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There's one particular issue I have in mind. Knowing your partner's libido or sex is drive is important. If you wait until marriage to have sex, you won't know if your partner has a high or low sex drive. What if you're both on opposite ends? Shouldn't you know if you're sexually compatible before being married?
You might think that marriage revolves around sex. It doesn't. It revolves around shared values.
After nearly forty years together, there are so many stressful issues which strongly affect libido. Worrying about early career issues, money issues, in-law issues, childcare issues, teenage issues, college funding issues. Then there are medical issues with sick kids - throwing up, checking on fevers or croupy coughs - all night long. There's caring for a couple's elderly parents and the list goes on.
Once the kids are independent, 50 year old women are menopausal with night sweats and, 50 year old men commonly have prostate problems. At least half the men over 60 have enlarged prostates.
So if sex is only what binds you as a couple, you're in trouble. LOL!
You might think that marriage revolves around sex. It doesn't. It revolves around shared values.
After nearly forty years together, there are so many stressful issues which strongly affect libido. Worrying about early career issues, money issues, in-law issues, childcare issues, teenage issues, college funding issues. Then there are medical issues with sick kids - throwing up, checking on fevers or croupy coughs - all night long. There's caring for a couple's elderly parents and the list goes on.
Once the kids are independent, 50 year old women are menopausal with night sweats and, 50 year old men commonly have prostate problems. At least half the men over 60 have enlarged prostates.
So if sex is only what binds you as a couple, you're in trouble. LOL!
1. I don't really think that you get to speak for all marriages.
2. I have had enlarged prostate since around age 50. So what? You think I can't have sex? Maybe you'd better stick to what you know.
1. I don't really think that you get to speak for all marriages.
2. I have had enlarged prostate since around age 50. So what? You think I can't have sex? Maybe you'd better stick to what you know.
OMG, I was not referring to your marriage. I didn't say that enlarged prostate meant no sex.
As we age, our sex drives changes. Sometimes it is a temporary change and sometimes it's not. A very dear friend is my age (sixties) and her decade older husband had a stroke. He's somewhat partly recovered - enough to live at home. She spend her days helping him dress, making sure he's fed and taking medicines. Their lives have drastically changed. Their sex life is now nonexistent. There is still love and tenderness, but no intercourse.
There are reasons not to have sex before marriage - but they are all bad.
Sexual compatibility is every bit as important a pillar of a relationship as any other. Committing your life to someone when you don't even know if you will enjoy being sexually intimate with them, is as irresponsible as committing when you don't even know where they stand on life issues - do we agree on politics, religion, children, where to invest our money, are we bigots, do we at least share the same bigotry.....
I raised 2 girls and we encouraged them to be smart enough to find out if that compatibility existed.
There are reasons not to have sex before marriage - but they are all bad.
Sexual compatibility is every bit as important a pillar of a relationship as any other. Committing your life to someone when you don't even know if you will enjoy being sexually intimate with them, is as irresponsible as committing when you don't even know where they stand on life issues - do we agree on politics, religion, children, where to invest our money, are we bigots, do we at least share the same bigotry.....
I raised 2 girls and we encouraged them to be smart enough to find out if that compatibility existed.
So, you encourage everyone to play the field with 'whoever' until they find someone sexually compatible? Is that the way 'responsibility' or 'smart' works?
You might think that marriage revolves around sex. It doesn't. It revolves around shared values.
After nearly forty years together, there are so many stressful issues which strongly affect libido. Worrying about early career issues, money issues, in-law issues, childcare issues, teenage issues, college funding issues. Then there are medical issues with sick kids - throwing up, checking on fevers or croupy coughs - all night long. There's caring for a couple's elderly parents and the list goes on.
Once the kids are independent, 50 year old women are menopausal with night sweats and, 50 year old men commonly have prostate problems. At least half the men over 60 have enlarged prostates.
So if sex is only what binds you as a couple, you're in trouble. LOL!
I don't disagree. Kids are one of the best buzz-kills there are, for example. Everyday Life is not sexy, kids or not. I can count on the fingers of one hand the transcendent sex I had in between all those other messy things happening. It does give you something to look back on wistfully but you're right, if you consider your life a greek tragedy if you don't have full-on gorilla trampoline sex twice a day most days, you're going to be REALLY disappointed, lol
So, you encourage everyone to play the field with 'whoever' until they find someone sexually compatible? Is that the way 'responsibility' or 'smart' works?
'Whoever'? No. But in the real world, one person may find compatibility with their first partner, another may not find it until their 4th. Given the higher level of sexual repression of Christians, the alternative is people failing to find these things out until after they marry, which results in the stats that show several Christian groups with higher divorce rates than Atheists.
You might think that marriage revolves around sex. It doesn't. It revolves around shared values.
After nearly forty years together, there are so many stressful issues which strongly affect libido. Worrying about early career issues, money issues, in-law issues, childcare issues, teenage issues, college funding issues. Then there are medical issues with sick kids - throwing up, checking on fevers or croupy coughs - all night long. There's caring for a couple's elderly parents and the list goes on.
Once the kids are independent, 50 year old women are menopausal with night sweats and, 50 year old men commonly have prostate problems. At least half the men over 60 have enlarged prostates.
So if sex is only what binds you as a couple, you're in trouble. LOL!
I don't think anyone has claimed that sex should be the only thing that binds you as a couple. You can have an entirely sexless marriage and still be happy IF that's what both people want. Nothing wrong with that.
But most people wouldn't choose that at least in their younger years, and would want a partner they are actually physically attracted to.
Why would you settle for less? It's A factor in choosing a partner, not THE ONLY factor, but an important one in most cases.
I think checking sexual compatibility is kind of dumb. I don't believe it's possible that you love your partner, he's good at everything, but you started having sex and suddenly something didn't fit... I think sexual compatibility is tested by people who marry for sex and who don't truly love their partner.
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So, you encourage everyone to play the field with 'whoever' until they find someone sexually compatible? Is that the way 'responsibility' or 'smart' works? 
