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...My girlfriend turns 50 this fall... Her adult children, 24 and 20, live at home, along with her daughter's boyfriend, who is 21.
Your girlfriend enables their poor choices.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
... Her daughter's boyfriend dropped out of high school, and barely got a GED.
Four people have made poor choices:
The daughter's boyfriend (for dropping out)
The daughter herself (selecting this man to be her boyfriend)
Your girlfriend (enabling the daughter & boyfriend by allowing them to live with her)
And, arguably, you (for selecting this woman to be your girlfriend)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
... The 24 year old son is dead broke, all the time. He pays just $50/week for the household expenses.
This son is making poor financial decisions.
Your girlfriend (his mother) is making poor financial choices by enabling his poor financial decisions.
And, arguably, you are making a poor decision being with her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
... He's around 400 lbs. and he eats more than that in just groceries alone.
It sounds like he's a heart attack looking for the spot marked "X". His poor nutrition choices are an example of why health insurance costs will continue to go up for everyone - even the responsible.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
... Her grocery bill is about $1,000/month. His truck payment, on a 2014 model, is about $600/month. That truck mostly sits in the driveway all week. Big trailer for the truck. He has a paid-for car that he drives to work. He's got a side-by-side that he keeps at a family property three hours away. Payment on that is $300/month. Tons of dining out bills. He'll drop hundreds of dollars at a bar or club buying drinks for women he never gets.
He's making poor life & financial decisions.
Your girlfriend (his mother) is making poor decisions by enabling his poor decisions.
And, arguably, you are making a poor decision being with her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
... My girlfriend always goes on about how high the cost of living is, etc. If her son didn't have the car payment, ATV payment, and the big discretionary spending, he'd be able to afford his own place.
And you are making a poor decision in selecting her to be your girlfriend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
... Her daughter is graduating from a vocational program this summer. Hopefully she'll get a job and move in somewhere with her boyfriend. She has about $50,000 in the bank from a legal settlement from a wreck she was injured in. The two of them should be fine.
She may well be fine. But absent some financial education, she will be tempted to blow that $50K rather than invest it for her own retirement. What do you think the odds are it is gone within 5 years?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
... The situation with her kids is to the point that it's really straining our relationship. We've been together for three years and live 88 miles away. She wants me to move in, but there's no way I'm living there with three other adults. At 24 making the kind of money he makes, he can afford his own housing. I now work for the county government near where she lives. I want to move closer, but it's an expensive market. I want to move to Greenville, SC - about an hour and a half going the other way, but she's giving me hell on it. If I stay in TN, but move closer to her, then we bust up, I'm stuck living in this area I dislike. If I move to SC, I'll likely be happier with where I live, but who knows how she'll take it.
You're a smart guy. As you have described the situation, this woman is not a viable life partner for you. But you already know that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
... If her son got on his own, daughter and boyfriend moved in together and have their own place, I'd probably move in with her. We'd probably be able to save another $2,000-$3,000/month. That would go a big way in shoring up savings.
Those hypotheticals are not likely to come to fruition -- but you already know that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
...
My home was reassessed this year. Property tax bill doubled. It's not a huge amount, but could definitely be a strain on someone lower income. My income certainly hasn't gone up anything like that.
Municipal governments love property taxes for the reason the rest of us hate them.
Last edited by moguldreamer; 04-12-2024 at 11:07 AM..
The only thing about Mogaldreamer’s assessment that I disagree with is that letting the daughter live with her is a bad choice. I actually think it’s a great choice so the daughter can support herself in the future. However, I wouldn’t let the boyfriend live there. Unless SC’s girlfriend has a wake up call that shows her that she’s harming the son instead of helping the relationship will not be sustainable.
The daughter herself (selecting this man to be her boyfriend)
Your girlfriend (enabling the daughter & boyfriend by allowing them to live with her)
And, arguably, you (for selecting this woman to be your girlfriend)
This son is making poor financial decisions.
Your girlfriend (his mother) is making poor financial choices by enabling his poor financial decisions.
And, arguably, you are making a poor decision being with her.
It sounds like he's a heart attack looking for the spot marked "X". His poor nutrition choices are an example of why health insurance costs will continue to go up for everyone - even the responsible.
He's making poor life & financial decisions.
Your girlfriend (his mother) is making poor decisions by enabling his poor decisions.
And, arguably, you are making a poor decision being with her.
And you are making a poor decision in selecting her to be your girlfriend.
She may well be fine. But absent some financial education, she will be tempted to blow that $50K rather than invest it for her own retirement. What do you think the odds are it is gone within 5 years?
You're a smart guy. As you have described the situation, this woman is not a viable life partner for you. But you already know that.
Those hypotheticals are not likely to come to fruition -- but you already know that.
Municipal governments love property taxes for the reason the rest of us hate them.
This describes me at 80. While I appear younger, it's as much how I move and present myself as how I look.
I regularly attend exercise and yoga classes which helps with balance, flexibility and ease of movement.
I may be old but I try to avoid " little old lady " stereotypical behavior.
Yes, this is good. Another thing is posture. While there are spinal curvature issues and osteoporosis that sometimes are not preventable, some people just flat-out do not stand up straight, and I think they don't even realize it. I am guilty of letting myself slump, an old habit from being a tall person in a world made for people six inches shorter or more than I am, but then I catch sight of my reflection and willfully straighten up. I'm becoming more conscious of the need to do that as I age My mom had a ramrod straight back all her life, and it served her well. I want to be sure to keep a focus on that.
Too often I see older women, in particular, who start to look like their arms are growing out of the sides of their necks. They are pitched forward and off-balance.
The only thing about Mogaldreamer’s assessment that I disagree with is that letting the daughter live with her is a bad choice. I actually think it’s a great choice so the daughter can support herself in the future. However, I wouldn’t let the boyfriend live there. Unless SC’s girlfriend has a wake up call that shows her that she’s harming the son instead of helping the relationship will not be sustainable.
I agree with this.
SC's girlfriend probably isn't going to wake up if she hasn't yet. I feel bad for that son, whatever his problem is. He's a walking heart attack and it appears has no idea how to adult, with all the frivolous spending and then being broke.
This type of thing has become a deal breaker for a lot of people. It used to be when you are older and dating you'd meet empty nesters. Now you don't know what you're going to get as part of the package.
I guess we older folks are not so invisible when we are needed to provide housing and food.
Yes, this is good. Another thing is posture. While there are spinal curvature issues and osteoporosis that sometimes are not preventable, some people just flat-out do not stand up straight, and I think they don't even realize it. I am guilty of letting myself slump, an old habit from being a tall person in a world made for people six inches shorter or more than I am, but then I catch sight of my reflection and willfully straighten up. I'm becoming more conscious of the need to do that as I age My mom had a ramrod straight back all her life, and it served her well. I want to be sure to keep a focus on that.
Too often I see older women, in particular, who start to look like their arms are growing out of the sides of their necks. They are pitched forward and off-balance.
Please remember to wear heels and be it at home. My father had an eye for women. He called it the tennis shoe crawl when they could not walk in shoes. four inches is all I can do now and it looks great with yoga pants but doe the job - chest out, back straight. You are not that tall!!!
Please remember to wear heels and be it at home. My father had an eye for women. He called it the tennis shoe crawl when they could not walk in shoes. four inches is all I can do now and it looks great with yoga pants but doe the job - chest out, back straight. You are not that tall!!!
No, I do not wear heels. And yes, I am 6 feet and one half inch tall, which is not common for females. High heels are sooo bad for your back according to the pt I had when I fell on some stairs about 8 years ago.
Not sure what your father's eye for women has to do with my health and comfort lol. Running shoes for me.
Also, many middle-aged people end up supporting their kids way beyond when they should, which is going to put them behind the eight-ball as they head toward retirement age.
My girlfriend turns 50 this fall. She's got a good income for the area - about $85k. I make about the same. Her adult children, 24 and 20, live at home, along with her daughter's boyfriend, who is 21.
Her daughter's boyfriend and son both have CDLs and work for a power company. I think the boyfriend makes about $20/hr.. Her son her makes about $30/hr, but gets some overtime, and filed on about $70k income last year. Her son's dad is a foreman at the same company, and got them both on. Her ex-husband made about $130k last year. The ex really doesn't contribute anything toward the kids now.
Keep in mind these guys are young. Her daughter's boyfriend dropped out of high school, and barely got a GED. The 24 year old son is dead broke, all the time. He pays just $50/week for the household expenses. He's around 400 lbs. and he eats more than that in just groceries alone. Her grocery bill is about $1,000/month. His truck payment, on a 2014 model, is about $600/month. That truck mostly sits in the driveway all week. Big trailer for the truck. He has a paid-for car that he drives to work. He's got a side-by-side that he keeps at a family property three hours away. Payment on that is $300/month. Tons of dining out bills. He'll drop hundreds of dollars at a bar or club buying drinks for women he never gets.
My girlfriend always goes on about how high the cost of living is, etc. If her son didn't have the car payment, ATV payment, and the big discretionary spending, he'd be able to afford his own place.
Her daughter is graduating from a vocational program this summer. Hopefully she'll get a job and move in somewhere with her boyfriend. She has about $50,000 in the bank from a legal settlement from a wreck she was injured in. The two of them should be fine.
The situation with her kids is to the point that it's really straining our relationship. We've been together for three years and live 88 miles away. She wants me to move in, but there's no way I'm living there with three other adults. At 24 making the kind of money he makes, he can afford his own housing. I now work for the county government near where she lives. I want to move closer, but it's an expensive market. I want to move to Greenville, SC - about an hour and a half going the other way, but she's giving me hell on it. If I stay in TN, but move closer to her, then we bust up, I'm stuck living in this area I dislike. If I move to SC, I'll likely be happier with where I live, but who knows how she'll take it. My parents are also wanting to sell out of this place and have been looking at SC, so there's that to consider too.
If her son got on his own, daughter and boyfriend moved in together and have their own place, I'd probably move in with her. We'd probably be able to save another $2,000-$3,000/month. That would go a big way in shoring up savings.
My home was reassessed this year. Property tax bill doubled. It's not a huge amount, but could definitely be a strain on someone lower income. My income certainly hasn't gone up anything like that.
"Danger Will Robinson! Danger!"
The 400# failed to launch son is enough that I would be taking a hike!
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