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Lots of us do. I think they key is to look for men that are actually friends with women.
But so many men do tend to separate "friends" from "lovers." I've seen more women say that their husband is their "best friend", whereas, not as many men will say the same thing about their wives. It's almost foreign to some of them that they can have a wife AND a friend in the same person.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mink57
But so many men do tend to separate "friends" from "lovers." I've seen more women say that their husband is their "best friend", whereas, not as many men will say the same thing about their wives. It's almost foreign to some of them that they can have a wife AND a friend in the same person.
Baffling.
Or maybe they actually don't see their wife as a friend.
Baffling to me as well. If I can't see being friends with a person, I'm certainly not going to date them. I don't see the point.
But I meant look for men who are actually friends. Platonic friends. With at least some women.
People want things they didn't want or even care about 50-60 years ago. Luxury goods, huge SUVs, lavish houses and hair, nails and stuff for the kids. Vacations yadda yadda. It's just a different world now and the average man can't provide all of this on his salary. The top 20 percent can. Most mates are codependent nowadays.
I feel very fortunate that I never cared about any of these things. We have never had a SUV, our house is 1300 square feet, and I couldn't care less about luxury goods or having my hair and nails done. Maybe we could have had it all if we were a two-career family, but our choice was for me to stay home with the three kids. I wouldn't have traded that for anything.
If people care that much about all that stuff, by all means let them knock themselves out. It's different for couples without kids, but these days most of the families with kids in which both parents are working, are both working because they truly have to. The ones with all the luxuries you mention are mostly so wealthy that they don't both need to work. At least in my area.
we like pretty and naked. anything else, we merely tolerate.
This is not an accurate statement in my case. I admire my wife's strength and compassion very much. I'm surprised(and lucky) that she tolerates me to be frank. lol
Sigh. As a woman, it hurts to read this. I am honestly wondering if men like women at all, at this point.
Don't take your ideas from dating or relationship forums that are full of trolls and nut cases and people who can't figure out how to have a relationship.
I am on other forums that revolve around other topics, nothing to do with dating or relationships, and the men there all cherish their wives and value their marriages. They see their wives as confidants and friends as well as partners. They cherish their children and do activities with their families and they work at keeping their families strong.
You can't look at a narrow slice of people and draw the conclusion that is how all people think and act.
If the relationship forums are making you unhappy, go and hang out somewhere else where there are mentally healthier people.
Yes, thankfully there are some men on this site who cherish their wives, value their marriages and like women. I'm on other forums as well, but not relationships. Other interests.
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I don't think guys really like a woman that is quite so independent. Maybe "inter"dependent but not too independent. They like women who are a bit more dependent.
I saw some advice on other threads about finding your joy, following your interests. The thing is, you can't do it too much or you won't be that good a candidate for a committed relationship unless the guy is a lot like you are and is in sync with your needs, meaning, he operates the same way you do and respects your need to maintain your interests, hobbies and lifestyle.
Yes, to answer your title question. I do think men like independent women. At least one I know does.
Aside from the motherhood idea, our stories are similar, except that I have found my partner in life, at least since '86. My husband and I are much alike in that we have our own interests, but they are not shared interests. We allow each other space, but are available for the other when needed -- if it's just a hug, or a sacrifice. We are not at all alike in our world views, our ways of approaching situations. We face a problem. We discuss alternatives to respond -- which usually ends up being an argument, and then whichever of us has the greater vested interest makes a decision and we both live with it.
Perhaps you are looking for a level of alikeness that isn't possible when it comes to two free thinking, self-sufficient individuals. Rather than thinking co-joined, think of it as sharing an orbit.
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