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BTW whatever guy you think today would make a great husband, won't be when you are 25 or 30. You are still growing as a person. If anything, the wisest thing to do is to just be friends with a lot of guys, and study their personalities and traits. Figure out what kind of guy you would get along best with. And also very importantly, make sure that you both have the same goals and values in life.
Also, of the smart educated men that I have known in my life, none of them met and married a woman that they met in their early twenties. They all waited until they were finished with their education, then got their career going first. Many moved between cities as they were doing this. Their main concern was getting their adult life going, and getting married was low on their priorities. Yes, some of my friends dated in college, but marriage just wasn't on their minds.
I've got a part time job at a major Boston university. Most of my co-workers are college students. None of them are engaged or planning to be. All are excited about graduated, traveling and getting a job. The only married young man is not college educated, and he's separated from his wife. She lives in Miami with their 3 year old child. I'd say that they married way too early.
I have a 24 yo son looking for the same thing...Graduated from unioversity, IT consultant now, played soccer in college. All round good kid.
I'd tell you the same thing that we tell him... Take your time. Enjoy life. Travel. Meet many different people. Experience the world. You're still young. And there is someone out there for you...maybe a bunch of 'em. You'll find them.
I am sure all this "wait, wait, wait" advice is well meant but it all flies in the face of the 'real' statistics out there. First off, a good number of you say that the advice you are giving is what you 'wished' you would have done. Next, it is all well and good to tell Chanteuse to 'wait' but, not to be unkind about it, with the marriage rate of African American women somewhere around 1 in 5 (thats 20%!!) she may just end up waiting whether she wants to or not. I was never advocating that she set out to marry while still in college I was advising that she at least try the equipment out while still in college. Something like 30%(!) of A.A. women never get to try the equipment out even once, while another 20% only get to use it a time or few. The obsession with landing "smart, educated, ambitious, etc. etc." men is palpable, how many actually pull it off, regardless of what they are working with? Maybe thats what Chanteuse meant by "picky". Nothing wrong with 'standards' but it is clear that waiting till these black male engineers, lawyers, doctors, etc. prove themselves in their careers is a losing proposition. Most of them will be quite happily (or not) taken by age 30. A significant percent of them will simply not want to settle down and I can't blame them. Lucky for Chanteuse she has not fallen into the trap of being stuck on ones own race, even so, there are only so many MBA's, CPA's or DDS's around. Someone has to marry tradesmen or artist types, no? One can educate themselves and be the BEST person they can be WHILE learning about the opposite sex and building healthy communication with them. The way we do it is like the way animal breeders keep male and female animals separate until mating time. Is that what humans should do? Just come together for mating? I guess so but the 65% divorce rate with 75% of the divorces initiated by women makes me wonder if another way should be explored.
She's ONLY 20 years old and not finished with college yet!!! Why can't she wait until after she graduates to find a husband? What's the freaking rush for her? Obama and his wife Michelle met at work, and after he graduated from Harvard Law School.
Since you think that she's so different from the rest of us women because she's a black American, why not suggest to her to get pregnant first in order to try to trap a man?
Who said she had to wait for a black male engineer, doctor, lawyer, etc.? I thought we were in the 21st century. And who said it had to be an engineer, doctor or lawyer? How about just a man who isn't an overgrown pubescent? I don't think that's too much to ask for.
Without reading through all the posts, I will say that if you give yourself too readily no guy will continuing pursuing. It's still human nature to desire and want someone who holds back. If they stick with you several months - maybe even six months and show they enjoy YOU and you being upfront telling them that you are not interested in just screwing around, then you'll see who will leave and who will stay.
You have a lot going for you. Hold out.
Also, few have the wisdom on whom to choose for a life mate at your age. You don't want to end in divorce. You will not be the same person at 30 as you are at 20.
I know my opinion is not gonna be popular, but out of my friends those who married their college sweethearts all have very strong marriages. There is something to be said about not wasting your emotions on too many people, not having too much basis for comparison, and being young, flexible, and adaptable. And all those advocates for waiting know darn well what the lifestyle in most places in this country is and how "easy" it is to find somebody later on and what kind of baggage we all accumulate...
Location: Fort Bend County, TX/USA/Mississauga, ON/Canada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Drover
Who said she had to wait for a black male engineer, doctor, lawyer, etc.? I thought we were in the 21st century. And who said it had to be an engineer, doctor or lawyer? How about just a man who isn't an overgrown pubescent? I don't think that's too much to ask for.
Thanks Drover, to be honest-race is the least of my worries & (to me) is not the deciding factor in a good man, regardless of race.
Also, I'm not a golddigger so I'm not seeking out an engineer, doctor, lawyer, or MBA. However, I have to say that if patterns say anything, I don't know if I will end up w/ a black guy or not, I've only dated one (the first guy I dated) & he wasn't even the one who kissed me. In conclusion, I don't have a preference.
On the flipside, I will say that if any of those happen to fall in my lap, then so be it :P.
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