In a sexless relationship with a man with an incredible personality (men, younger)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My boyfriend of 6 years is a really nice guy and my best friend, his family are nice and we have things in common, he cares for me, is committed and prepared to settle down... but there is no sexual attraction whatsoever. I don't know if there ever has been. It was his charm and kindness that won me over.
He believes that I am stressed, tired etc and hopes that my libido will return, while I secretly know that I have sexual desire, just not for him. We have had the "why aren't we having sex" discussion/argument before and every time I have told him it is my problem, I am just not feeling sexual etc. I feel terrible for lying but I can't bring myself to be harsh with him.
I WISH that I could be attracted to him, because apart from that he is the perfect boyfriend. All my family and friends adore him. The worst part is that I have no desire to "fix" our relationship either, because I just feel no attraction for him at all. We are not having sex and I don't care. I should. Even worse, I prefer it this way.
I push myself to have sex because he is a nice guy and I felt obliged to have sex if I wanted to keep the relationship, the only sex I have had in the past 2 years is from the occasional pressured encounter where I felt like I owed him, and I cried because I didn't want to and because it hurt due to me not being turned on in the slightest.
What should I do?? After denying and denying that it's not him, how do I tell him how I feel without completely breaking his heart and shattering him? Even though I don't want to lose him out of my life, this is not fair on either of us and it has to end.
Only serious advice please..
My husband has no sex drive and has no personality, we've been married 15 years, you'll get over it.
Believe me, I struggle with how selfish my behaviour is every day....I am a total coward and I know that, believe me. As far as self hatred goes, you'll be pleased to know I couldn't possibly hate myself more.
Then stop treating him that way. Show him this thread. Print out your message and show it to him. Quit being a selfish wimp!
(BTW, no, I'm not pleased to know you hate yourself)
Well you should be. I am only 28 and have been having unenjoyable sex since I was 22 - and it's all my fault. I despise myself, what I have done to myself and what I have done to him.
Snort he is very overweight, hairy and he is poorly endowed. He has been promising to lose weight for years but it has never happened.
Call me what you will, it sounds harsh and I sound like a cruel ***** but you asked so I am telling you.
I would really love to hear from others who have been/are in my situation.
Do you make excuses?
Do you keep it from them because you don't have the heart to say those cruel words?
Can you go on living like this your whole life?
My boyfriend of 6 years is a really nice guy and my best friend, his family are nice and we have things in common, he cares for me, is committed and prepared to settle down... but there is no sexual attraction whatsoever. I don't know if there ever has been. It was his charm and kindness that won me over.
He believes that I am stressed, tired etc and hopes that my libido will return, while I secretly know that I have sexual desire, just not for him. We have had the "why aren't we having sex" discussion/argument before and every time I have told him it is my problem, I am just not feeling sexual etc. I feel terrible for lying but I can't bring myself to be harsh with him.
I WISH that I could be attracted to him, because apart from that he is the perfect boyfriend. All my family and friends adore him. The worst part is that I have no desire to "fix" our relationship either, because I just feel no attraction for him at all. We are not having sex and I don't care. I should. Even worse, I prefer it this way.
I push myself to have sex because he is a nice guy and I felt obliged to have sex if I wanted to keep the relationship, the only sex I have had in the past 2 years is from the occasional pressured encounter where I felt like I owed him, and I cried because I didn't want to and because it hurt due to me not being turned on in the slightest.
What should I do?? After denying and denying that it's not him, how do I tell him how I feel without completely breaking his heart and shattering him? Even though I don't want to lose him out of my life, this is not fair on either of us and it has to end.
Only serious advice please..
If there is any chance of improving his attractiveness? Is he extremely heavy etc. and could exercise etc?
If not, you need to make a break so the both of you can find the right person.
Well you should be. I am only 28 and have been having unenjoyable sex since I was 22 - and it's all my fault. I despise myself, what I have done to myself and what I have done to him.
Snort he is very overweight, hairy and he is poorly endowed. He has been promising to lose weight for years but it has never happened.
Call me what you will, it sounds harsh and I sound like a cruel ***** but you asked so I am telling you.
I would really love to hear from others who have been/are in my situation.
Do you make excuses?
Do you keep it from them because you don't have the heart to say those cruel words?
Can you go on living like this your whole life?
The first two of those things can be fixed and the weight can also impact sexual perfomance like blood flow making his weenie softer etc.
Just lay it out there and see if he is willing to put some effort in for you.
If you are just looking for gentle words to end it this could be a way:
Mention that your feelings for him are quite deep as he has responded to your needs in so many ways, he's been the most important person in your life for all these years.
However, the sexual chemistry is not there.
You hoped that time was going to take care of it but that hasn't happened. You are very conflicted when going through the motions of intimacy as you feel guilty for not being honest with him
and true to yourself.
Is he willing to contemplate a sexless life with you?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
