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People act like kids are "innocent angels," and they're not. Kids are savage, and must be taught how to act, they have to be civilized, they are not born that way. I encountered more monstrous behavior from other kids in any given year of public school than in the entire rest of my adult life combined. They tend to jump on any vulnerability that they sense in a classmate. And at the middle and high school level, those boys have watched "MILF" and "cougar" porn. So yeah, they WOULD tease another boy about such things, they know your son would react.
This bullying doesn't surprise me in the slightest. But honestly, the only way that I know of to handle it...I can see that someone has already mentioned martial arts. I recommend that for a lot of kids, not actually because of its utility for self defense, but more because it increases confidence. Confident kids are a LOT harder to bully. The world of school is not likely to change, but your child can become stronger and more able to bear it.
The other thing I want to say here... Look, when my first husband and I split, I had two teenage sons. And I have no shame in admitting that after feeling trapped and stuck in an unhappy marriage for 18 years, I wanted to enjoy my freedom. And I did. But I did NOT bring any partner around my kids until I'd been with them for long enough to feel that they were a.) Definitely good people, and b.) Going to be around a while. And even then, they did not have a high degree of involvement with my sons. My sons had a father already. As teens, I believed that it was not appropriate to expect them to accept any new partner of mine as a parental figure, unless THEY chose to on their own in time. Most of the situations I've seen someone try to come in as a step-parent with a kid any older than the "small child" years, you get a hell of a nasty power struggle. At best.
What I'm saying is that my partners needed to understand that my kids were a top priority for me, but they also needed to understand that it was MY task to parent them. Not theirs. Respect my need to do my job. I absolutely would not have invited anyone I was dating in the year after my split, to go pick up my kid with me.
I was doing less typical things than you were. I was poly, I had multiple partners. But if any of my sons' classmates knew, it was because they eventually chose who to trust and confide in (or not, as the case may be) and not because I paraded my love life down the sidewalk in front of the schoolyard. And I was careful not to overshare. While, again, I'm not ashamed of anything that I was doing then or now, that doesn't mean my kids needed to know about stuff that would make them uncomfortable. They knew that I was going on dates, or spending time with a group of friends. After I'd been seeing him for 4 months, I started to invite the man I'd later marry to spend time in my home, and I think he went to ONE of my sons' school functions (orchestra concert.) But that was it. And it was my son's choice to invite him, as his father was not able to be there for that one.
(To be clear, the orchestra concert was much later. He met my sons around the 4 month point...after we'd been dating more than a year, he went to the school function that he was invited to by my son. By that point we were exclusive, though we wouldn't live together or marry for another couple years still.)
Last edited by Sonic_Spork; 12-31-2023 at 10:14 AM..
Not commenting on anyone's individual situation but that kind of reasoning could be a contributing factor in why there are so many divorces to begin with. Marriage is a piece of paper.
She may correct me if I am wrong, but I believe that what Eve meant was that that little piece of paper….. does not a marriage make. In other words there’s a lot more to it than a certificate. And that certificate is no guarantee of a successful union. You’ve pretty much said the same thing in citing the high divorce rate.
Apparently that little piece of paper doesn’t mean squat if the relationship goes south. It’s not going to keep you together or cure the relationship ills.
So I am 37 years old woman and been separated from my husband since 7 years.
I dated my ex husband and then married him when I was 24 and he was 37 and people we OK with the age difference.
However, now I am 37 and dating a 26 year old guy since past 8 months, people judge me and think i am a cougar.
I feel bad for the double standards in the society.
The other day some High school bullies from my son's school bullied my son by **** shaming me. My 12 year old son was scarred and I was shocked when he told me what all he had heard from the High school kids.
I feel no one has the right to point out whom I date or am sexually active with as long as I am not breaking the law.
1) People will tease kids at school over anything. I'd have to ask how your 12yo sons schoolmates or the HS kids know small town??
2) This is a case of don't make a big deal about it....and there won't be a big deal about it. My (late) wife was about 8 years older than me. 30 years later or so, they all admit they had concerns but it was a perfect match and we all still get along fine.
P.S. If you live in an affluent area then half the kids in the highschool have significantly older dads than moms. I was the rare reverse case with the exception of the immgrant families in our school district.
Seriously, likely half your sons friends have divorced parents. Calm down and pass on to your son that they are just trolling him.
P.S. Maybe your son hopes your dad gets back in the picture or similar angles and is working you?
...I am 37 and dating a 26 year old guy since past 8 months, people judge me and think i am a cougar.
I feel bad for the double standards in the society.
The other day some High school bullies from my son's school bullied my son by **** shaming me. My 12 year old son was scarred and I was shocked when he told me what all he had heard from the High school kids.
I feel no one has the right to point out whom I date or am sexually active with as long as I am not breaking the law.
Yes, there is absolutely a double standard re men vs. women dating younger. That's also changing, but slowly. You do you. It's nobody's business that you're 37 and dating 26--nobody!
That said, it absolutely is your parental responsibility to behave and conduct yourself in a manner, in ALL areas of your life, that will cause no or minimal damage to your minor child/children. Your minor child's well being should always take priority above your desires--always.
We have a close friend who is 40yo and single. Lately she has taken to posting a few laments about not having a man. She just got herself a dog.
On occasion, I rib her about being a cougar on the prowl.
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My (late) wife was about 8 years older than me. 30 years later or so, they all admit they had concerns but it was a perfect match and we all still get along fine. 
