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I’m single, not quite 40, but I recently got a pet and began studying a new degree. I’m not currently in therapy though. Men can fall back on that stuff too ya know!
I will also add that being coupled or "settling with average" men, does not stop feelings of loneliness. Many people who are married and have families complain about feeling alone all the time. Often reporting that kind of loneliness is worse than just being single. .
More typically, it's trade offs.
Like being single in your 40s and having to spend most weekends and some holidays alone is pretty real. And that can get lonely. But you have freedom.
If you had a whole family, you wouldn't be lonely, but you might feel overwhelmed and stressed, especially if you had a hard job and had to support the whole household. Your spouse might be a PITA and you could have a sick kid to take care of. Like I'm talking ... put a bullet in your head stress.
If you only had a spouse/mate and no kids, you might not be lonely, but maybe you feel you're not a great match, and you could find a better one.
So, you're saying the vast majority have decided not to date. Where do you live? Even the single 40s + demographic in my area are still seeking relationship. They've merely grown frustrated with what they perceive as the lack of quality options and therefore proclaim "I don't need a man" and "I'm happy being single" all while buying more pets, getting more degrees, and seeking more therapy all to placate the loneliness. What makes it sad is that many of these women try to guide their younger counterparts into making the same decisions. Not saying this is you, but a lot of women are going to have to get over this princess syndrome. The average man understands he is average and moves accordingly. The average woman believes she is top notch and therefore deserving of the world. Anything less is settling.
Its kind of hilarious how we get criticized no matter what we do.
If we lower our standards we are told we have broken pickers and we only choose bad boys or we are desperate.
If we have standards we are told we have Princess Syndrome and are too picky.
In the end, we might as well take control over our own happiness, and do things to please ourselves, since we get flack no matter what we do anyway.
When people decide to actually live the way they want to, and not live just to avoid being called things like princess or spinster or crazy cat lady, or any other derogatory word directed specifically towards women, then life gets a whole lot better.
Like being single in your 40s and having to spend most weekends and some holidays alone is pretty real. And that can get lonely. But you have freedom.
Freedom is exactly why I choose a single life. I do nothing on weekends or holidays most of the time. Nobody misses me and I have plenty of opportunities to read or go to movies most people wouldn’t like. Autonomy is more important than company.
Its kind of hilarious how we get criticized no matter what we do.
If we lower our standards we are told we have broken pickers and we only choose bad boys or we are desperate.
If we have standards we are told we have Princess Syndrome and are too picky.
In the end, we might as well take control over our own happiness, and do things to please ourselves, since we get flack no matter what we do anyway.
When people decide to actually live the way they want to, and not live just to avoid being called things like princess or spinster or crazy cat lady, or any other derogatory word directed specifically towards women, then life gets a whole lot better.
I noticed most of the guys instead of trying to better understand women are busy trying to attack instead of engage and share information. Personally I adore cats and have always gone against the masses; The little old lady who broke all the rules by catharina ingelman-sundberg.
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Is an average woman as contemptible and unworthy of companionship as an average man? Out in the wild I see average people living average lives together all the time. Here on the internet the consensus seems to be that there is little more worthy of contempt than having a typical flawed human being as a partner, or being a typical flawed human being yourself. Self improvement is great but can be done within the context of a loving family filled with regular fallible humans.
Like being single in your 40s and having to spend most weekends and some holidays alone is pretty real. And that can get lonely. But you have freedom.
Being single isn't the same as being lonely. I'm in my 40s and have probably been single more than I've been coupled at this point. If I spend a weekend alone, it's my choice, not because of a lack of options. The only time I've been alone at any major holiday was during the pandemic when there were travel restrictions and no vaccines. Just because you don't have an SO doesn't mean you have no one.
Freedom is exactly why I choose a single life. I do nothing on weekends or holidays most of the time. Nobody misses me and I have plenty of opportunities to read or go to movies most people wouldn’t like. Autonomy is more important than company.
There's nothing wrong with that. As long as you're happy.
As a matter of fact, I know a guy who has never dated, neither women or men. Has lived with his parents for most of his adulthood (though he may have a 'family' owned apartment now) and has worked in the family business his whole life.
He seems pretty happy with his life.
Sufficient to say, most people expect or need more.
But I will say, even if you want it, sometimes things just don't break your way. Yes, some people are really picky, but there's also some people for whom it is very, very hard to find a relationship.
Is an average woman as contemptible and unworthy of companionship as an average man? Out in the wild I see average people living average lives together all the time. Here on the internet the consensus seems to be that there is little more worthy of contempt than having a typical flawed human being as a partner, or being a typical flawed human being yourself. Self improvement is great but can be done within the context of a loving family filled with regular fallible humans.
The main issue is that studies consistently show that at best, marriage maintains women’s moods at the status quo, while at worst, it does that for men. A good relationship should make both parties happier over the longterm.
Most single women aren’t looking at men as being worthy or unworthy of companionship. They are looking at their lives as they currently are and deciding whether a specific man will add something beneficial to her life. In the past, women would often pick men because they had no means to remain independent. Now that women are pursuing advanced education and pursuing professional careers in numbers that exceed men in some sectors, this incentive is no longer present.
It really seems to be only men who come on here regularly saying that women are not interested in them and they are worthless. For the most part, women who come on here who are single are more likely to be fine with it and are totally happy to spend a weekend alone or pursuing independent activities. If I want company, I go to a Meetup. The main Meetup group I am in is headed by a divorced man who almost always offers holiday hikes. He is happy to lead things most days and is quite busy, just like many older single women. There is certainly nothing preventing men from having the same mentality if that is what they want to do.
Is an average woman as contemptible and unworthy of companionship as an average man? Out in the wild I see average people living average lives together all the time. Here on the internet the consensus seems to be that there is little more worthy of contempt than having a typical flawed human being as a partner, or being a typical flawed human being yourself. Self improvement is great but can be done within the context of a loving family filled with regular fallible humans.
How flawed is average? I would not be willing to date someone with a drug problem, gambling addiction, lots of debt, legal issues, or ex and kids drama. Nor someone who lies, cheats, needs constant female validation and attention (from ex girlfriends, cam girls, strippers, Tinder hookups, etc.), can't keep their bank account in the green, or is unstable/neurotic, has anger issues, road rage, jealousy, or extreme insecurity.
I wouldn't want to inherit someone else's problems, because any problems our partner has become our problems as well. Nor become the target for their neurotic behavior or anger issues or have to deal with their cheating and lying.
Being single and not having to worry about someone else's problems is more than worth it to me. A partner should be a benefit to our lives. A relationship should add something positive. Not be a pity project or something to endure or suffer through.
If average means being good company, emotionally available, honest, faithful, trustworthy, law abiding, responsible, reliable, and mentally stable, then I am perfectly fine with average in a partner. Don't have to look like a male model nor be rich either.
Some people may be willing to enter relationships with people with those problems. Lots of drug addicts, gamblers, and abusers are married.
But some people are happier being on their own if they are not meeting anyone that fits their minimum criteria.
Maybe what I define as average is rare or impossible to find these days? Therefore my standards are unrealistic?
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