on public restrooms for gay men to write on the stalls to meet them at this stall at a certain time to have sex acts performed by gay men. So there is this perception that I have that anonymous sex is likely pretty widely available to whatever gay man who is interested in having it.
As to bisexual women and the risk of cheating, bisexual women tend to be the most sexually unrestricted, having sex with more partners, more quickly than women overall. Whether or not it is accurate, there is a perception among a lot of men, that women who are more sexually unrestricted are more likely to cheat.
85 on the Kinsey scale wouldn't be using her as a beard because of five is bisexual that would be a six that would be using her as a beard. Even this trope asserts that bisexual men are less masculine because they need a woman to be a beard.
So a woman who has kids with the man that leaves her for a man is worse off than a woman who has kids with a man that leaves her for another woman?
Generally speaking the downlow thing is men who are not honest about their sexuality. A bisexual man that is no more prone to doing that sort of thing than anybody else.
As far as bisexuality among women it seems to be far more accepted probably because men generally don't care.
I would say if you're a bisexual man and you're interested in a woman don't tell her. She would get offended if you ask what guys she slept with so the same standard should apply.
If you're talking marriage that's a different story and you should talk about it if she can't accept you your life is better without her.
I recommend going in meeting guys some of them will talk about it but when it comes down to it they don't care about that.
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