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I think you do have a point there generally speaking. It's not so much looking for alikeness as wanting to have a relationship where the friendship comes first and it is solid. Interdependence or healthy co-dependence springs out of that friendship. There are many reasons why that doesn't happen for some people. I used to beat myself up about it, but there are so many factors, some beyond my control, that I stopped doing that. I've done all I can, the rest is up to God (apologies to those who aren't in sync with that). In the meantime, I'm content to engage in activities and interests I enjoy. That's all anyone can do!
Don't take your ideas from dating or relationship forums that are full of trolls and nut cases and people who can't figure out how to have a relationship.
I am on other forums that revolve around other topics, nothing to do with dating or relationships, and the men there all cherish their wives and value their marriages. They see their wives as confidants and friends as well as partners. They cherish their children and do activities with their families and they work at keeping their families strong.
You can't look at a narrow slice of people and draw the conclusion that is how all people think and act.
If the relationship forums are making you unhappy, go and hang out somewhere else where there are mentally healthier people.
This. There are a lot of people on here who are hopeless, yet won't even consider that they are the reason for their relationship woes. Kind of sad, really.
"I have a job and earn an income good enough to share with a partner and any children we may have. I also have the ability to think for myself, but like to share ideas so we can learn from each other" = very desirable.
"I have a job and earn an income good enough to support myself (you can spend your own money) , I also have the ability to think for myself and get upset every time I don't get my own way" = very undesirable.
In 2022 I would associate a female who says she is independent with the later, and would not go anywhere near her. I have been married to a women for who is exactly like the former for 13 years, In true relationships both partners need to be prepared to give up some of their independence.
Last edited by danielsa1775; 11-13-2022 at 10:16 PM..
I think you do have a point there generally speaking. It's not so much looking for alikeness as wanting to have a relationship where the friendship comes first and it is solid. Interdependence or healthy co-dependence springs out of that friendship. There are many reasons why that doesn't happen for some people. I used to beat myself up about it, but there are so many factors, some beyond my control, that I stopped doing that. I've done all I can, the rest is up to God (apologies to those who aren't in sync with that). In the meantime, I'm content to engage in activities and interests I enjoy. That's all anyone can do!
Like you, I'm very independent too. At work, I always wanted/want fairness, and I spoke up strongly when I see unfair treatments from my direct manager. There were very tough tensions between her and MANY of us. My good boss told me that everybody realized I was knowledgeable about my work and had good work ethics, but I was strong headed; sometimes, that was not good for my advantage. I listened to my boss's advice. I learned to tone down somewhat. Long story shor, things got better.
About relationship, I'd like to share this story with you:
Many years ago, I used to be a nursing assistant in a long term care facility. When my coworker and I were taking care of this couple who were married for 60+ years, we talked to the couple and asked the lady: "What's your secret for your such long lasting marriage?" She said: "It's respect for each other and give and take." She did not mention about Love or anything else. I'm sure every young couple, before they got married, they fell in love first. And when people get older and older, they become more realistic, that young love transforms. I find that for any long lasting marriage or relationship, and when people get older, what she said is profound enough.
My marriage of 30+ years is not perfect. We have had ups and downs. We did have lots of conflicts. Both of us are strong headed also. LOL. Looking back, I see most of our arguements or big verbal fights were just starting from little things and disagreements. One wanted to "win" over the other. Eventually, we felt so tired of fighting , we didn't/don't want to argue so much anymore. We want to work things out and have peace. We worked so hard together from 20 something to build a house and have a family, I didn't/don't want to be like in the movie The War of the Roses. So, when I heard that lady saying so, I felt she was so right. I learned to listen to my husband more, and I expected/requested my husband to listen to me more too. Sometimes, I yielded him, but it did not mean I was afraid of him. I wanted to have peace at that moment, and eventually I still could do what I wanted later. That's what give and take mean, I think.
Life is not ideal. Nobody is perfect.
From your post here and a few in some other forums, I see you believe in God, I want to share this "Memo" with you:
A Memo From God
Date: TODAY
To: YOU
From: GOD
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE
I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help.
If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours.
Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.
If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don't despair. There are people in this world for which driving is an unheard of privilege.
Should you have a bad day at work, think of the man who has been out of work for years.
Should you despair over a relationship gone bad, think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.
Should you grieve the passing of another weekend, think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.
Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance, think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror, think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.
Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.
Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities, remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!
Should you decide to send this to a friend, thank you, you may have touched their life in ways you will never know!
Author Unknown
Last edited by AnOrdinaryCitizen; 11-13-2022 at 10:57 PM..
Humans are sexual beings - just like all animal life. Our main purpose here from an evolutionary standpoint is to mate, reproduce and preserve the species. If we don't do that, then we become extinct. Very quickly.
So yes, that is essentially what it boils down to. We are all pretty much just here for the ride.
To reproduce and preserve the species is a necessity not a purpose. If we didn't strive for anything else we would all still be knuckle dragging Neanderthals.
Independent woman to some men is has a job and can pay her own bills..most men want that.
Independent woman to some “modern women” is doesn’t want to spend much time with her man and is more focused on growing her wealth+ hobbies and other friendships than being in a relationship.
If you’re part of that some the problem is very fixable.
I think you have something there. Thing is, that I have observed, men tend to not spend too much time with their woman (often complain about it when they do) and are focused on growing their wealth, hobbies and other friendships, which is fine, and its fine for men to be independent. But when women do likewise, they are too independent, and it is a bad thing. Some men want a woman who is there to support, physically and emotionally his career/job, hobbies and friends, not focus on her own and they cant seem to accept a woman's career/job, hobbies, friends on an equal plain as their own, certainly not take the back seat to hers.
I like women who have their own lives and own circle of friends (aka not needy or reliant on me to make them happy). I have a busy life myself and admittedly am a bit independent. Having a partner that constantly needs attention either over texts or phone calls or expects me to spend a lot of my free time with them just doesn't work for me.
I dated a woman a couple of years ago that always needed more attention than I could give. Every day she blew up my phone with random memes and texts - both over regular texting and Facebook messenger. She also was always needing reassurance and propping up for decisions or when she had a bad day. It wore on me pretty quickly and felt like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders when I broke up with her.
At first it was nice getting the attention as it was opposite of the woman I dated before, but I really want something more in the middle. That being someone who is willing to put in an effort but does it without being over the top and someone that has their own interests/hobbies and circle of friends.
Men don’t like women at all, much less independent women. Women’s only uses to a man are their looks and fertility. Beyond that, women should just stay quiet so their “personality” doesn’t get in the way.
Men don’t like women at all, much less independent women. Women’s only uses to a man are their looks and fertility. Beyond that, women should just stay quiet so their “personality” doesn’t get in the way.
So you are just here to regurgitate manosphere talking points and you aren't interested in listening to what a whole bunch of people (including a bunch of men) have to say? Is that where you're at?
I cannot say it enough. If this is the set of beliefs that you are embracing, then no one will like you. Seriously. No matter if you are a woman, or a man pretending to post as one, no matter if we're talking about what men or women like. Even other men in that world do not genuinely like each other, as they don't genuinely like themselves.
Even the most asexual/aromantic man on these boards, scribbles, showed up on one of these threads to say that yes he LIKES women. As friends, and on the terms he'll accept, but there is no hate or dislike there.
Does it feel good to fill your head with toxic, radioactive sludge? Seriously? Why would you choose to keep doing it? If you are in fact actually a woman for real, then this is some depressive brain gremlin talk and I highly suggest you find some kind of a way to kick it to the curb. Climb out of the hell you are wallowing in, before it eats you up.
Go outside.
Breathe the air.
Eat something delicious.
Listen to joyful music.
Clean up your space.
Take a shower or a bath, a nice long one if you can.
Read a good book.
Do something creative.
Call someone who loves you and who makes you laugh.
Write in a journal.
And for the love of all that's holy get the heck off those red pill boards.
If none of that helps, then I suggest you look for therapy, and consider anti-depressants. Because you really seem to be in a dark place, but you do not have to be.
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, we didn't/don't want to argue so much anymore. We want to work things out and have peace. We worked so hard together from 20 something to build a house and have a family, I didn't/don't want to be like in the movie The War of the Roses. So, when I heard that lady saying so, I felt she was so right. I learned to listen to my husband more, and I expected/requested my husband to listen to me more too. Sometimes, I yielded him, but it did not mean I was afraid of him. I wanted to have peace at that moment, and eventually I still could do what I wanted later. That's what give and take mean, I think.
I cannot rep this post enough.