Study Abroad- whta would you do? Honestly? (girlfriend, how to, couple)
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I would wait till the father of the child is able to travel with you. You chose to have a child, so the child's needs come first. I think the right thing to do is to either wait for the father to travel with you for the whole year, or make the trip shorter. Maybe you can go for a couple of months instead of a whole year.
Actually, the OP later qualified that the teaching job position would not be permanent, but simultaneous with her 9-month course of study. So we are only talking about 9 months here.
Actually, the OP later qualified that the teaching job position would not be permanent, but simultaneous with her 9-month course of study. So we are only talking about 9 months here.
I sure wish she would have started out thread with all the facts rather than dribbling it out. Nevertheless, nine months is a long time to ask a parent to be separated from his child. Not sure I would agree.
Actually, the OP later qualified that the teaching job position would not be permanent, but simultaneous with her 9-month course of study. So we are only talking about 9 months here.
That's still a long time for the child to be away from his father. The earliest years of a child's life are actually the most critical in terms of development.
It would be fine if the father was ok with it, but he has already stated he does not want the child to go for that length of time. If he wanted, he could actually take some legal action to prevent her from leaving the country with the baby.
When you chose to have a baby with someone, you chose to put that child first and work with that other person to raise the child. You can't go back and undo that decision. She has made her decision, so now she must follow through with her part. She can of course do whatever she wants anyway, but then she would be acting selfishly and not only doing harm to her child (who has no say in the matter) but also the father. She can rationalize it all she wants, and make excuses for herself, but the bottom line is the child should come first.
That's still a long time for the child to be away from his father. The earliest years of a child's life are actually the most critical in terms of development.
It would be fine if the father was ok with it, but he has already stated he does not want the child to go for that length of time. If he wanted, he could actually take some legal action to prevent her from leaving the country with the baby.
When you chose to have a baby with someone, you chose to put that child first and work with that other person to raise the child. You can't go back and undo that decision. She has made her decision, so now she must follow through with her part. She can of course do whatever she wants anyway, but then she would be acting selfishly and not only doing harm to her child (who has no say in the matter) but also the father. She can rationalize it all she wants, and make excuses for herself, but the bottom line is the child should come first.
Yep. Absolutely. Family considerations should always trump career choices. And, when sacrifices are necessary, there have to be assurances and certainty attached to them. Anybody who believes otherwise is doomed to have an unhappy family life.
My word, you're a smug little person. Shows what you know.
Interesting, my view of your persona exactly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
I would offer that, if this is the case, you have your priorities in life exactly backwards. Yes, sometimes one partner has to make a sacrifice on the other person's behalf. But the health of the relationship always takes precedence over the opportunity to pull more swag.
There is a difference between improving quality of life, by taking better jobs, and striving to fulfill a dream. Are you able to see the difference?
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
What's more, having my fair share of 50- and 60-somethings in my circle of friends and colleagues (Something that seems to be an abstraction for you), I also know that the regrets people have tend to be far more involved with relationships they neglected than what they did or didn't accomplish in their careers.
Are you equating the 9 months that the OP will be away, with a lifetime of those 50- and 60year old friends of yours who CHOSE to not get involved with their own families? And yes, I know a lot of 50- and 60- year olds (including my husband) who are happier either doing what they like for much less pay, or who feel liberated to finally do their dream things, after slaving for their families for decades.
There is a difference between improving quality of life, by taking better jobs, and striving to fulfill a dream. Are you able to see the difference?
Are you equating the 9 months that the OP will be away, with a lifetime of those 50- and 60year old friends of yours who CHOSE to not get involved with their own families? And yes, I know a lot of 50- and 60- year olds (including my husband) who are happier either doing what they like for much less pay, or who feel liberated to finally do their dream things, after slaving for their families for decades.
Actually, 'smug' fits you far, far better, along with a few other choice words, because I didn't make the kind of assumptions about your family life that you made about mine (Along with the simpering little emoticon, for good measure). You're the one who chose to cross the line by making that kind of insinuation about my family life.
And, as far as fulfilling the dream is concerned, I'm absolutely certain that there are pretty much any number of other ways that the OP could fulfill her career aspirations without making these demands. It would be one thing if her boyfriend said, "Sure, do it." But he didn't. And steamrolling over him despite his objections would damage the relationship. This is the relationship forum, is it not?
Is the birth of children the death of parents, then?
Not death to the parents, just death to selfishness.
You can be a unselfish and still pursue your dreams while having children. No one is saying she can't have interests or passions. But the raising of the child must come first. I feel this is self-explanatory
Not death to the parents, just death to selfishness.
You can be a unselfish and still pursue your dreams while having children. No one is saying she can't have interests or passions. But the raising of the child must come first. I feel this is self-explanatory
Pursuing one's dreams -- when one has a dream to accomplish something for oneself -- that's selfish by definition. If I go read a book instead of cooking my son a 3-course lunch for tomorrow, I'm being selfish. If I hire a babysitter so I could go to the gym, I'm being selfish. The only way to be completely unselfish is to devote 100% of one's time and thoughts to child care. (Even then, it's still selfish, but A. will have another hissy fit if I take the discussion in that direction.)
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