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You continue to talk past me and make strawman arguments. I never said (nor would I ever suggest) that people should push themselves to have premarital sex, or any sort of sex, if it flies in the face of their inhibitions (whatever those may be).
While I find the discussion interesting, the implicit premise of this thread (trying to convince someone to have premarital sex) rubs me the wrong way accordingly. The solution is not to disrespect your partner’s boundaries but find a partner who has matching boundaries in that (not unimportant) regard.
Oh, please STOP with the whole "strawman arguments" stuff. I simply responded to a post. Take it or leave it.
The point of this thread is to discover reasons WHY someone may want to wait until marriage to have sex, without saying something like, "Because God said so!"
All I've tried to do is to present some practical reasons to wait, that have NOTHING to do with God. So to speak...
Sorry, but the possibility of contracting an STD IS a valid reason to postpone sex...
...especially having sex with someone who doesn't think that getting an STD is "that big of a deal"...
You continue to talk past me and make strawman arguments. I never said (nor would I ever suggest) that people should push themselves to have premarital sex, or any sort of sex, if it flies in the face of their inhibitions (whatever those may be).
While I find the discussion interesting, the implicit premise of this thread (trying to convince someone to have premarital sex) rubs me the wrong way accordingly. The solution is not to disrespect your partner’s boundaries but find a partner who has matching boundaries in that (not unimportant) regard.
Oh, please STOP with the whole "strawman arguments" stuff. I simply responded to a post. Take it or leave it.
The point of this thread is to discover reasons WHY someone may want to wait until marriage to have sex, without saying something like, "Because God said so!"
All I've tried to do is to present some practical reasons to wait, that have NOTHING to do with God. So to speak...
Sorry, but the possibility of contracting an STD IS a valid reason to postpone sex...
...especially having sex with someone who doesn't think that getting an STD is "that big of a deal"...
Oh, please STOP so frequently saying "Oh, please STOP".
If one thinks rushing into sex is bad imagine rushing into marriage so you can have sex. There is a strict purity rule in the group I grew up in. On the ex-JW subreddit I go to many people find themselves in marriages they entered into at 18 and now at 25 they no longer are believers. Now they have someone who they have grown apart from. Bad for both of them.
Sorry, but the possibility of contracting an STD IS a valid reason to postpone sex...
Well marriage isn't a magic preventative and that's a civil ceremony anyway, even if, at the pleasure of the state, a religious person officiates. The state still grants the marriage license.
The only way to absolutely eliminate that risk is to have a clean bill of health via lab tests before embarking on a new (and exclusive) intimate relationship -- whether married or not. Or of course to both (claim to) be virgins I suppose.
I will say that the possibility of nasty diseases was a factor in my chastity as a teen, and I will admit there's some confidence bestowed by marrying a like-minded person with no sexual history. Whether that's worth it or not, IDK. It was all I knew at the time, so I "saved myself for marriage". In retrospect, and purely in my view, I would have benefitted from being a little more worldy and savvy than that. I would have chosen differently, when it came to wife #1, I can tell you that. I had no clue what I was doing, in terms of mate selection or anything else. It didn't help that the relevant topics were basically non-discussable. "Just marry a good Christian girl and everything will work out", they said. As IF.
If one thinks rushing into sex is bad imagine rushing into marriage so you can have sex. There is a strict purity rule in the group I grew up in. On the ex-JW subreddit I go to many people find themselves in marriages they entered into at 18 and now at 25 they no longer are believers. Now they have someone who they have grown apart from. Bad for both of them.
Growing apart can happen no matter what the reason was for the marriage. People don’t stay together and try and make the marriage work because the sex is great. They do it for love, family, children, finances. Rarely for the great sex. But these things may all be personal, who knows. Maybe if the sex is great you can still have sex with someone you have come to loathe. Hard to imagine.
Well marriage isn't a magic preventative and that's a civil ceremony anyway, even if, at the pleasure of the state, a religious person officiates. The state still grants the marriage license.
You're right, it's not. But then again, we're not talking about marriage. We're talking about what happens BEFORE marriage...
Right?
Quote:
The only way to absolutely eliminate that risk is to have a clean bill of health via lab tests before embarking on a new (and exclusive) intimate relationship -- whether married or not. Or of course to both (claim to) be virgins I suppose.
Nope. The only "absolute way to eliminate risk and to have a clean bill of health" is complete abstinence. No need for lab tests.
Quote:
SI will say that the possibility of nasty diseases was a factor in my chastity as a teen, and I will admit there's some confidence bestowed by marrying a like-minded person with no sexual history. Whether that's worth it or not, IDK. It was all I knew at the time, so I "saved myself for marriage". In retrospect, and purely in my view, I would have benefitted from being a little more worldy and savvy than that. I would have chosen differently, when it came to wife #1, I can tell you that. I had no clue what I was doing, in terms of mate selection or anything else. It didn't help that the relevant topics were basically non-discussable. "Just marry a good Christian girl and everything will work out", they said. As IF.
So.......did everything work out?
Last edited by mensaguy; 02-23-2023 at 05:04 AM..
Reason: Fixed quote
Why do you feel that it's important to know this information?
Also; if it is important to one or more partners in the prospective marriage, one would presume that they would have talked about it before marriage.
"Sexual compatibility" is a joke. If one party has a male sex organ and the other party has a female sex organ, then they are compatible.
Just practically speaking, marriage is about dying to self for the sake of the spouse. The partner with the high sex drive should be always willing to refrain from sex for the sake of the other, and the partner with the low sex drive should be always willing to engage in sex for the sake of the other.
With all due respect, I agree to disagree very much on your statement that compatibility is a joke and that if one party has male organ and another has female you are compatibie. That is ridiculous to say the least. Sexual compatibility involves WAY more than two sex organs. Wow.
Everybody wants things they'll never get. Those things people want may be unreasonable, impossible, or simply immoral.
Marriage is not about getting what we want, but rather is about sacrificing what we want for the good of the spouse. If we understood this, we would not make unreasonable or immoral demands of our spouse; and we would be content in knowing that through these personal sacrifices we are winning salvation for ourself and our spouse.
You are a wonderful person who listens to your wife and makes sure she is content. That is great on you. I am not sure every relationship is quite the same though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruithne
Right but like I said, no amount of communication is going to sort out physical incompatibility... see below.
Besides which, a lot men aren't the chat-about-our-issues type.. they'd rather pretend there's no problem or get all offended and take it all as criticism.
Then what?
All of the above yes plus let's just say it's not a one size fits all situation. There are situations that can lead to a) a great deal of discomfort or b) a great deal.of disappointment.
I'm sure I don't need to spell it out.
I get it....my husband is the avoid conversations that can have emotion type....also I am short and thin and my husband is tall and wide...its not always 100% fun.
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I simply responded to a post. Take it or leave it. 
