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1) She is legitimately interested in dating you, and not looking for a father figure for her child.
2) You accept that she is a mom and that her motherly duties will always come before you.
Dating somebody who has children, even one, is hard when you are childless yourself and not really looking to raise children. Most of her attention is going to go to her kid -where it should be- and you may end up feeling neglected. And, if you start playing the other parent role and/or buying the kid toys and what not then you may end up feeling used. Granted, the two of you could hit it off and everything works out wonderfully, but my advice to you is to tread lightly into this and to not expect anything too much, at least in the beginning.
In your initial post, you mentioned that you barely know this woman and you almost say that the child is a deal breaker, so I ask you this:
What do you see in this woman? You sound desperate.
I am 23. I don't have any major dating or relationship experience. Last weekend, I just learned that I have a real chance with one of my friend's sisters, who is 26 years old. I've "known" her, NOT extensively by any stretch for nearly 2 years. Our conversations in the past have been limited to a few sentences here and there, until last weekend where she clearly showed her interest in me.
I am definitely interested on my side. The one and only bump in the road on my end is that she has a child.... A 5 year old child.
The father of the child is not present in their life, however, I don't get the impression that she is looking for a replacement for that in me... which is a good thing.
I think what works against this working out is that you are only 23 and without much dating experience. I think that even if you two really like each other, you're nowhere near ready to settle down. I don't think that you're ready to eventually marry this woman.
Meanwhile, she's 26 and with a 5 year old kid. She's much more mature than you, and for her, her idea of a successful dating arrangement would lead to marrying you. Single parents don't like there to be a parade of different dating partners in front of their kids. She will put the best interests of her child before you. And whoever she next dates long term will eventually meet her child and form a friendship with him. You may not become a father figure for her son, but instead be at least a big brother to him or even an honorary uncle figure.
woah....it's not like he's marrying her tomorrow.....geez louise. Ocuri, if you really do like her why don't you just date her and see where it goes from there?? Maybe you'll find out you guys don't have much in common........or....maybe you will find that she's perfect for you....If you fall in love with somone and you truly love somone for what you were meant to love them for then why does it matter if she has a child? You will learn to love the child just as much........I think it takes a real man to have the maturity and confidence to take on a woman and her child.....not for the immature that's for sure.
When I was in my 20s, I dated a single mom. Prior to that, I would never even consider dating someone with children. The relationship didn't work out, but not because she had a child. Ironically, that was the easiest part of the relationship. But dating someone with kids does require patience and open-mindedness. No matter what, her child will come first, which is as it should be. If you have any problem with that, you need to move on. A child in the picture means a lot of adjustments. She may need to cancel plans at the last minute, she may not be as reachable as you may like, and your time together may be spent doing kid-friendly things with her daughter. I don't say these things to scare you from pursuing anything with her, just trying to make you aware of what you'll be in for. If you choose to pursue anything with this woman, it's important that you both be up front with each other about what you're looking for. If she's looking for something long-term and you're not, obviously it won't work. As a mother, chances are she's very careful about who she lets into her life and who she ultimately lets meet her daughter. I doubt she would want to have a succession of men going before her daughter. Then again, as a single mother, she may just miss the fun of dating and not be looking for anything serious.
Despite your initial post, I would not describe you as desperate. You met someone who's caught your interest and now you're wondering whether to pursue something. Most guys would run screaming from anyone who has kids. They don't want to compete with a child or be a father figure. That's sad. If you're willing to accept this person as part of a package deal, that puts you ahead of the curve. Just remember that it does complicate things and you need to be ready for it. Things could go great with this girl but her daughter may not like you. So just have realistic expectations.
woah....it's not like he's marrying her tomorrow.....geez louise. Ocuri, if you really do like her why don't you just date her and see where it goes from there?? Maybe you'll find out you guys don't have much in common........or....maybe you will find that she's perfect for you....If you fall in love with somone and you truly love somone for what you were meant to love them for then why does it matter if she has a child? You will learn to love the child just as much........I think it takes a real man to have the maturity and confidence to take on a woman and her child.....not for the immature that's for sure.
Things could go great with this girl but her daughter may not like you. So just have realistic expectations.
And then starts his living hell.
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