The former wife vs. the new wife regarding financial obligations (husband, kid)
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Drover, it would not be defensible if there were absolutely NO cases of people abusing the system.
Obviously, the system is only viable if no one abuses it.
No, it's still indefensible because your premise is incorrect ("that's MY money!" Well, no it's not) and because your proposed remedy doesn't address the problem but actually exacerbates it ("Child support from the noncustodial isn't supporting the child's needs? Well, we'll fix that by making the custodial parent solely responsible for meeting that child's needs!")
Stop posting. Acknowledge being wrong and walk away, just once in your life. You may even find it liberating.
In a last ditch attempt to return this thread back to some sort of purpose, I submit the following:
One of my friends just re-married. She has 2 kids and the new husband has 3. I wonder how that arrangment works out in terms of finances? All 5 kids live with the new couple.
One of my brother's ex-friends just divorced for the second time. He now has 3 kids by two different women. The crazy thing is, I see he is "in a relationship" hot and heavy on Facebook already. Does this new woman honestly think he has a dime left over to spend on her after paying child support for 3 kids?
I say this as a woman -- women can be very cold hearted when it comes to other people's kids. My husband's mother's second husband had a son who lived in a foreign country. (ie was abandoned by daddy when he came to the US) One day father dearest decided he wanted this boy to come live with him (due to the terrible conditions in this other country) Well, after a short time, his wife decided this wasn't what she bargained for and the kid was shipped back to the island country where he came from, intestinal worms and all. My husband still holds that against both his mother and his step-father.
The bottom line is women know what they are getting into when they marry a man who has kids. It's none of their business how the money is spent (that is between the mother and father of the children). Yout also accept the risk that your new husband could lose his job and still be obligated for a large amount of back child support.
Sure it stinks if you suddenly find yourself stretching every dollar and watching your new husband write that child support check each month, but that is what you signed up for. As a woman, I would feel a lot worse if my new husband refused to pay for his kids. THAT would be a red alert for sure.
As long as all of his obligations are communicated to the new spouse up front, the woman really has no reason to complain. That said, there are a lot of petty women out there who stab each other in the back. I think those women give the rest of us a bad name.
Last edited by MovedfromFL; 08-28-2010 at 04:02 PM..
My parents didn't take me to the doctor for broken bones. Probably to hide the abuse.
So was your sister one of those who stole her kids money to feed herself instead of her kids?
I see. Because your parents were abusive, rotten parents to you, you assume everyone else is the same way toward their kids. How self-absorbed and pathetic.
If it's even true, which I doubt.
Sorry to disappoint you, but my sister used her child support money to raise two productive members of society, a teacher and a Wall Street trader. My niece is married and pregnant with her second son. And, not for nothing, but my sister's ex invited my sister and me over to his place for Christmas dessert last year--that's how well both families get along, including his second wife and my sister, and his family and my sister. His family thinks the world of my sister for the fine job she did raising my niece and nephew.
You'd be lucky to know anyone in my family. You could learn a lot from them.
The second marriage you describle comes with a "used" husband. Just like buying a "used" car - sure, it may be shiny but will need some work!
I'm so happy that I'm of the age where I no longer need to deal with the ex and the minor child from the 1st marriage. While I do have to deal with his adult children and their whole "family" thing I understand I'll never be a full member of their family - no matter what my role. That's life.
As for the money issue you speak of in the post. This is a great example of why it may be a good idea to keep finances divided.
fwiw - the only reason my exes ex got her child support regularly was because I wrote out the cheque from the joint account and sent if off every month. She never had a good word to say about me though, and when we split up her cheques stopped. I seriously doubt she ever saw another penny from him.
However, I'm not saying that someone's opinion is worthless, or that they themselves are worthless. I'm saying that the system doesn't work as it is designed to work, and I can see a way to make it work.
No, it wouldn't work. A seven-year-old boy breaks his arm and needs to go to the hospital. Where is the money going to come from? He can't wait until he is 18 to get his arm cast. Please don't reply that "Not all kids break bones," because we're talking about a real possibility and lots of kids DO break bones, and please don't answer, "Well, my parents never took me to the doctor to fix my broken bones, and I turned out fine," because this is not about you, as you admitted. This is about a boy with normal parents and broken arm. Child support helps pay for doctor bills. If the custodial parent does not have access to the money, where does it come from?
The kid gets the money to use for things that a parent would ordinarily pay for. Schooling, a car, or really, anything else he wants to spend it on. What does NOT happen is that the custodial parent cannot blow it on the things that THEY want to have, and not let the child benefit at all.
A parent isn't obligated to pay for school or a car once the kid is 18.
If the money was to go to the kid at 18 (which is stupid), then you've got one sole parent supporting the kid the entire 18 years. Therefore, the kid owes that parent and the parent should get the money when kid turns 18.
A parent isn't obligated to pay for school or a car once the kid is 18.
If the money was to go to the kid at 18 (which is stupid), then you've got one sole parent supporting the kid the entire 18 years. Therefore, the kid owes that parent and the parent should get the money when kid turns 18.
Honestly, do you ever listen to yourself.
The fact that his remedy is based on a false premise and exacerbates the problem he looks to solve has already been explained to him numerous times. He doesn't care, he's still right and the rest of the world is still wrong, because that's how smart he is and how dumb we all are.
I too have known some second wives who really begrudged that support money their husbands obligated themselves to long before he and the second wife were married. You are right, they knew what his obligations were before they married him, they have no right to complain.
Exactly. Anyone willing to marry a parent should realize that by now that the parent has obligations and that's all there is to it.
The second marriage you describle comes with a "used" husband. Just like buying a "used" car - sure, it may be shiny but will need some work!
I'm so happy that I'm of the age where I no longer need to deal with the ex and the minor child from the 1st marriage. While I do have to deal with his adult children and their whole "family" thing I understand I'll never be a full member of their family - no matter what my role. That's life.
As for the money issue you speak of in the post. This is a great example of why it may be a good idea to keep finances divided.
Yes - and often parents want to help adult children out - for many children never completely go away and some parents even want to be there for grandchildren.
Getting involved with parents is not for everyone. Even if the children are 16 or 17, you can't assume they won't be part of your life even 5 or 6 or 20 years later.
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