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Alot of single girls that i know, have told me that they hesitate to date guys w kids, because their kinda selfish and dont like sharing the guys w his kids. They get upset that on the weekends that the guys have their kids, they cant go out or do anything w them, do you single ladies, hesitate to date guys w kids?
Hey there, i don't date men who have kids because i don't want to get serious with someone who has already had children. I want to experience parent hood with the man i marry and i hope that we both can share the first time experience together. And i hesitate to date men with kids cause they always have bitchy ex wifes/ex girlfriends. Not bothered for all the bitchy drama, because that side of his life is not a choice that i chose to make so i dont want to deal with the emotional consequences.
Men who have had kids also carry a lot of emotional baggage from the relationship they had with their child's mother and it is very difficult to get passed it. Men find it harder to trust women once women dog them and it always in my experience reflects in their future relationships.
I have to say this has been an informative thread in so many ways.
First let me say I applaud you women who HAVE no children, WANT no children and REFUSE to date a man who has any. While some may see that as being harsh, judgmental or even selfish (for whatever reason they list) I see it as being up-front and open. You KNOW what you will and will not accept with regard to dating, at least where this issue is concerned, so why waste your time OR his time?
To be blunt, if I was out on a date with a woman and we were getting to know each other I would absolutely prefer she told me while sitting there that if I had children this was a no-go for her, sorry for the inconvenience. We could split the check amicably and go our separate ways, no hard feelings and loads of time and effort SAVED.
That being said, I DO have to look back and just absolutely LAUGH at the number of times over the years -- and I do mean a HUGE number -- when similar discussions have come up and single guys have stated they wouldn't date women with children, for the very reasons listed here, and single women with NO children have leaped to the defense of the single moms, calling the men selfish for their inconsideration since after all, these single moms were still people, and apparently to be revered for the trials and tribulations of single motherhood.
If it was just single moms defending these gals it would be one thing; but as often as not it's been women I KNEW were single and with no kids.
And that just makes me laugh.
To be honest, I think the disparity stems from the fact that at least these single women to whom I'm referring could SEE themselves ending up in a position like that, for whatever reason. Not that they would plan it, but that the possibility was there -- and in that event they would NOT want to be seen as non-dating material just because they were single mothers.
Don't get me wrong -- I stand by my assertion I would PREFER women be up-front about not wanting to date me were I a single father, which I expect to be one day in the not-too-distant future. However, at my age dating won't really be much of an issue since I'm generally finished with women on a romantic level, so this whole exercise is more just academic observation for me, armchair anthropology.
Some of the reasons listed here are VERY well-considered. For example, the need to deal with the ex.
One woman said she felt like a parent with no power -- and that is a FANTASTIC point to bring up! I can think of few worse things than being placed in a position of responsibility BUT not having the power to do something about it. It's all well and good to wax philosophical ala Peter Parker's uncle Ben, espousing that with great power comes great responsibility; but people tend to forget that when you shove a lot of responsibility onto someone's shoulders you need to give them commensurate power to enforce what they need in order to maintain that responsibility!
Another woman made an excellent point which caused at least a couple of you to sniff a bit, when LEVOW said (quite wrongly, in my opinion) the bit about the "poor children". It's NOT the fault of the kids; but it's not the fault OR the responsibility of the newcomer, either.
I love children and I feel for them, I really do. When I'm in a position to I'll go out of my way to help them; I've devoted a significant amount of time and money to abandoned or fostered children in hospitals and homes -- BUT that doesn't make them MY responsibility. The woman's example of feeling for the starving children in some Third World country NOT being a reason to marry their fathers was SPOT ON. I know that as much as I may feel for these kids, I can't and I WON'T raise them all.
Yet is it undeniable that when men voice these very sentiments with regard to not dating a woman with children they're called selfish pigs?
"Well, *I* certainly don't do that!"
You, you hypothetical you, may not; but it IS the general sentiment out there, make no mistake. Make NO mistake.
Of course, also of note is that many, many of the women here who have stated they have NO desire for children and would not date a man with children are part of a significantly younger crowd -- and the trend for several years now has been toward not procreating.
WHICH IS FINE -- definitely don't get me wrong there. I think it's Nature's way of correcting an imbalance in the system. We're procreating like rats here, spitting out eleventeen babies every half second or so, the majority of them from unwed unions adhering to the baby daddy/baby momma mentality. Frankly, I think it's high time Darwinism took a heavier hand because we're NOT handling it well on our own, shoving sex down the throats of children, pressuring them to git jiggy wid it and all the while looking around at the unstemmed rising tide of pregnancy and population, clutching our heads and screaming like a panda before an earthquake as we say "Where is this COMING from?!?"
I think this will continue for quite a while, until we're like Germany, whose population is shrinking since normal die-off exceeds below-average birth rates.
Yes. But, I don't want to met them. Don't want to interact with them. I've done the single parent dad thing. So over the difficult children and "the still stuck on your xhusband" thing. I wouldn't get serious with him.
Urban Sasquatch; I am a woman, and yet I would feel the same way if I were a man. TRUST me on that. And how i feel is, I prefer NOT to date men with kids. I am a woman with no kids myself. If I were a MAN, i would prefer NOT to date a woman with kids.
I dont want the baby mama drama. I also dont want to be told "dont tell my kids what to do; you arent their mother". Oh HELL no. I see so many kids that are absolute BRATS, and to think that i would just have to shut my mouth and not say anything just because I was dating their daddy? NO! This is a huge thing, because i see this often in my job. Some kids are outta control, but tell their parents that and they will chop your head off.
I dated a guy once with a kid, and the ex played all kinds of head games on him with the kid to guilt him into doing this, or that. I would need a man to put his foot down with his ex if she was getting too crazy or demanding about things. I would need a man to tell his kids they are wrong when they are wrong, not just take their side.
I think parents would have a hard time doing that. At my age of 43, Im kinda out of luck with finding a lot of men with no kids in my age bracket. So, i just have to pick carefully if i meet someone with kids. Its not that i cant grow to care for their kids, its just all the BS that comes with it.
And I dont bring kids to the table myself, so....hey, I can say id like a childless man.
I am not single anymore I married a man that has no kids and doesn't want any like me. I would not have dated a man with kids when I was single and NOT because I would be selfish/jealous of the time he spends with his children that is how it is supposed to be, it is because I personally do not like kids, I don't care to be around them.
I dont mind dating a man at all who has kids, as long as he doesnt have numerous kids with different women and he takes care of his kids. 1 or 2 is okay anything beyond that is too much. I dont mind because I dont want to ever have kids of my own.
Alot of you guys sound pretty selfish, poor kids, atleast you know that if you dating a guy that takes care of his kids and stays involved in their lives is a good responsible person, with a good heart. This kinda hits home, because i accepted my exes kids like they were mine, and i loved them like they were mine, but she never loved mine as if they were hers.Its a package deal, and although i only see mine, every other weekend, if a woman cant share me for 4 days out of 30, then i dont even waste my time!
Why do they sound selfish? Because they know what they DON'T want in a relationship?
Let me get something straight with you: just because YOU may tolerate something in a relationship, doesn't mean other people will tolerate that same thing. What's right for me, may not be right for you, and vice versa.
Everyone is different. Instead of telling other people what should be right for them in a relationship, why don't you respect the fact that we're all different?
I don't mind dating guys with kids. I prefer it in fact. It doesn't look like I'll ever get to be a biological Mom at this point, so step-mom is as good as it's going to get.
My ex-fiance had two kids and they were great. Now if a guy had kids who were little monsters/drug addicts/violent/manipulative, etc. it would be a different story. Hopefully I'd find out early enough in the relationship what the kids are really like in order to make the best decision about the relationship.
A friend of mine was engaged to a guy with older teenagers who threatened her and made her life a living hell. Her spineless fiance did nothing to support her. Needless to say, she ended up breaking that engagement.
Being a single father with the majority of custody of a 4 y/o all I can say is most of you are effin fools. It is ridiculous to consider these women selfish. I have a toddler and a high profile career in a crazy city, I have bills, mortgages, car notes, and a mouth to feed other than my own, plus my daughter takes after the average woman with the addiction to shoes. I pay no child support or alimony nor do accept any of that crap from my ex-wife. I personally will not accept a woman whom either A. wants kids eventually or B. has kid(s). That is my choice... Doesn't make me selfish, makes me smart cause I know what a pain kids are and I am no fool to consider only my child to be an angel. All children are little ignorant walking poop machines with an opinion about everything. I am not a bad father just realistic and I discipline the shish out of my kid when she is out of line. I dont need some woman coming around acting like mommy, I dont need a second opinion on whether timeouts work nor do i need her income to afford my wildest toys. In general all I need a woman for is a love life away from home. My current girlfriend whom I have dated for 18 months still has never met my kid. Most single woman without children are in the same boat, they are not looking for the financial help or the baby that will destroy their body haha... So guy what is your concern? Who cares if these women dont want you cause you have a munchkin, you should be worried about providing for that life more than anything. There are so many women out there that would date a guy with kid(s) as long as you play it right. I'd suggest to all the men on here: simply dont even think about dating until you have a positive net worth and an actual career to sustain a healthy living without a woman.
Why I dont want a partner with children? Well chances are at my age (25) she is still working on a degree if any at all, on welfare or some other help and of course no ones kids will ever come before my child so its pointless. As the old saying goes, "woman only worry about the future until they find a husband men only worry about the future when they have children". Also chances are she is all out of wack cause she had a kid and I am very picky.
To the clingy I need all the mans time ladies on here... Grow the eff up! No man wants a clingy piece of gum stuck to their nutz 24/7 even if I didnt have a child and I dated one of you I would be running for the hills in no time. Ladies go back to school, start a hobby, or something but please grow up you are not 15 and you do not need to spend every waking moment with someone. Come on, some ladies complain about 4 days a month haha. Go educate yourselves so you dont need a man to leech onto. Knowing what you want does not make you selfish all it means is you know what you want and we all have the choice of what we want.
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