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I actually encourage my wife to go visit her parents back home or meet on vacation somewhere like the Black Sea for a month. Not for a year though.
Well, a partial relief that someone gets it
I know that a month will be manageable for you, but for the kids.... They will roll their eyes at their Russian peers not understanding them and will go back home just with that. Kids of the people who take vacations for a month, don't pick up the language. I'm saying "a year" hypothetically, most likely something between 6 and 12 months.
1.There's really no "arrangement" or, in other words, compromise, that can be made here, either the kid goes or stays.
This reminded me of a woman I worked with, who sent her baby back to China for her parents to take care of, while she and her husband were working/saving for a downpayment in MA. They saw their child again when he was 2.5 years old. Was it hard on the parents during his formative years? I bet, but they did what they thought they needed to do. Was it hard on the baby/toddler? I'm sure he will not even remember it.
This reminded me of a woman I worked with, who sent her baby back to China for her parents to take care of, while she and her husband were working/saving for a downpayment in MA. They saw their child again when he was 2.5 years old. Was it hard on the parents during his formative years? I bet, but they did what they thought they needed to do. Was it hard on the baby/toddler? I'm sure he will not even remember it.
That was a necessity, and in the end would help give the child a stable home with both parents, studying abroad is a luxury solely for the mother (the OP) at the expense of her relationship with her SO and the SO's time with the kid. I'm not saying the OP should never follow her dreams, not at all, I just don't think this is a good time for her to be doing it. Hey, she wanted opinions, I'm just giving mine.
That was a necessity, and in the end would help give the child a stable home with both parents, studying abroad is a luxury solely for the mother (the OP) at the expense of her relationship with her SO and the SO's time with the kid. I'm not saying the OP should never follow her dreams, not at all, I just don't think this is a good time for her to be doing it. Hey, she wanted opinions, I'm just giving mine.
Sure
If she delays following her dreams for 15 years, the child will be a teenager, when (from the admissions of parents with teenagers) the parent's presence in their children lives is even more important than in toddlerhood. She will most likely going to be 45 by the time her child settles down in life. Well, of course it's never too late to pursue a dream, but she will have endured 20 years of dreaded jobs. When you look at it this way, the paltry one year away, when she had the opportunity, does not look so bad.
How come an enormous sacrifice of 15 years is required of her in a heartbeat (and probably longer if she has more kids), versus a howl about a single year she's asking for?
If she delays following her dreams for 15 years, the child will be a teenager, when (from admissions of the parents of teenagers) the parent's presence in their children lives is even more important than in toddlerhood. She will most likely going to be 45 by the time her child settles down in life. Well, of course it's never too late to pursue a dream, but she will have endured 20 years of dreaded jobs. When you look at it this way, the paltry one year away, when she had the opportunity, does not look so bad.
How come an enormous sacrifice of 15 years is required of her in a heartbeat, versus a howl about a single year she's asking for?
I don't understand what you aren't understanding lol. The main problem here (well without knowing all those other details she hasn't addressed) is that she wants to go without the SO being okay with it, presumably because she's taking the kid with her. When the kid is older that won't be an issue. Teens may need their parents on an emotional level sure, and the OP could talk to her kid via Skype, but a small child ideally needs both parents both emotionally and physically (like hugging, comforting them when they are upset, etc.). According to parents I know, toddlers need much more attention than teens. Well, assuming the teen is an average kid. When I was in 10th grade my mother lived in Germany for a year and I was thrilled! And, no, I didn't cause any trouble while she was gone.
And just because she doesn't go on this right now doesn't mean she is going to be stuck with "dreaded jobs" for the next 20 years. I don't know how you are coming to that conclusion. I know plenty of students that never studied abroad and they found jobs they are happy with just fine.
And just as a side note, I've studied abroad multiple times. I really can't fathom how she's going to handle a kid in tow, all the programs I've been in were extremely intensive.
The main problem here (well without knowing all those other details she hasn't addressed) is that she wants to go without the SO being okay with it,
I get the problem . My problem is that him not being OK with it somehow overrides her opportunity of bettering herself, in the name of the child. I don't see it as a problem a child being away from one of the parents between 3 and 4 years old.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaye02
but a small child ideally needs both parents both emotionally and physically (like hugging, comforting them when they are upset, etc.).
Ideally, yes, but there are many real life situations (that I was offering , like one parent absent for NINE MONTHS on an oil field (we have these flying parents here), or both parents absent for 2.5 years (the Chinese couple)) -without any profound effect on a toddler. I think the sensitivity of babies/toddlers has been taken on yet another unnecessary level in the modern society. One year will hardly make a dent.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaye02
According to parents I know, toddlers need much more attention than teens.
As a parent of two recent toddlers, I know they need a lot of attention, but to tell you the truth, I am surrounded with moms with teens and their level of stress far exceeds mine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaye02
And just because she doesn't go on this right now doesn't mean she is going to be stuck with "dreaded jobs" for the next 20 years. I don't know how you are coming to that conclusion. I know plenty of students that never studied abroad and they found jobs they are happy with just fine.
Maybe "dreaded" was an overkill word, but clearly she will have a job that will be less than her dream job.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaye02
And just as a side note, I've studied abroad multiple times. I really can't fathom how she's going to handle a kid in tow, all the programs I've been in were extremely intensive.
Well, that's where the child care comes in, doesn't it? It sounds like the program she describes has taken care of the parents with kids. If they have a child care, they must have more parents with kids, who can mingle and get even more language practice.
I am planning to take my kids for a year to Russia. Granted, I know the language already, but they need to learn it. My husband will stay behind. Not in the million years it will be considered "breaking of the family". We'll go, we'll spend a year immersed, we'll come back. What's the big deal?
My situation is a bit different as I am doing this for the sake of the kids, not myself, but the outcome is the same - the father stays behind, and lets me realize my dream of my kids speaking Russian.
Jeez, by the sounds of it, the OP is going to jump into the 4th dimension and come back 1 year older, while the rest on the Earth aged 40 years (and missed on their kids as long)! Science fiction.
I don't know how long you've been married, nuala, but you have a solid background and foundation behind you already established. The OP is 25, and I feel her age and her relationship (which can't be very old) is more fragile than yours. She has already mentioned problems she is having with her SO, so I think it's especially important that she stay on work on that.
That was a necessity, and in the end would help give the child a stable home with both parents, studying abroad is a luxury solely for the mother (the OP) at the expense of her relationship with her SO and the SO's time with the kid. I'm not saying the OP should never follow her dreams, not at all, I just don't think this is a good time for her to be doing it. Hey, she wanted opinions, I'm just giving mine.
Yes. The huge difference is that both parents had a goal - they were working together toward something that would serve all family members. This was a real partnership.
I get the problem . My problem is that him not being OK with it somehow overrides her opportunity of bettering herself, in the name of the child. I don't see it as a problem a child being away from one of the parents between 3 and 4 years old.
Ideally, yes, but there are many real life situations (that I was offering , like one parent absent for NINE MONTHS on an oil field (we have these flying parents here), or both parents absent for 2.5 years (the Chinese couple)) -without any profound effect on a toddler. I think the sensitivity of babies/toddlers has been taken on yet another unnecessary level in the modern society. One year will hardly make a dent.
As a parent of two recent toddlers, I know they need a lot of attention, but to tell you the truth, I am surrounded with moms with teens and their level of stress far exceeds mine.
Maybe "dreaded" was an overkill word, but clearly she will have a job that will be less than her dream job.
Well, that's where the child care comes in, doesn't it? It sounds like the program she describes has taken care of the parents with kids. If they have a child care, they must have more parents with kids, who can mingle and get even more language practice.
Well she's trying to override the wants/needs of the father as well, is she not? She said she "can't stand" to be away from her kid for that long yet expects the father to be completely okay with that. I'm sorry, but don't get that. What I was getting at was that the formative years are a precious time for both the child and the parents. When one parent misses out on that because of the other parent that it's going to cause resentment in the relationship. It may or may not be a huge problem for the child but it's a problem for the father. And, I mentioned before, a parent might need to go away for work but the OP's situation is a want not a need.
Not studying abroad isn't going to make that huge of a difference, unless she is planning to teach abroad as a career. Which I can't recall her ever stating.
She didn't say childcare was included in this, or if it would cost her anything out of pocket, I asked but got no response. She did say "all students are encouraged to apply" but my study abroad programs said that as well and didn't provide childcare. It just meant that everyone was eligible not that people should necessarily bring their children. Maybe hers is different.
I am in a very interesting situation in my life right now. I am going to school and I have a 3 years old son. However, the interesting part is that I have this desire within me to go to study abroad in the language that I am studying right now. I am constantly battling with this thought that if I don't I will regret it. But also I live with the child's father who does not want me to leave for a whole year (that's how long the program is). So, really I have to choose either between my relationship struggling or my making my dream come true (or regretting it if I don't go) I want to take the child with me, and I only want to go if I get qualifying financial aid, but am still struggling with the decisions. He cannot come with me because he is not eligible to leave the country for that long due to immigration at this time.
Any advice?
P.S I am 25 years old-just if you guys are curious!
You are a mother first and foremost - YOUR dreams get deferred until HIS needs are all met - which means easy access to his father. In 15 years when he's graduating high school THEN you get to do what YOU want to do
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) is that she wants to go without the SO being okay with it, presumably because she's taking the kid with her. When the kid is older that won't be an issue. Teens may need their parents on an emotional level sure, and the OP could talk to her kid via Skype, but a small child ideally needs both parents both emotionally and physically (like hugging, comforting them when they are upset, etc.). According to parents I know, toddlers need much more attention than teens. Well, assuming the teen is an average kid. When I was in 10th grade my mother lived in Germany for a year and I was thrilled
. I know plenty of students that never studied abroad and they found jobs they are happy with just fine.
, like one parent absent for NINE MONTHS on an oil field (we have these flying parents here), or both parents absent for 2.5 years (the Chinese couple)) -without any profound effect on a toddler. I think the sensitivity of babies/toddlers has been taken on yet another unnecessary level in the modern society. One year will hardly make a dent.
She did say "all students are encouraged to apply" but my study abroad programs said that as well and didn't provide childcare. It just meant that everyone was eligible not that people should necessarily bring their children. Maybe hers is different.
