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I certainly do not intend to or feel Im entitled to cut him off from anything. I care a lot about him and becasue I once had a lot of male friends I was cut off from, I would never do this or attempt to do this to him. I wouldn't want him to be totally reliant upon me for companionship. I have responsibilities like everyone else and I can't always be there. I am just a sensitive person. thank-you for all responses.
I prob. should have specified I don't mean you specifically. But when people in general do it...just as a warning, I'd caution you against becoming that kind of gf. Sorry if I was harsh!
The bold print was killing me. I felt like I was being yelled at
Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Mizz Pittsburgh
HE needs to respect the fact that now that he has a girlfriend, things change, like wanting to go visit FEMALE FRIENDS. He could be spending that time with YOU, but yet, she's on his mind. I personally wouldn't have liked that either, and you have a right to be pissed.
I don't agree with that. I have male friends and my boyfriend has female friends. I wouldn't be pissed if he asked if I wanted to go to hang out. As for spending time with her - I don't even see how that would come into play unless you're dealing with an insecure person. "Why are you wasting time going to class/working/visiting your parents/playing basketball with your friends when you could be spending that time with ME?"
My boyfriend's best friend is a girl. During football season they talk all day, every day. On Sunday's she was a permanent fixture in our house. I didn't mind because he would always let me know when she was coming over and they always tried to include me (and whomever she was dating) in their plans. They've been doing this since they were kids and I would never say "okay now that we're serious - she cannot call you after every play! That popping up with a pizza and a 6-pack thing is over."
If she's just a friend it's not a big deal; if she's more than a friend - break up with him and keep it moving.
As far as the OP:it;s been a month. If you're having all these issues after 30 days I day leave now.
Girl, you better than me because I would've nipped that bullcrap in the bud right then and there.. If he was any kind of MAN, he should've texted her and told her that he was with you, and that he'd have to get back to her some other time. Damn, she don't have no other 'friends' she can call and text for HOURS besides him? PUH-LEASE...
Please cut him loose. Save yourself the heartache. You are only 1 month into it. You have to do better. I can already tell that this will not end well.
YOU need to read Steve Harvey's book 'ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE A MAN'. I think you could use a few pointers from a male's perspective.
Boy, I agree...what's up with this having to be nice about stuff...
Sounds like this guy is getting off on stringing women along and getting them to be emotionally dependent on him.
I don't care what anyone says...if a guy has a lot of female friends, it does impact his relationships. Just like if he has a female roommate. He can swear up and down he isn't doing anything with her, but then, if he really wants to date and not create that kind of drama, he would get his own place.
Instead of that tired old whining that "we aren't doing anything, we are just friends." It is as if they want that constant tension.
To me, there is a BIG difference between Jealousy and Being Uncomfortable.
A guy who has to have other women around all the time seems to have an agenda.
Guys have their buddies, and when they have a lot of female friends, it's not the same thing.
Especially when, as with the OP, they have to drag their girlfriend over there and make her feel the same as the other girl.
The OP doesn't want to cut him off from "his girlfriends", but then she doesn't feel special. I guess I would wonder what the heck is going on.
I don't care if you're the most secure person in the world. If your man is seeing other women all the time and calling them "friends", I would wonder about it.
I don't care what anyone says...if a guy has a lot of female friends, it does impact his relationships. Just like if he has a female roommate. He can swear up and down he isn't doing anything with her, but then, if he really wants to date and not create that kind of drama, he would get his own place.
Instead of that tired old whining that "we aren't doing anything, we are just friends." It is as if they want that constant tension.
To me, there is a BIG difference between Jealousy and Being Uncomfortable.
So what would you expect him to do? Move out the second he started dating? What if he still had 10 months on his lease? Would you ask him to skip out on the lease just so you could be comfortable?
Quote:
Originally Posted by nebulous1
I don't care if you're the most secure person in the world. If your man is seeing other women all the time and calling them "friends", I would wonder about it.
I wouldn't have a problem with the female friends that were there before me, no more than I would mind the male friends. One thing I've learned is that most female/male acquaintances usually disappear once you're in a serious relationship and the ones that remain are the true friends who would only be an issue if they think you're screwing over their friend. I would be a little suspicious if he kept popping up with new female friends after we'd started dating though.
I don't see how that fits into the picture at all. A woman with problems is a woman with problems, regardless of when or where sex happens. Might as well have sex sooner, so the stink hits the fan sooner.
The OP is completely overreacting and being immature. A strong & confident woman doesn't immediately size all other women up as "the competition" or wait to see her guy with other girls in order to "see if she's hurt". Unfortunately there are too few strong & confident women in the world. So the OP's reaction is average.. kind of like the behavior on Family Guy is also average.. (meaning, immature and rather dumb)
The OP sounds like she won the lottery of boyfriends. If he has a lot of girlfriends then surprise! He must be good with relating to women! So why not enjoy that? Doesn't every woman want a man who is popular with women? (Yes.) So treat your time with him as a gift that you can share with each other!
It matters because when a woman is having sex with someone she becomes emotionally invested. Sometimes when you are feeling emotional you can't see things as clearly or objectively.
Some women get possessive when they are having sex with a man and think that a woman passing by is after her man. But if you get to know a person BEFORE having sex with them, you can better judge if the friendship is really friendship or if there is cause for concern.
To the OP: I dated a man who was VERY social and friendly. He routine turned exes into friends and socialized. But because he was very honest and open about it, I took him at his word and everything was exactly as he said. If I viewed every female in his life as a potential "next girl", we wouldn't have made it as far as we did. (fyi we stopped seeing each other because both of lives went a little haywire and we needed to handle our personal business without having to worry about a relationship it had nothing to do with his female friends.)
But do you hang out with them as much now, ALONE, as you used to when you were single?
We live in different cities now, but when say hubby and I are visiting....hubby chooses to play ball with friends so I may take that chance to have some time with my male OR female friends, whoever is around.
So funny for us though, it is such NOT a big deal. My male friends love and respect my hubby and vicea versa.
I think* we are also a bit "older" than the OP and as mentioned, these were my college roomies and groomsmen.
But because he was very honest and open about it, I took him at his word and everything was exactly as he said.
I think that's the key; I'm sorry but if the only way I can trust a guy is if he's with me 24 hours a day I don't want him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cr1039
I think* we are also a bit "older" than the OP and as mentioned, these were my college roomies and groomsmen.
I think age has a lot to do with it. I was recently a bridesmaid at one of my ex-boyfriends weddings (we stayed in touch and I know his wife pretty well) and my younger brother thought that was the craziest thing in the world. His exact words "How you marry a chick with a chick you used to bone standing right there"
The OP has never expressed a demand or desire for her bf to cut off all his female friends...just expressed a gut feeling and discomfort about ONE of them. Rightly so, I think...our guts tell us things our hearts would love to ignore. Some ppl on here are making her out to be a jealous, insecure wreck...not the case IMO...she has a valid concern if her bf is putting another woman and her needs first, even in front of his own relationship! Sounds like this friend has no problem driving a wedge b/tween them (and being a woman she knows damn well this is precisely what she is doing by monopolizing his time in this manner) and the bf is allowing her to do it.
I can see that but the boyfriend might not recognize it as an issue. I have a female friend who's man felt uncomfortable about me. She was fine with still carrying on the same way, but being who I am, I told her why she was wrong to do that. That it wasn't about the reality of the situation, it didn't matter that I wasn't a threat. In fact I was the dudes biggest supporter, when she'd come to me about some stuff that she felt he said/did was wrong I'd help her to see his POV. If it wasn't for me they probably wouldn't be together and he's the exact type dude she needs. But like I said, the reality of the situation didn't matter. What mattered is how he FELT about the situation and her blowing it off showed a lack of respect for his FEELINGS. The first time he brought me up to her, she laughed in his face and tried to call me on the spot. Anyways, after our discussion she understood and backed off our communications.
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My male friends love and respect my hubby and vicea versa. 
