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It's been almost 9 months since I was in a relationship. I would love to get on the dating scene, but I haven't met anyone who I would be interested in dating casually...or met anyone for that matter. After my last relationship, I don't really want to get into a serious relationship...too "draining." If fact, I've never been the kind of person to go out on many dates, just go one maybe a few "dates" with a guy and then get into a serious relationship with them. Between, classes, homework, volunteer work, and working at the computer lab, it's been the same old, same old every week. I cannot find or meet anyone that is on my wavelength. A lot of these guys here at my college don't have the things that I look for in a guy.
What is a young lady to do? How can I effectively change my dating course?
You say you want to date, but don't like dating. You say you don't want a serious relationship with anyone, but end up getting into "serious relationships" very quickly in the past.
Sounds like you need to evaluate what you really want, since your post indicates mass confusion in your wants/desires.
Agree with Ulysses. I'm telling my kids the same thing. Sit down and write down if you have to, what you want in the dating scene. Casual, hang-out dates or serious dating. If you want to just hang-out with guys, start thinking of places that you're interested in that you'll find that type of guys there. At college, they have student centers with pool tables and such. Go there and start sitting around the tables studying and getting to know other students.
I never thought I would stoop to online dating but it really saves time. You can weed out all of the guys that are too young, too old, gangster wannabes, no educations, whatever is important to you
It really helps cut out all of the BS there is in the real dating world.
Keep on putting yourself out there offline, but try online, you may be pleasantly surprised.
I feel like some people are wary of admitting that they want a relationship. Wanting a relationship isn't a bad thing, most people want the perfect relationship at some point in their lives and there's nothing wrong with admitting that.
By saying you want someone but that you don't want anything serious just sounds like insecurity. I think you need to focus on what you want, then stop being afraid of admitting it. Own your desires and wants. You're human.
If you keep on doing the same things you're doing without meeting dating material (by your definition), then you need to change something. Perhaps join a club in some area you have an interest - such as chess, book club, library volunteer - something that will increase your exposure to the "type" of man you seek. Even if it's not meeting THAT man, it's a means to meet people like that and maybe one of them will have a friend who has a friend......
Also, do what Donie says - write it down. Be clear in your own mind what it is you want. And that can change over time - but what do you want for "right now" as opposed to 5 years from now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by donie1
Agree with Ulysses. I'm telling my kids the same thing. Sit down and write down if you have to, what you want in the dating scene. Casual, hang-out dates or serious dating. If you want to just hang-out with guys, start thinking of places that you're interested in that you'll find that type of guys there. At college, they have student centers with pool tables and such. Go there and start sitting around the tables studying and getting to know other students.
I know it's been long overdue, but thank you everyone for your advice!
I wrote down the traits I like to get a better idea of someone I would want to eventually be with. I would like to have a relationship with someone I would be highly compatible with, but I just don't want to rush into things and settle faster for much less because there was nothing/no one else around like I used to do. I don't date much at all, so if I met someone I liked, I ended up settling with them despite the fact that we didn't have much common ground. In the end, I was only disappointed and hurt. I would like to go on a good number of dates before really settling with a person.
My list:
hardworking, honest
likes to be independent, no moochers; definitely has at least one job (preferably on the regular)
treats others right w/ kindness, courtesy and respect
stands up and defends others, not a coward
adventurous, loves to travel and will go on mini and big adventures, likes to try new things
humorous, can make me laugh
knowledgeable & always seeking knowledge
loving, caring, passionate
someone who will not put up with bullcrap (especially mine)
Since this is my last month up at college, I am going to be very busy with other things. I'll have to put the idea of dating on the back burner for now and focus more on getting a good job and moving out of the 'rents house asap. I can still fantasize in my dreams though.
I know it's been long overdue, but thank you everyone for your advice!
I wrote down the traits I like to get a better idea of someone I would want to eventually be with. I would like to have a relationship with someone I would be highly compatible with, but I just don't want to rush into things and settle faster for much less because there was nothing/no one else around like I used to do. I don't date much at all, so if I met someone I liked, I ended up settling with them despite the fact that we didn't have much common ground. In the end, I was only disappointed and hurt. I would like to go on a good number of dates before really settling with a person.
My list:
hardworking, honest
likes to be independent, no moochers; definitely has at least one job (preferably on the regular)
treats others right w/ kindness, courtesy and respect
stands up and defends others, not a coward
adventurous, loves to travel and will go on mini and big adventures, likes to try new things
humorous, can make me laugh
knowledgeable & always seeking knowledge
loving, caring, passionate
someone who will not put up with bullcrap (especially mine)
Since this is my last month up at college, I am going to be very busy with other things. I'll have to put the idea of dating on the back burner for now and focus more on getting a good job and moving out of the 'rents house asap. I can still fantasize in my dreams though.
it's nice to have a list and know what you're looking for. the next step now is to find out where such guys hang out at (if there is one or a set number of such places, that is), or how you can place yourself in situations that would put you in close proximity and ideally full contact with such guys. then, find out what it is that they are looking for, and ask yourself if you have what it is they seek. if you can find a match, great. otherwise you'll have to adjust your list, or adjust yourself.
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