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Location: When things get hot they expand. Im not fat. Im hot.
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Im not 80. Yet. Just turned 74. I might take a companion but Im pretty choosy. They would have to live elsewhere. They cant stay here. And they cant be just dropping in whenever they feel like it. And they cant watch football, John Wayne, or the Three Stooges at my house. Truthfully Im sure I dont need worry about anybody making any moves.
I would never even consider getting married again. When you get married your finances get mingled. That means that you will be expected to pay if your new spouse gets sick and or goes to a SNF. I know people that this happened to. He got sick. Ran thru all his money. They were starting on hers when he passed away. She was beside herself. It was sad.
My father was widowed in his late 60s. About four months after losing mom, he met his lady friend (same age, also widowed) at a church widows support group. They never married but became "companions." Oh - he rarely entered her home. The reason? He didn't want her neighbors seeing a strange man going into her house! I don't think she was ever in his house. They stopped seeing each other in person when advanced age took its toll. Both had to go into Assisted Living in different states. They stayed in touch over the phone.
My sisters and I were speculating that his lady friend was relieved that they never got married. Although, we don't think either one was re-marriage minded. If they had married, she would have been dealing with a major headache trying to tend to him. We think she reached the point of ducking his phone calls at her AL since he was complaining so darn much. He was probably bringing her down and why shouldn't she try to enjoy what time she has left? He passed at 97.5. She'll be 98 in April.
Being friends is one thing for social reasons but I would feel I was cheating my children out of their inheritance if I married again should my husband go first.
My husband and I go to the gym and go our separate ways because we like different things. Sometimes you get the feeling some men are out there looking when they are friendly to you until they see you have a husband. My husband and I both worked on jobs that required we communicate with others of both sexes so we feel very comfortable talking to anyone and I think it is good to have conversations with more than one person in our old age. I am 78 and he is 81.
I think it is just ignorant to be uncomfortable talking to another person of the opposite sex just because one is married. I find all people are interesting but do not find all people a romantic interest.
Being friends is one thing for social reasons but I would feel I was cheating my children out of their inheritance if I married again should my husband go first.
My husband and I go to the gym and go our separate ways because we like different things. Sometimes you get the feeling some men are out there looking when they are friendly to you until they see you have a husband. My husband and I both worked on jobs that required we communicate with others of both sexes so we feel very comfortable talking to anyone and I think it is good to have conversations with more than one person in our old age. I am 78 and he is 81.
I think it is just ignorant to be uncomfortable talking to another person of the opposite sex just because one is married. I find all people are interesting but do not find all people a romantic interest.
Your 2nd and 3rd paragraphs are interesting, b/c when spouse & I moved to our current location, our closest neighbors were all retired & a bit older than us, & we were still working. I was used to casually conversing with BOTH genders, but I got a weird vibe from these people that I, alone, should not be talking to the men. I never experienced that before, & it was very isolating. I was not into stealing their (old) men! Now that we are also retired it still is VERY isolating.
I wish there was a way that older people could just be companionable & friendly, w/o reading ulterior motives into it.
Many of these posts seem extreme. I totally understand how you would want your heirs to inherit your fortune but in your 80's, you are not going to live long. Let your heirs inherit then ensure your loved one, whoever you marry, has enough to meet basic needs.
Buy a multi-level home if you need to but marrying is really the best security anyone can have. And yes, that may mean you need to care for them too, is it really that bad?
Many of these posts seem extreme. I totally understand how you would want your heirs to inherit your fortune but in your 80's, you are not going to live long. Let your heirs inherit then ensure your loved one, whoever you marry, has enough to meet basic needs.
Buy a multi-level home if you need to but marrying is really the best security anyone can have. And yes, that may mean you need to care for them too, is it really that bad?
I have been married most of my life since I was 18. The last thing I want to do is take care of a man. There’s absolutely no reason to marry in your senior years and many downsides. If you just live together you don’t have to worry about your kids not getting your money. Many seniors are choosing to keep their own homes and get together when they want to. Living with someone involves compromise and maybe some of us like being the queen of our own castle).
Some people have taken care of their spouses and want to enjoy what’s left of their lives only worrying about themselves. Have you ever been a caregiver? It’s brutal and consumes your life. Sometimes the stress is so bad that the healthy person dies caring for their partner.
I have been married most of my life since I was 18. The last thing I want to do is take care of a man. There’s absolutely no reason to marry in your senior years and many downsides. If you just live together you don’t have to worry about your kids not getting your money. Many seniors are choosing to keep their own homes and get together when they want to. Living with someone involves compromise and maybe some of us like being the queen of our own castle).
Some people have taken care of their spouses and want to enjoy what’s left of their lives only worrying about themselves. Have you ever been a caregiver? It’s brutal and consumes your life. Sometimes the stress is so bad that the healthy person dies caring for their partner.
Yes I agree, it is very stressful to be a caregiver. I've done it as long as 60 days caring for a few family menbers in hospice until their death. Technically, right now, I am a Caregiver though it's more of a companion. I do not see any downsides to this, a room-mate is just that, a room-mate. You might get lucky that they care for you but otherwise, you are left alone (if you have no children). I got married at 18 and am glad I did so maybe that makes a difference. I do not want to end up in the homes I see, they are awful and I would much rather risk being the one to care for the other.
My mom took care of my dad for 14 years and I helped her. Once my dad died the old men were chasing her because she was beautiful but she was going to have fun and take care of herself. She lived alone until a week before she died at 89. Her sister had a similar situation and lived alone until a few months before she died at 96. Most people don’t end up in homes.
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Now that we are also retired it still is VERY isolating.
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