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Not always. Some people are not "wired" to connect that way, and that's okay. It's not always a result of trauma, physical problems, fear, etc. It's just how they are. Unfortunately, this is not talked about enough, so people make the assumption that something is "wrong."
Yeah exactly , there's all kinds of personalities in the world. Some just mingle naturally, some really attract the opposite sex with their personality, others are just more low key , some are closed until they trust, some are just quiet . lt doesn't mean quieter people don't meet someone they do all the time, marry all the time.They just don't meet or fit as many or as easily as others, but that's ok , sometimes it even works out better for them in the end than all the social types. Known a lot of people like that.
I think such a person being not wired that way is rare. These are basically hermits. In general humans are a social species. There is divergence.
I was more so referring to people who "don't meet anyone they're romantically" interested in. They're not hermits, shut ins, or siting at home not doing anything. They actually go out and interact with the world but nothing ever really "clicks." And they're fine with just being friends with people. Whether it's because they're too busy, don't prioritize it, or just naturally don't have that component within them. These people exist, probably more than we think. They just don't talk about it. Which is part of the reason why our views are skewed to believe that most if not everyone desires that type of connection. Our society is very relationship focused and promote norms centered around them. So it's easy to overlook and think everyone is driven by that desire.
Researcher Bella DePaulo has been studying this for years and the findings are interesting:
My main complaint is about low quality prospects. This might be a self drag but still holds.
Let me tell you about a guy that has been around pursuing me for years. He is a bipolar felon with a coke habit who I caught lying and cheating within the first few months of our relationship. A young lady started messaging me on SM telling me she just had his baby and to back off. He told me she is some trailer park girl just trying to extort money from him. He lived with his grandparents and was shorter than me.
At first he came across as very artsy and quirky and intelligent, interesting, different. And he was. Even my sister noticed that and she is usually pretty critical of my boyfriends. So I wasn't completely crazy to be attracted to him. And to my credit I wasn't attracted to him just because he was tall or successful. I was attracted to him for his personality.
But he couldn't stop lying and he was drama central.
Just the other day he began messaging me on LinkedIn of all places. Exchanged a few messages but he hasn't changed.
If my option is a bipolar cheating lying felon with addiction issues probably casting a wide net in which I am one of many Hail Mary options when he's going through a possible manic state and hoping to find someone similarly desperate enough at this moment. Well, I will just say no. If these are my options, I'd rather opt out.
At least you can't accuse me of being desperate, having a broken picker, or loving bad boys.
He's got persistence. I'll give him that. And he actually is a pretty unique fella. But this lady doesn't need this drama!!
So just an update on my current dating struggle.
This guy I posted about is still messaging me on LinkedIn. I told him I am not interested in dating him again because it didn't work out the first time because of all this drama. Lying, cheating, his ex hook ups messaging me on social media about just having his baby. And that we didn't have good communication.
He's playing innocent. He says he never lied, never cheated, doesn't remember about his ex hook ups, etc.
Either he truly doesn't remember. That's not a good sign.
Or he's lying about not remembering. Deflecting and gaslighting me about it.
This could have been the perfect opportunity to prove he has changed. To apologize and take accountability for his actions.
I think this guy must be extremely ill, emotionally and psychologically. That's why I am not getting involved. When your dating prospect is extremely mentally ill, better to just say ”No.”
He's probably just desperate right now, reaching out to anyone and everyone, trying to get laid so he doesn't feel so empty. Kind of sad. I think he needs help.
This guy I posted about is still messaging me on LinkedIn. I told him I am not interested in dating him again because it didn't work out the first time because of all this drama. Lying, cheating, his ex hook ups messaging me on social media about just having his baby. And that we didn't have good communication.
He's playing innocent. He says he never lied, never cheated, doesn't remember about his ex hook ups, etc.
Either he truly doesn't remember. That's not a good sign.
Or he's lying about not remembering. Deflecting and gaslighting me about it.
This could have been the perfect opportunity to prove he has changed. To apologize and take accountability for his actions.
I think this guy must be extremely ill, emotionally and psychologically. That's why I am not getting involved. When your dating prospect is extremely mentally ill, better to just say ”No.”
He's probably just desperate right now, reaching out to anyone and everyone, trying to get laid so he doesn't feel so empty. Kind of sad. I think he needs help.
I am not interested. Even if I were interested, I would be taking advantage of someone extremely unstable and unwell, if I were to date him right now. He needs psychological help right now.
I am not interested. Even if I were interested, I would be taking advantage of someone extremely unstable and unwell, if I were to date him right now. He needs psychological help right now.
Then block him sis. Why keep allowing him to have access to you? Most people don't change and you'd only be disappointing yourself expecting them to.
Yeah exactly , there's all kinds of personalities in the world. Some just mingle naturally, some really attract the opposite sex with their personality, others are just more low key , some are closed until they trust, some are just quiet . lt doesn't mean quieter people don't meet someone they do all the time, marry all the time.They just don't meet or fit as many or as easily as others, but that's ok , sometimes it even works out better for them in the end than all the social types. Known a lot of people like that.
Yep and as shown by posts here the other day a lot of people want sparks and to feel amazing chemistry right away like they’ve known you all your life and if that doesn’t happen right away they dismiss it as not having chemistry and move on.
So that hurts people on the quieter side who take a little time to open up and really get to know someone if you dismiss someone as a potential partner off the first few minute meeting.
There were a few people I met who we didn’t say much the first time or two we met at a party or whatever but the more we got to know each other the more we found we clicked.
I’m so glad after the first meeting I didn’t write that person off for life as a potential partner because there weren’t fireworks yet because she didn’t fully open up to me and show me who she was yet and vice versa
Then block him sis. Why keep allowing him to have access to you? Most people don't change and you'd only be disappointing yourself expecting them to.
I was hoping to get through to him by telling him exactly what the problem is. Not to date him again, just to be a good communicator, and not ghost him.
I didn't answer his last message where he was gaslighting me though. If he persists I will tell him there will be no further communication, then that will be that.
This guy I posted about is still messaging me on LinkedIn. I told him I am not interested in dating him again because it didn't work out the first time because of all this drama. Lying, cheating, his ex hook ups messaging me on social media about just having his baby. And that we didn't have good communication.
He's playing innocent. He says he never lied, never cheated, doesn't remember about his ex hook ups, etc.
Either he truly doesn't remember. That's not a good sign.
Or he's lying about not remembering. Deflecting and gaslighting me about it.
This could have been the perfect opportunity to prove he has changed. To apologize and take accountability for his actions.
I think this guy must be extremely ill, emotionally and psychologically. That's why I am not getting involved. When your dating prospect is extremely mentally ill, better to just say ”No.”
He's probably just desperate right now, reaching out to anyone and everyone, trying to get laid so he doesn't feel so empty. Kind of sad. I think he needs help.
I have something similar happening, only because I haven’t blocked him yet. We’ve had 50% great days/dates with fun experiences, I was happy to find someone intelligent and knowledgeable about the area to hang out with. The other 50% of the time though…drama, vague answers about where he goes, who with, who keeps texting while we’re out, what he was mad about, etc.
I was caught up in his push for answers about why I didn’t want to see him again. Some people are like that, just answering with: because there’s too much drama and the pros don’t outweigh the cons isn’t a good enough answer for them. After he finally admitted it was true, all those things I mentioned did happen, he has now moved onto: “You’re worried about dumb things! Your priorities are messed up!” As if insulting me will make me change my mind.
Then block him sis. Why keep allowing him to have access to you? Most people don't change and you'd only be disappointing yourself expecting them to.
Have I told you how smart you are lately? The just “block him” is so obvious. It’s a personality trait/flaw for some of us though, ending the hope that something was happening that had potential. Recognizing it doesn’t work is sometimes painful.
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The just “block him” is so obvious. It’s a personality trait/flaw for some of us though, ending the hope that something was happening that had potential. Recognizing it doesn’t work is sometimes painful.