Study Abroad- whta would you do? Honestly? (woman, single, Chinese)
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Thank you, everyone,
I would like to add some things. I read all of your posts and am carefully considering my options,
I have NOT made up my mind about this in any way. I know it might sound like i did, but I didn't. In fact I am simply thinking about it. last year I was considering this also, kind of put it in the back of my mind though.
For those of you that call me irresponsible or selfish I have the following to say. I understand that you don't really know me but in fact I am one of the most responsible people out there. I take care of my son, sacrifice a lot, like a mother should and try to spend as much time with him as possible!
I want to take him with me because I want him to be with him, I am not the kind of mother who leaves her son and leaves for a long time.
besides I don't understand why my significant other couldn't wait for a year?
Would you (men)?
If I were irresponsible I would just decide to leave, give my kid to relatives etc.. but I am not doing this am I?
Well, from your perspective, you're not being irresponsible and selfish. But that just means you're good at rationalizing.
If my wife dragged my young children away from a year to a place I couldn't go, I would be one ticked off person. In fact, let's look at it with the shoe on the other foot. What it the boyfriend left with your son for a year to go someplace you couldn't be. How would you feel about that?
I take care of my son, sacrifice a lot, like a mother should and try to spend as much time with him as possible!
I want to take him with me because I want him to be with him, I am not the kind of mother who leaves her son and leaves for a long time.
besides I don't understand why my significant other couldn't wait for a year?
Would you (men)?
If I were irresponsible I would just decide to leave, give my kid to relatives etc.. but I am not doing this am I?
This is an educational opportunity for you right? There is no reason for you to want to take your son. He should stay home with his father while youre out getting your education. Maybe they can come visit you during the year, or you can come back here to visit.
If it were me, there is NO WAY you would take my child with you. They would stay at home and see you when you get back.
Just like CPG asked, how would YOU feel if the childs father said that he's going away for a year to study and he wants to take the child with him. How would you feel about it? Would you wait for a year for him to return or would you cheat?
I am planning to take my kids for a year to Russia. Granted, I know the language already, but they need to learn it. My husband will stay behind. Not in the million years it will be considered "breaking of the family". We'll go, we'll spend a year immersed, we'll come back. What's the big deal?
My situation is a bit different as I am doing this for the sake of the kids, not myself, but the outcome is the same - the father stays behind, and lets me realize my dream of my kids speaking Russian.
Jeez, by the sounds of it, the OP is going to jump into the 4th dimension and come back 1 year older, while the rest on the Earth aged 40 years (and missed on their kids as long)! Science fiction.
I am planning to take my kids for a year to Russia. Granted, I know the language already, but they need to learn it. My husband will stay behind. Not in the million years it will be considered "breaking of the family". We'll go, we'll spend a year immersed, we'll come back. What's the big deal?
My situation is a bit different as I am doing this for the sake of the kids, not myself, but the outcome is the same - the father stays behind, and lets me realize my dream of my kids speaking Russian.
Jeez, by the sounds of it, the OP is going to jump into the 4th dimension and come back 1 year older, while the rest on the Earth aged 40 years (and missed on their kids as long)! Science fiction.
It's a completely different scenario when the father/husband is on board with it. The OP's SO is, obviously, not. Hell I don't even want children but if I had a kid and the father wanted to take him/her away for a year, at age 3 and without my consent, I'd be pissed. And, I think it's pretty obvious who you're doing it for.
My situation is a bit different as I am doing this for the sake of the kids, not myself, but the outcome is the same - the father stays behind, and lets me realize my dream of my kids speaking Russian.
You should just do what we do. The wife only speaks in Russian to the baby (1.5 years old) and I speak to her in English. We ONLY have Russian speaking baby sitters and so far (I know its still early) everything is working out fine. Baby's first words - zychick/zyetz. She's picking it up well so far. I actually encourage my wife to go visit her parents back home or meet on vacation somewhere like the Black Sea for a month. Not for a year though.
You should just do what we do. The wife only speaks in Russian to the baby (1.5 years old) and I speak to her in English. We ONLY have Russian speaking baby sitters and so far (I know its still early) everything is working out fine. Baby's first words - zychick/zyetz. She's picking it up well so far. I actually encourage my wife to go visit her parents back home or meet on vacation somewhere like the Black Sea for a month. Not for a year though.
Too late for that. 4.5 and 6 year olds. The oldest asks me to "stop" when I speak Russian.
It's a completely different scenario when the father/husband is on board with it. The OP's SO is, obviously, not. Hell I don't even want children but if I had a kid and the father wanted to take him/her away for a year, at age 3 and without my consent, I'd be pissed. And, I think it's pretty obvious who you're doing it for.
Two scenarios: (am not exactly sure what your situation is, OP, forgive me):
1. A legitimate marriage, or common law where the two people have a clear understanding that they have created a family unit, for a long time to come. In this case, the partners (supposed to, unless one is posessive) support each other dreams, or work arrangements. Just the way people go to work on oil rigs for months at a time.
2. A shaky union, where the two people are unsure if they are going to really be together in the future. If this, a person is even freer to pursue her dream. And it would be CRAZY to leave her child with someone that she doesn't even have an idea if it's going to work. If it is going to work, it will work a year later.
Two scenarios: (am not exactly sure what your situation is, OP, forgive me):
1. A legitimate marriage, or common law where the two people have a clear understanding that they have created a family unit, for a long time to come. In this case, partners support each other dreams, or work arrangements. Just the way people go work on oil rigs for months at a time.
2. A shaky union, where the two people are unsure if they are going to really be together in the future. If this, a person is even freer to pursuer her dream. And it would be CRAZY to leave her child with someone that she doesn't even have an idea if it's going to work. If it is going to work, it will work a year later.
1.There's really no "arrangement" or, in other words, compromise, that can be made here, either the kid goes or stays.
2. And it would be just as crazy for the father to let her take the child out of the country when he doesn't have an idea if it is going to work. That goes both ways. I know this sounds nuts but for some fathers it's actually important to them that they not miss any of the kids formative years if it can be avoided.
And the OP still hasn't even said what country, if daycare is provided, how much time her work/study program is going take up, if she has to pay anything out of pocket, etc. yet. My guess is if she's avoiding those questions, that have already been asked, they're probably answers she doesn't want to think about. But I could be wrong.
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lol
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