Study Abroad- whta would you do? Honestly? (married, women, husband)

[katerinaver]

Originally Posted by nuala

Oh the scaredy foreign countries! Kids pick up the language in a matter of weeks. How much will it cost to teach a teenager a language, versus a toddler? And he's not in school yet Not like he's going to miss education.

Where are the supportive partners? She would be expected to support her partner pursuing his dream, right?? Even if it means him spending a year in Iraq, right?? She'll be back in a 1/26th of her life.

Nuala- thank you for your support. I have gotten many negative comments here which I don't mind at all because I did ask for people's opinions but it is nice to hear something positive!

[katerinaver]

Originally Posted by Kaye02

Nevermind that she is going to ruin her relationship with the kids father. I'm guessing if the father wanted to go overseas for a year and take the kid with him most would not be in favor, just a hunch.

if he wanted to do this- I would support him!

[katerinaver]

Originally Posted by Aylalou

I'm very big on people following their dreams -- but not in this case. You are a family now, and that takes priority. You don't know how your relationship will be with your SO when you come back. I believe you can find a way to do this same thing, somehow, in 15 years when your "kid" is in college. You also don't know if you will regret losing your family of three which you may not be able to get back, and may never find an equal replacement. That is a foundation, a true blessing of which I feel you don't realize the importance to you now but which you will later when you are more mature. Don't take it for granted.

The other is a desire, a dream. A foundation is stronger, lasting, made of human beings who care for each other. There is nothing better in this whole world. The other cannot duplicate this, and silly people don't discover this until it's too late.

I appreciate your advice but here's my opinion: I find that my significant other doesn't support me in a lot of things. I feel like why should I wait 15 years for my dream? Yes we have a family but we survived getting past an unplanned pregnancy and enjoying our child so why can't we deal with this?

[katerinaver]

Originally Posted by Ticatica

^^^Ditto.

When I saw the blurb I was so ready to encourage you until you got to the part about your husband. That's pretty rough emotionally to be apart so long. I would advise leaving the baby so he still has his child with him as a comfort or waiting for a few years to do it together. Sorry, girl.

First of all he is not my husband and second i doubt he will stay with his son alone. I do mostly everything with our son anyway, he does play with him but that's where it stops.

[katerinaver]

Originally Posted by teatime

Without frequent reinforcement (i.e., returning to the country), the experience won't take lasting hold. I know plenty of people who spent their early childhood in various places for a couple of years and don't remember much. Let's just call this what it is -- a great opportunity for the mum and the kid would simply be tagging along.

As another person commented, quality programs do NOT recommend taking along small children. That was my experience, as well, when I looked into grad. study elsewhere.

you know i have to disagree here this is a quality program it is also a really big program and encourages all students to apply

[jungeon]

Originally Posted by katerinaver

I am in a very interesting situation in my life right now. I am going to school and I have a 3 years old son. However, the interesting part is that I have this desire within me to go to study abroad in the language that I am studying right now. I am constantly battling with this thought that if I don't I will regret it. But also I live with the child's father who does not want me to leave for a whole year (that's how long the program is). So, really I have to choose either between my relationship struggling or my making my dream come true (or regretting it if I don't go) I want to take the child with me, and I only want to go if I get qualifying financial aid, but am still struggling with the decisions. He cannot come with me because he is not eligible to leave the country for that long due to immigration at this time.
Any advice?
P.S I am 25 years old-just if you guys are curious!

You need to be both more selfish and less selfish.
1)You have a kid and that comes first in your life now
2)You have a husband/partner whom you should be dedicated to.

3)It is not fair that you uproot your son's life to pursue you own dream . You have every right to pursue your dream and study abraod in language and your husband should support evenif your wrong, I don't even get why this is but he should. On the other hand you need to be less selfish, leave your son behind, it will be better for him.

[Kaye02]

Originally Posted by katerinaver

you know i have to disagree here this is a quality program it is also a really big program and encourages all students to apply

Just out of curiosity.........Is daycare provided? And, what country are we talking here? I've never seen a study abroad program where people were encouraged to bring children, but I suppose it could exist. Why don't you just leave the kid here while you go abroad for a year?

[studedude]

You have apparently made up your mind to go. Just curious, why did you ask? For those who mentioned a year in Iraq. I would give the same advise to a man/woman who wanted to join the military. Put marriage, commitment, family plans aside. They have to wait until you are not an absentee parent.

[Redisca]

Originally Posted by katerinaver

I am in a very interesting situation in my life right now. I am going to school and I have a 3 years old son. However, the interesting part is that I have this desire within me to go to study abroad in the language that I am studying right now. I am constantly battling with this thought that if I don't I will regret it. But also I live with the child's father who does not want me to leave for a whole year (that's how long the program is). So, really I have to choose either between my relationship struggling or my making my dream come true (or regretting it if I don't go) I want to take the child with me, and I only want to go if I get qualifying financial aid, but am still struggling with the decisions. He cannot come with me because he is not eligible to leave the country for that long due to immigration at this time.
Any advice?
P.S I am 25 years old-just if you guys are curious!

There is a practical side to this. And the side is that under international regulations (which are very strictly enforced, by the way), you cannot take a minor child out of the country unless you have the other parent's written permission. So if your SO is adamantly opposed to this, you won't be able to take your son along, anyhow. That's the practical side.

On the moral side, I am not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, you are talking about either splitting a family for a year or putting your SO in an impossible position of dropping his job and career to go to another country with you. On the other hand, it's only a year; and as someone who spent time living and studying abroad, I can attest that this is a one of a kind experience which changes your life. Unlike most people, probably, I don't believe that having a family means you must put your needs and wants completely on hold for 2 decades. A family is also about compromise, accommodating each other, and promoting each others' careers. People take up stints abroad for much longer periods all the time, and their SO's (wives, usually) drop everything to go with them, or else wait patiently until the stint is over. There are tens of thousands of people like that -- diplomats, doctors, engineers, architects and yes, students. Why should it be any different for you? If having this experience means so much to you, then perhaps your SO should be a bit more amenable to accommodating you. Keep in mind, however, that making him a single parent for a year or depriving him of personal contact with his son for that long makes one hell of a withdrawal from your favor bank. You'll have to reciprocate -- big time. Maybe that's the way to go. Propose a trade. Is there something he always wanted to do but was not able to because of his family obligations? Offer to accommodate him on a big project in return for letting you do your year abroad.

And if he is not budging, should you break up with him over this? I don't think it's possible to make a call on this one with the information we are given. There are other things too, which just aren't part of this particular story. You know your SO better than anyone.

As for all those concerns about caring for a 3 year-old abroad: immigrants in this country do it, and it's fine. Particularly if you have free child care -- it's no big deal, really.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by katerinaver

I am in a very interesting situation in my life right now. I am going to school and I have a 3 years old son. However, the interesting part is that I have this desire within me to go to study abroad in the language that I am studying right now. I am constantly battling with this thought that if I don't I will regret it. But also I live with the child's father who does not want me to leave for a whole year (that's how long the program is). So, really I have to choose either between my relationship struggling or my making my dream come true (or regretting it if I don't go) I want to take the child with me, and I only want to go if I get qualifying financial aid, but am still struggling with the decisions. He cannot come with me because he is not eligible to leave the country for that long due to immigration at this time.
Any advice?
P.S I am 25 years old-just if you guys are curious!

As attractive as the possibilities are, this is a disaster in the making.

First, taking the child with you is almost impossible, chiefly because you will be leaving behind your entire support network. It will be hard enough to swing the financial aid to do this on your own. The logistical issues of child care in another country are well nigh insoluble. Yes, you will find day care wherever you go. But there are times when you need more than a trusted nanny. What's more, being the sole parent, sole contact, for a three-year-old overseas would pretty much dilute whatever opportunity you might have. Three year olds, as you and I both know, suck up a lot of time that would normally go to studies, making contacts, and generally experiencing the culture of a place.

Second, I don't care how nice your boyfriend is, leaving a child with somebody that you don't have a connection to through marriage or a serious, legally-defined relationship borders on criminally negligent. On the flip side, you are seriously advocating taking your son away from his father for a year, as if that means nothing.

Third, if you leave your child in the states, that means your parents have to get into the act. So now you're going to fob your three-year-old off on them for a year. Are you ready to do that.

Fourth, there are the obvious effects on your child that will come from being separated from his mother or his father for a year. To a three-year-old, it might as well be an eternity.

Look, following your dreams is a nice idea. But that doesn't mean that you get to do it while inconveniencing or even causing emotional damage to those who are supposedly your loved ones. Life is a series of very tough choices, and you already decided to have a child. That means your son AND your boyfriend will have to play a very big role in your decisions, and it also means that there are things which are now off-limits to you. It's just not all about you anymore.

Sorry. I feel for you. But anybody who actually encourages you to do this should have their heads examined.