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Have I told you how smart you are lately? The just “block him” is so obvious. It’s a personality trait/flaw for some of us though, ending the hope that something was happening that had potential. Recognizing it doesn’t work is sometimes painful.
I appreciate the advice, but I wasn't really asking for advice about it. Lol. Just answering the question in the thread.
Its not really a problem. I have no emotions caught up with this man. I was never really even that into him when we actually did date about 10 years ago or more. He was clingy and needy and I eventually caught on that he was extremely ill.
Then he started admitting he had just been diagnosed with bipolar, had stolen money from a charity (a felony), used it to buy coke, was now in mandatory drug rehab (outpatient. Court ordered, I think), had allegedly gotten a young woman pregnant, and was living with his grandparents who were basically his carers. And they didn't look at me too kindly for dating their severely mentally unstable grandson who obviously doesn't make very good life choices. Very poor judgment here.
I don't hate him. I am pretty neutral.
But boy there are some doozies out there! I will sit this one out!
I was hoping to get through to him by telling him exactly what the problem is. Not to date him again, just to be a good communicator, and not ghost him.
I didn't answer his last message where he was gaslighting me though. If he persists I will tell him there will be no further communication, then that will be that.
The struggle is real.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
Have I told you how smart you are lately? The just “block him” is so obvious. It’s a personality trait/flaw for some of us though, ending the hope that something was happening that had potential. Recognizing it doesn’t work is sometimes painful.
I get it. Trust me, I do. It can really suck.
I learned it's very easy for people to carefully construct a favorable image of themselves, but those "flaws" or "kinks" will come out eventually. Potential can be a very deceptive concept when dealing with matters of the heart. Instead of looking at it as a loss, look at it as an opportunity to learn. And also practice. When you see unfavorable or "funny acting" behavior and enforce boundaries, it gets easier the more you do it. You know what you like, don't like, and what it takes for you to get attached emotionally. Eventually you get the hang of it, and the struggle becomes a lot less real haha.
I learned it's very easy for people to carefully construct a favorable image of themselves, but those "flaws" or "kinks" will come out eventually. Potential can be a very deceptive concept when dealing with matters of the heart. Instead of looking at it as a loss, look at it as an opportunity to learn. And also practice. When you see unfavorable or "funny acting" behavior and enforce boundaries, it gets easier the more you do it. You know what you like, don't like, and what it takes for you to get attached emotionally. Eventually you get the hang of it, and the struggle becomes a lot less real haha.
Definitely. This is the....I don't know...4th or 5th guy that's come out of the woodwork recently. From my past. People are pretty resourceful at finding ways to get into contact when they want to. Look my name up on LinkedIn and make an account just to slide into the DMs. Lol
Absolutely, each time I realize the guy is off I tell him "No thanks," and then keep it moving.
The bipolar guy is just the most recent one.
I am just not interested in dating anyone who is "off." Maybe I'm a picky princess. I'm good with that.
Not sure why so many people have issues. I'm not even trying to date right now but they just come sniffing around. Probably because they are desperate and playing the numbers game and sniffing around every Jane, Tina, and Harriet that gives them the time of day.
Its not a good look and its painfully obvious. I wish they would get some standards and some self respect.
Hi guys, I have been doing a lot of reading on the subject of dating and I am very interested to know other people's opinions on this.
What would you say is the most difficult part of meeting someone new or finding a partner in the modern age?
People are so damn flakey it's annoying. Dating is hard for that reason.
Definitely. This is the....I don't know...4th or 5th guy that's come out of the woodwork recently. From my past. People are pretty resourceful at finding ways to get into contact when they want to. Look my name up on LinkedIn and make an account just to slide into the DMs. Lol
Absolutely, each time I realize the guy is off I tell him "No thanks," and then keep it moving.
The bipolar guy is just the most recent one.
I am just not interested in dating anyone who is "off." Maybe I'm a picky princess. I'm good with that.
Not sure why so many people have issues. I'm not even trying to date right now but they just come sniffing around. Probably because they are desperate and playing the numbers game and sniffing around every Jane, Tina, and Harriet that gives them the time of day.
Its not a good look and its painfully obvious. I wish they would get some standards and some self respect.
l suppose you'd be in the US , man it must be a shyt storm over there. Speaking of ex's l heard from mine of 6yrs ago a mth or so back , which l suppose means she's still single, l didn't ask. But honestly could not believe it. She's not only gorgeous and very tastefully as sexy as hell and with a voice that would melt any man, seems as looks seem to rate so damn highly but she's an incredible person and personality. lt's mind boggling if she still is.
Honestly , l'm not possessive nor ever stopped her doing anything but l secretly hated her being around men at work- and that's another thing. She works around 100s of men from all over the world we use to have a running joke bc her voice and accent were just so damn sexy, no talking at work haha, Of course she talked at work before anyone jumps on that, she had to make announcements too actually, all the time, and men literally would be asking about and looking for her.
So hth is she still single.??????
Last we spoke a few yrs back the last guy had ripped her of 10grand, could not believe it.
l suppose you'd be in the US , man it must be a shyt storm over there. Speaking of ex's l heard from mine of 6yrs ago a mth or so back , which l suppose means she's still single, l didn't ask. But honestly could not believe it. She's not only gorgeous and very tastefully as sexy as hell and with a voice that would melt any man, seems as looks seem to rate so damn highly but she's an incredible person and personality. lt's mind boggling if she still is.
Honestly , l'm not possessive nor ever stopped her doing anything but l secretly hated her being around men at work- and that's another thing. She works around 100s of men from all over the world we use to have a running joke bc her voice and accent were just so damn sexy, no talking at work haha, Of course she talked at work before anyone jumps on that, she had to make announcements too actually, all the time, and men literally would be asking about and looking for her.
So hth is she still single.??????
Last we spoke a few yrs back the last guy had ripped her of 10grand, could not believe it.
Honestly, I wonder if part of why dating is such a struggle in the US is because the past couple decades there have been a lot of people teaching young people how to be players and game people and a lot of other toxic stuff.
I think this pretty much started with Tom Leykis who had a radio show in the early 2000s. He was teaching men to play women, treat women like disposable sex objects, don't respect women, that women are evil and only want to drain resources from men and use men to breed then divorce and take everything. It was extremely misogynistic but a LOT of young men listened to him and worshipped him.
Eventually he lost his show, probably was too hateful and misogynistic to be advertising friendly. But these ideas remained and other people started teaching it too and writing books. Now its seems like an epidemic.
I can often tell when I am dating a guy if he has listened to Leykis and follows that stuff. The behavior is basically "selfish jerk" behavior and paranoid misogynistic behavior.
I don't think men are inherently evil or bad people at all. But I think some of them have had these paranoid ideas about women and women-hating ideas normalized. So it affects the way they treat women.
I truly suspect people like Tom Leykis are to blame for ruining dating, marriage, and relationships for probably a whole generation or two in the US.
Obviously not everyone listened to Leykis or followed his teachings. Some people saw through the BS or were too strong minded to believe that BS. But unfortunately a lot have and its hard to find a guy under 45 ~50 or so who wasn't affected by this.
Anyway this is just my theory on what is happening.
And just a lot of women aren't going to put up with that BS either. Especially women with high self worth who are smart enough to see through games. And won't put up with lying, players, or disrespectful behavior. I listened to Leykis so I could "spy" on what the guys I was dating were being told, which was how I was able to recognize it.
A man who is genuinely a gentleman and kind, respectful, and even just polite, to women, is getting harder to find. I know they are still out there though.
A lot of them though seem to be walking around with a chip on their shoulder viewing women as The Enemy who is just out to destroy him and take all his stuff. Its hard to date and fall in love, or trust, someone who views you as a hostile enemy. And who thinks you don't even deserve to be treated with basic human decency.
Yeah right l mean for sure that kind of rubbish is just gonna make a bloody big mess of the already messed up and spread.
But reading through this thread for example , l mean see all the guys complaints about women and their attitudes too , l mean ldk wth goes on but at this rate they're both gonna end up hating the other side.
On another note though l'm in this other forum and tbh l find it hard to fathom with all their multi dating, labels and terms and overboard analyses for absolutely everything, some 3rd date rule, when to text rules, rules of every damn thing, the games of acting this and not being that it goes on and on and on, their attractiveness ratings, just to mention a few there's much more, it's crazy shyt. See a lot of it in this one too, how typical all that stuff is ldk but man , whata mess.
Honestly, I wonder if part of why dating is such a struggle in the US is because the past couple decades there have been a lot of people teaching young people how to be players and game people and a lot of other toxic stuff.
I think this pretty much started with Tom Leykis who had a radio show in the early 2000s. He was teaching men to play women, treat women like disposable sex objects, don't respect women, that women are evil and only want to drain resources from men and use men to breed then divorce and take everything. It was extremely misogynistic but a LOT of young men listened to him and worshipped him.
Eventually he lost his show, probably was too hateful and misogynistic to be advertising friendly. But these ideas remained and other people started teaching it too and writing books. Now its seems like an epidemic.
I can often tell when I am dating a guy if he has listened to Leykis and follows that stuff. The behavior is basically "selfish jerk" behavior and paranoid misogynistic behavior.
I don't think men are inherently evil or bad people at all. But I think some of them have had these paranoid ideas about women and women-hating ideas normalized. So it affects the way they treat women.
I truly suspect people like Tom Leykis are to blame for ruining dating, marriage, and relationships for probably a whole generation or two in the US.
Obviously not everyone listened to Leykis or followed his teachings. Some people saw through the BS or were too strong minded to believe that BS. But unfortunately a lot have and its hard to find a guy under 45 ~50 or so who wasn't affected by this.
Anyway this is just my theory on what is happening.
And just a lot of women aren't going to put up with that BS either. Especially women with high self worth who are smart enough to see through games. And won't put up with lying, players, or disrespectful behavior. I listened to Leykis so I could "spy" on what the guys I was dating were being told, which was how I was able to recognize it.
A man who is genuinely a gentleman and kind, respectful, and even just polite, to women, is getting harder to find. I know they are still out there though.
A lot of them though seem to be walking around with a chip on their shoulder viewing women as The Enemy who is just out to destroy him and take all his stuff. Its hard to date and fall in love, or trust, someone who views you as a hostile enemy. And who thinks you don't even deserve to be treated with basic human decency.
Never heard of him, sounds like a typical immature loser from what you say.
Let's be fair here - the BS comes from both sides. One side does not have a monopoly on BS. This is an issue with PEOPLE in general, not one side or the other.
And one reason - out of several - why I quit initiating was that I got the message that *not* playing games, *not* acting like an idiot, *not* using people, etc. is why I was always rejected. The message I got was, yes, you *have to* play games, act stupid, etc. in order to 'succeed'. Because I refuse to compromise my values and therefore who I am, I quit. Dropped out. Decided "ok, you want me, YOU approach... because if you do then I will know that you are sincere and not a joker."
Looking back over the years - and especially now - it works. For me, at least.
The 'gentlemen' you refer to? More likely than not, they are the ones who, like me, quit initiating and simply go on and live their lives and if someone decides to come into their life, so be it and, if not, so be it as well.
Yeah right l mean for sure that kind of rubbish is just gonna make a bloody big mess of the already messed up and spread.
But reading through this thread for example , l mean see all the guys complaints about women and their attitudes too , l mean ldk wth goes on but at this rate they're both gonna end up hating the other side.
On another note though l'm in this other forum and tbh l find it hard to fathom with all their multi dating, labels and terms and overboard analyses for absolutely everything, some 3rd date rule, when to text rules, rules of every damn thing, the games of acting this and not being that it goes on and on and on, their attractiveness ratings, just to mention a few there's much more, it's crazy shyt. See a lot of it in this one too, how typical all that stuff is ldk but man , whata mess.
I wonder if all those rules and games and stuff are just people trying to feel a sense of control over something which is really unpredictable and uncontrollable. Ie human emotions and attraction and love.
How I see it is that people are at their most vulnerable during this time that they are seeking love, maybe getting feelings for someone, risking rejection, heartbreak, opening themselves up but also risking being deceived, lied to, used, by the one person they are supposed to be able to trust the most (their romantic partner).
Some people can handle the uncertainty better. But some people don't handle it very well. Makes them very anxious and so they look for ways to try to control the process. They try to make it formulaic. "Don't be too eager, she won't respect you." "Make her think other women are after you, it will make her like you more." Etc. All this to try to control someone else's feelings, which really is actually pretty unethical if you think about it. Its emotional manipulation.
I think both genders are guilty of this so I am not putting all the blame on one or the other.
Its the emotional manipulation aspect of it that is really veering into toxic, disordered behavior though. And that is what people are being told to do, as if its normal.
Usually it just backfires. If a guy tries to make me jealous with other women, that's just a turn off to me, and he can go be with those other women. Or if he negs me, well that just makes me feel bad and what's the point of being around someone who insults you or makes passive aggressive jabs? Most people enjoy being around people who make them feel good, not the opposite.
I have never dated women but I am sure there are frustrating things about it. I have read through most of this thread but the complaints that people seem to say the most is that women are picky or just date wealthy men and have unrealistic expectations. If wanting someone to treat you well is unrealistic and picky, then I think women should stand by that. It almost sounds like what they are really saying is "Let us be jerks and don't complain. Be a mindless sex doll with no opinions of your own. Lower the bar so low its underground."
But I don't know what they have actually experienced first hand to make them think those things. In my own experience dating, and having female friends and relatives who date and marry, all the women I know have very realistic expectations. In fact they often seem to put more into the relationship than they get.
But I think that is also how dissatisfaction and resentment can build over time until they fall out of love.
But these are just my own observations and experiences.
I guess everyone has different perspectives on it.
Never heard of him, sounds like a typical immature loser from what you say.
Let's be fair here - the BS comes from both sides. One side does not have a monopoly on BS. This is an issue with PEOPLE in general, not one side or the other.
And one reason - out of several - why I quit initiating was that I got the message that *not* playing games, *not* acting like an idiot, *not* using people, etc. is why I was always rejected. The message I got was, yes, you *have to* play games, act stupid, etc. in order to 'succeed'. Because I refuse to compromise my values and therefore who I am, I quit. Dropped out. Decided "ok, you want me, YOU approach... because if you do then I will know that you are sincere and not a joker."
Looking back over the years - and especially now - it works. For me, at least.
The 'gentlemen' you refer to? More likely than not, they are the ones who, like me, quit initiating and simply go on and live their lives and if someone decides to come into their life, so be it and, if not, so be it as well.
Ok, I can see how this could happen. If I date a man who seems to be acting too nice, or seems too good to be true . It does set off alarm bells.
It seems like it could be love bombing. Or like a hard sale approach which makes you feel pressured or wonder what the catch is? Why is this person trying so hard? What am I missing here? Why are they so eager? If they are this great, why are they single?
Is that really the same as wanting someone to playing games, in the true sense of being emotionally manipulative? I mean I am just taking a guess here. But my guess would be that message came from people who had been love bombed before, and found out the "good guy" act was a manipulation to get them hooked before the real person came out. So being too nice and accommodating can be intuitively off-putting, just as being a rude jerk is as well.
Being put on a pedestal can be uncomfortable because what often follows is that same person knocking you off that pedestal.
Most people want to be e treated decently, with respect, politely, but not made to feel that have been placed on a pedestal.
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The just “block him” is so obvious. It’s a personality trait/flaw for some of us though, ending the hope that something was happening that had potential. Recognizing it doesn’t work is sometimes painful.
