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Nope. The only "absolute way to eliminate risk and to have a clean bill of health" is complete abstinence. No need for lab tests.
Abstinence is an unverifiable claim, apart from lab tests.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mink57
So.......did everything work out?
No, it spectacularly did not. Good Christian Girls aren't immune to serious mental illness or to character problems. I was forced to divorce her in self defense and for the safety of my two children (and in fairness, thankfully, with the full support of my church -- that's how overtly terrible the situation became). There were no STDs of course, but that was cold comfort.
This is moreso for those who believe in waiting until marriage to have sex. But, without resorting to metaphysical or supernatural claims. For example, don't say because God said so or because that's what the Bible says. This is not to argue who's right. I'm moreso interested in the reasons or arguments as to why one should wait.
There's one particular issue I have in mind. Knowing your partner's libido or sex is drive is important. If you wait until marriage to have sex, you won't know if your partner has a high or low sex drive. What if you're both on opposite ends? Shouldn't you know if you're sexually compatible before being married?
I have been married for a long time and had enough premartial sex to know this: sexual compatibility is much more nuanced than than matching libidos. In fact, I’d say that libido is the least reliable indicator of long term sexual compatibility. Not because it doesn’t matter, but because is highly influenced by hormones and a laundry list of physiological and psychological factors, all of which can and do fluctuate. Yes, mismatched libidos can cause relationship issues and sexual incompatibility… but the reverse is also true: relationship issue and incompatibility can cause issues with libido.
Sexual compatibility also encompasses a couple’s beliefs about sexuality and identity; their religious/cultural influences; their ideas about boundaries and consent; how they both handle periods of incompatibility. Some of those aspects may be who you are at your core, but much of it is influenced by experience, maturity, and gaining wisdom.
Last edited by Hearthcrafter; 02-24-2023 at 06:51 AM..
I have been married for a long time and had enough premartial sex to know this: sexual compatibility is much more nuanced than than matching libidos. In fact, I’d say that libido is the least reliable indicator of long term sexual compatibility. Not because it doesn’t matter, but because is highly influenced by hormones and a laundry list of physiological and psychological factors, all of which can and do fluctuate. Yes, mismatched libidos can cause relationship issues and sexual incompatibility… but the reverse is also true: relationship issue and incompatibility can cause issues with libido.
Sexual compatibility also encompasses a couple’s beliefs about sexuality and identity; their religious/cultural influences; their ideas about boundaries and consent; how they both handle periods of incompatibility. Some of those aspects may be who you are at your core, but much of it is influenced by experience, maturity, and gaining wisdom.
Yes. Good post. A good marriage happens when everything is in place AND there is mutual respect and love to make the required compromises with goodwill. This is a subjectively measurable index for a happy marriage.
If a happy and good marriage is what one is hoping for, sexual compatibility is a useless measure to begin with.
This is not about morality, but about how to make a marriage work. Of that’s the intention sex is a bad place to start.
If one wants top class sexual experience all the time marriage is not necessary. Sexual promiscuity is what will satisfy and THAT is bad for marriage.
Some people regret or get hurt from having too many "partners" - some even are jealous or upset that their spouse had a lot of past partners. That is something to think about too.
Some people regret or get hurt from having too many "partners"
Sure, and that may be a good reason to be selective about under what circumstances, and with whom, one has premarital sex. It need not be an all or nothing proposition.
Quote:
Originally Posted by QuakerBaker
- some even are jealous or upset that their spouse had a lot of past partners. That is something to think about too.
And if those people can’t process their feelings in a healthy way that doesn’t place burden or shame on their spouse, their spouse is far better off without them.
While I find the discussion interesting, the implicit premise of this thread (trying to convince someone to have premarital sex) rubs me the wrong way accordingly. The solution is not to disrespect your partner’s boundaries but find a partner who has matching boundaries in that (not unimportant) regard.
Most excellent.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mink57
The point of this thread is to discover reasons WHY someone may want to wait until marriage to have sex, without saying something like, "Because God said so!"
There are no moral or ethical reasons.
There are only psychological, ie emotional reasons.
Anyone not emotionally ready should not. Period.
There are, of course, the psychologically damaged who have the misguided belief that there's only one person on the entire big giant Earth meant for them and they should wait Cinderella-fashion for their prince or princess to come along before doing the nasty, but that has little to do with god-things.
Fantasies aside, the reality is that intercourse is an integral and important part of marriage and discovering that you're sexually incompatible with your partner is inherently problematic.
If you want to inject morality and ethics into the equation, then we can discuss the implications of waiting until marriage, finding out you're not sexually compatible with your spouse, then floundering around for several years before coming to the realization that you never will be compatible no matter what, and all the damage that is done and all that damage that is yet to come spawned from that.
Or, we can investigate the wisdom of one suffering for the rest of their life because they're afraid of what a god-thing might do if they divorce, or cheat.
Oh, please STOP with the whole "strawman arguments" stuff. I simply responded to a post. Take it or leave it.
The point of this thread is to discover reasons WHY someone may want to wait until marriage to have sex, without saying something like, "Because God said so!"
All I've tried to do is to present some practical reasons to wait, that have NOTHING to do with God. So to speak...
Sorry, but the possibility of contracting an STD IS a valid reason to postpone sex...
...especially having sex with someone who doesn't think that getting an STD is "that big of a deal"...
On the topic of abstaining from sex until marriage for fear of STD's, that fear cannot be completely allayed by marriage either. As much as we want to believe we truly know and trust our partners, the truth is they can and do cheat and sometimes with multiple partners. One has to wonder for those who do wait until marriage, if there is an even higher likelihood that this will happen because they never got to experience it with anyone else.
Some people regret or get hurt from having too many "partners" - some even are jealous or upset that their spouse had a lot of past partners. That is something to think about too.
Thankfully, that too tends to be less of an issue as people get older.
Some people regret or get hurt from having too many "partners" - some even are jealous or upset that their spouse had a lot of past partners. That is something to think about too.
My wife and I couldn't be more opposite in that regard. She is my 3rd wife, and my 3rd sexual partner. She on the other hand lost count in the Long Ago, I think. She was intimate from her mid-teens with a steady boyfriend of several years, for starters. It isn't that either way was right or wrong, just that she had a more permissive upbringing (to the point "feral" really) and I did not. But I don't feel lucky for that structure either. It really didn't contribute anything to my life that I can see, other than inexperience and fear around sex that took me time to remedy.
Mind you, my wife's not the least bit promiscuous -- she is a serial monogamist. But neither did she "save herself for marriage" either. But her extensive (compared to me) sexual experience has never perturbed me in the slightest. Maybe it's because, unlike far too many men, I'm not insecure? Just a guess. Also I don't objectify women so I don't see them as "sullied" by other men [shrug]. It would be like a chef being upset that someone dining on his food has enjoyed other dishes before. What would be the point of that?
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I simply responded to a post. Take it or leave it. 
