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I have battled the sags and bulges and wrinkles and -- in general -- have faced that deterioration is inevitable. If being graceful about aging means I look in the mirror and don't mind the changes, then I don't think I will make it to 80 graciously.
I have come to terms with doing all I can to alleviate the chronic pain issues -- from spa to tai chi to transcendental meditation -- and I am sure I will continue to use those tools and add many more to the "aging toolbox."
I am fully aware I need to lose some weight and I am fully aware that the chin is loosing its elasticity . . . but when I think of myself, I still see that lithe, sexy 38 year old in jeans and a red body-conforming T-neck. I envision gliding on the dance floor at a black tie event, feeling beautiful and being acknowledged by others as just that.
Then my reverie ends and I realize my right leg hurts all the way down to my toes, I am having a spasm in my rhomboid muscle, my roots are showing and my jeans are big enough for two small children to hide in (okay, I exaggerate, but some days it feels that way).
AND I FEEL SAD.
I meet new people and want to say . . . "Hi! I am Ani! I wish you could have met me when I was actually 'myself' and not now, when my physical presence no longer represents the REAL me."
But it is the real me. It may not be the me who exists in my brain . . . but take my fingerprints and a DNA sample . . . and sure 'nuff . . . this is ME.
So I have decided . . . the graceful part about aging is in balancing remembrance of things past with the reality of who we are now (and who we are yet to become). Life has brought me to this moment, to this place. And if I am given the gift of many more years, there are changes still on the horizon. The positive ones include wisdom and maturity; the negative include loss of stamina and changes in physical appearance.
I don't want to be thought of as a "fading beauty" or as "that eccentric character" down the street but I also don't want to be minimized, overlooked . . . and treated as irrelevant. That means I must bring something to the table . . .
For me, it all starts with a smile. That is one thing that time cannot change - the invitation of a smile. And I choose not to talk about the aches and pains . . . nothing ages a person more than the topics of their conversations!
I am choosing to reframe who I am . . . I would rather be known as the redhead who does yoga on her deck . . . who will teach you how to paint a landscape or glaze your kitchen cabinets. . . who will fix you herbal tea or the best dry martini around (your choice!) when you stop in to have a chat . . . who will encourage you when you are down.
I have decided that people don't really care what I look like as long as I am fun to be with. Yes, I have my preferences about how I like to present myself to the world, but I don't really have many options about that as I age. Make up and "shapers" can only alter so much . . . when we get to 75, we are going to look at least somewhat near our ages, despite cosmetic surgery, even.
So mourn the losses . . . the youth and beauty and for most of us -- the stamina and physical prowess -- are diminished. And then move past the sadness, because the wisdom we can share, the experience, the maturity, the calm reassurances . . . that is what age brings. And people will love us and want to spend time with us because we make the day a little brighter.
We learn to cope with the changes and we learn to teach by example that beauty really does come from within.
Once we master this, then I believe we will be able to say we are "aging gracefully." At least, that is what I am counting on!
I'm a big believer in keeping your mind too busy to think about aches and pains. You can do that with lots of activity or lots of focus (a more oriental approach). I've talked many times about taking up photography or writing a novel as a retirement project--those are both inexpensive hobbies that can keep you from feeling your pain. Taking long walks with a friend and telling jokes the whole way--or watching funny movies, if you don't feel well enough to walk.
And when distraction doesn't help--a shot of Grandma's recipe can be your friend, too.
As far as preventative measures: I like tai chi for stretching and balance improvement. Gardening, bird watching, and anything else that keeps me focused on nature is helpful, too. Those large rubber bands sold with yoga supplies are very helpful for aiding strength and flexibility. Drinking lots of warm beverages is helpful. I have to drink lots and lots of hot water with lemon juice (not lemonade, lemon juice) for a condition I have and I've found it helps other problems, too. Avoiding preservatives, sugar and salt as much as you can will help a lot.
So I have decided . . . the graceful part about aging is in balancing remembrance of things past with the reality of who we are now (and who we are yet to become). Life has brought me to this moment, to this place. And if I am given the gift of many more years, there are changes still on the horizon. The positive ones include wisdom and maturity; the negative include loss of stamina and changes in physical appearance.
I don't want to be thought of as a "fading beauty" or as "that eccentric character" down the street but I also don't want to be minimized, overlooked . . . and treated as irrelevant. That means I must bring something to the table . . .
For me, it all starts with a smile. That is one thing that time cannot change - the invitation of a smile. And I choose not to talk about the aches and pains . . . nothing ages a person more than the topics of their conversations!
Ani, you truly are a gifted writer. Wonderful post, especially the part I quoted above. I absolutely agree about the power of smiling, and like how you pointed out that it's the one thing that can't change over time. In addition to everything else, something about smiling does make me feel better. Psychological? Probably, but it works. And coming up with reasons to laugh works even better.
I was thinking about the stages of aging when watching the tributes to Patti Page last night. In her final years she looked dramatically different than she did at 20 and 30. Her voice was different, too. She may have mourned this, since it's human nature to think you are the most beautiful when you're young. But as an outside observer, I thought she looked better (and sounded better) in her later years. I never really liked her 1950s look, but preferred the way she aged.
I have battled the sags and bulges and wrinkles and -- in general -- have faced that deterioration is inevitable. If being graceful about aging means I look in the mirror and don't mind the changes, then I don't think I will make it to 80 graciously.
I have come to terms with doing all I can to alleviate the chronic pain issues -- from spa to tai chi to transcendental meditation -- and I am sure I will continue to use those tools and add many more to the "aging toolbox."
I am fully aware I need to lose some weight and I am fully aware that the chin is loosing its elasticity . . . but when I think of myself, I still see that lithe, sexy 38 year old in jeans and a red body-conforming T-neck. I envision gliding on the dance floor at a black tie event, feeling beautiful and being acknowledged by others as just that.
Then my reverie ends and I realize my right leg hurts all the way down to my toes, I am having a spasm in my rhomboid muscle, my roots are showing and my jeans are big enough for two small children to hide in (okay, I exaggerate, but some days it feels that way).
AND I FEEL SAD.
I meet new people and want to say . . . "Hi! I am Ani! I wish you could have met me when I was actually 'myself' and not now, when my physical presence no longer represents the REAL me."
But it is the real me. It may not be the me who exists in my brain . . . but take my fingerprints and a DNA sample . . . and sure 'nuff . . . this is ME.
So I have decided . . . the graceful part about aging is in balancing remembrance of things past with the reality of who we are now (and who we are yet to become). Life has brought me to this moment, to this place. And if I am given the gift of many more years, there are changes still on the horizon. The positive ones include wisdom and maturity; the negative include loss of stamina and changes in physical appearance.
I don't want to be thought of as a "fading beauty" or as "that eccentric character" down the street but I also don't want to be minimized, overlooked . . . and treated as irrelevant. That means I must bring something to the table . . .
For me, it all starts with a smile. That is one thing that time cannot change - the invitation of a smile. And I choose not to talk about the aches and pains . . . nothing ages a person more than the topics of their conversations!
I am choosing to reframe who I am . . . I would rather be known as the redhead who does yoga on her deck . . . who will teach you how to paint a landscape or glaze your kitchen cabinets. . . who will fix you herbal tea or the best dry martini around (your choice!) when you stop in to have a chat . . . who will encourage you when you are down.
I have decided that people don't really care what I look like as long as I am fun to be with. Yes, I have my preferences about how I like to present myself to the world, but I don't really have many options about that as I age. Make up and "shapers" can only alter so much . . . when we get to 75, we are going to look at least somewhat near our ages, despite cosmetic surgery, even.
So mourn the losses . . . the youth and beauty and for most of us -- the stamina and physical prowess -- are diminished. And then move past the sadness, because the wisdom we can share, the experience, the maturity, the calm reassurances . . . that is what age brings. And people will love us and want to spend time with us because we make the day a little brighter.
We learn to cope with the changes and we learn to teach by example that beauty really does come from within.
Once we master this, then I believe we will be able to say we are "aging gracefully." At least, that is what I am counting on!
ACT even when you don't FEEL it and things can change!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caladium
Ani, you truly are a gifted writer. Wonderful post, especially the part I quoted above. I absolutely agree about the power of smiling, and like how you pointed out that it's the one thing that can't change over time. In addition to everything else, something about smiling does make me feel better. Psychological? Probably, but it works. And coming up with reasons to laugh works even better.
I was thinking about the stages of aging when watching the tributes to Patti Page last night. In her final years she looked dramatically different than she did at 20 and 30. Her voice was different, too. She may have mourned this, since it's human nature to think you are the most beautiful when you're young. But as an outside observer, I thought she looked better (and sounded better) in her later years. I never really liked her 1950s look, but preferred the way she aged.
I think for those who have been average looking it's not as hard but if you've been fairly attractive, it takes something from you.
However, my husband has customers and I have clients as well in their 80's and some of these women truly look amazing. I was shocked when one woman told me she was turning 80. I thought she was in her early 60's. (A few pounds doesn't hurt either)
but would like to do so a bit more "gracefully"....
To me, "gracefully" means acceptance, resolve and keeping your chin up; aka: dealing with it.
I write this using voice recognition software because a neurological disorder has robbed both of my hands of all feeling (my feet as well so I can't type with them either) and it's one way I'm coping/dealing with it. I, too, have no choice.
And BTW, I do not feel sorry for myself, want to make that clear. I have been a RN for decades, so know well all sorts of folks deal with all sorts of problems on a daily basis.
Those VR softwares are awesome...glad you can take advantage. Years ago of course, there was no such thing...
some "newer" advancements are truly miracles!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon
To me, "gracefully" means acceptance, resolve and keeping your chin up; aka: dealing with it.
I write this using voice recognition software because a neurological disorder has robbed both of my hands of all feeling (my feet as well so I can't type with them either) and it's one way I'm coping/dealing with it. I, too, have no choice.
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Aging
