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No one did other than you. Words are cast in stone on the internet.
Your exact words quoted back to you. You are welcome.
Correlation is not causation. Sex is not the leading cause. Relationship failure is, for whatever reason. Repeating sex is does not make it true. Infidelity is a failure of character, a leading cause of failure of relationship. Not just in marriage, in any relationship lack of character will lead to failure. Dismissal in jobs.
Agreed, weak people cheat and live a fear based life. My granny always tells me, there are no guarantees, you can be married to the most wonderful partner having amazing sex and boom they could wind up paralyzed like superman.
No one did other than you. Words are cast in stone on the internet.
Your exact words quoted back to you. You are welcome.
Correlation is not causation. Sex is not the leading cause. Relationship failure is, for whatever reason. Repeating sex is does not make it true.
Infidelity is a failure of character, a leading cause of failure of relationship. Not just in marriage, in any relationship lack of character will lead to failure. Dismissal in jobs.
You quoted me citing infidelity as a leading cause of divorce. Infidelity is not sex. It's related to sex. So no, so far nobody has made the claim that 'sex is the leading cause of divorce'. That would be pretty stupid. But if being a pedant is your thing, cool.
Agreed, weak people cheat and live a fear based life. My granny always tells me, there are no guarantees, you can be married to the most wonderful partner having amazing sex and boom they could wind up paralyzed like superman.
Yes, cheating is for the weak. It was always interesting in my experience of counseling that the vast majority of cheaters claimed Christian values.
You quoted me citing infidelity as a leading cause of divorce. Infidelity is not sex. It's related to sex. So no, so far nobody has made the claim that 'sex is the leading cause of divorce'. That would be pretty stupid. But if being a pedant is your thing, cool.
Quoting your memorable words back at ya.
Quote:
And what is the leading cause of divorce? "I just didn't enjoy sex with them anymore - so I went elsewhere".
There is no infidelity mentioned in the text. Only sex. Infidelity may be inferred as a consequence but that is not what you said. Again, you said sex.
There is no infidelity mentioned in the text. Only sex. Infidelity may be inferred as a consequence but that is not what you said. Again, you said sex.
So..... pedant it is. Going outside the marriage for sex is called infidelity. Infidelity has many root causes. Sexual incompatibility being a major one. Sorry, I can't help you with your reading comprehension.
So..... pedant it is. Going outside the marriage for sex is called infidelity. Infidelity has many root causes. Sexual incompatibility being a major one. Sorry, I can't help you with your reading comprehension.
You can try being precise with your language instead of gaslighting.
Christianity (and religion as a whole) is about denying oneself in lieu of higher purposes. What if we directed the energy into knowing God?
This is called "sublimation" and it can often work to an extent. It depends on the long-term actual benefit one gets from (or successfully ascribes to) the alternate expression. I very much doubt it works any better than the other positive alternatives, like exercise for example or, for the right sort of personality, intellectual pursuits.
Sex itself, of course, is more a means to an end or higher purpose in itself, which is profound / transcendent connection with, and enduring commitment to, another human being. It really facilitates and cements that. So for those who still have a sex drive and nowhere to go with it, that may be a proxy for a lack of such connection and the validation that goes with it. There are various (IMO poor) substitutes for it, including religious ecstasy. Any port in a storm, as they say.
I don't disagree. Kids are one of the best buzz-kills there are, for example. Everyday Life is not sexy, kids or not. I can count on the fingers of one hand the transcendent sex I had in between all those other messy things happening. It does give you something to look back on wistfully but you're right, if you consider your life a greek tragedy if you don't have full-on gorilla trampoline sex twice a day most days, you're going to be REALLY disappointed, lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by mordant
This is called "sublimation" and it can often work to an extent. It depends on the long-term actual benefit one gets from (or successfully ascribes to) the alternate expression. I very much doubt it works any better than the other positive alternatives, like exercise for example or, for the right sort of personality, intellectual pursuits.
Sex itself, of course, is more a means to an end or higher purpose in itself, which is profound / transcendent connection with, and enduring commitment to, another human being. It really facilitates and cements that. So for those who still have a sex drive and nowhere to go with it, that may be a proxy for a lack of such connection and the validation that goes with it. There are various (IMO poor) substitutes for it, including religious ecstasy. Any port in a storm, as they say.
I don't understand.
On one hand, you say that sex is a "profound/transcendent" connection with...another human being", while on the other hand, you say that you can "count on the fingers of one hand the 'transcendent sex'" you've had.
I don't think that EVERY time someone has sex -- even if in a committed relationship -- is necessarily looking for that 'transcendent connection' with the person they've having sex with.
And even if one does manage to have that kind of 'transcendent' sex, it doesn't mean that the relationship with necessarily become 'cemented'.
On one hand, you say that sex is a "profound/transcendent" connection with...another human being", while on the other hand, you say that you can "count on the fingers of one hand the 'transcendent sex'" you've had.
I don't think that EVERY time someone has sex -- even if in a committed relationship -- is necessarily looking for that 'transcendent connection' with the person they've having sex with.
And even if one does manage to have that kind of 'transcendent' sex, it doesn't mean that the relationship with necessarily become 'cemented'.
Unless, I misunderstood you...
I did not say sex "is" connection -- it is one important factor in the service of seeking out and maintaining such connections.
And sure, a specific instance of sex can have a number of different purposes or emphases, sometimes more than one.
And sure, there are no guarantees. Being an excellent lover (both sexually and otherwise) does not necessarily overcome your partner's operant conditioning that might be getting in the way of better connection. It didn't overcome my first wife's serious mental illnesses; it didn't overcome my 2nd wife's knock-on issues from being abandoned by her father as a youngster -- for example. I have found that you can affirm someone's best qualities in the most honest possible fashion and it does not mean they will believe you if they have been taught consistently to believe otherwise. Such a person will always tend to self-sabotage or sabotage the relationship in some way or other, often precisely BECAUSE you are getting closer and they can't trust / be vulnerable with someone in that regard because of, for example, too many fundamental betrayals in the past.
So sex is a tool in the toolkit, nothing more, with regard to fostering good connection. As for what any one of us needs / tries to get from sex in terms of our own needs, that's very individual, and highly influenced by our attitudes toward sex. In my observation, religion often fosters conflicted or outright negative attitudes about sex that limit our enjoyment of it, even in supposedly sacred and approved contexts.
There are a lot of moving parts in between our ears for it all to work out well for both parties, and I think it's probably rare for all of them to mesh perfectly more than occasionally. There are just too many variables, alas.
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