My heart is broken whenever I see homeless people (San Francisco: apartment, house)

[Jillnorman]

I won't make it a long story. I am in a coffee shop working on my research... every day I see a homeless handicapped man begging for money... I asked my friends and been told never to give the homeless any money because they are going to use it to buy drugs or whatever. This man is handicapped, I've been looking at him all day through the window.... he smoked once...

I feel guilty, do not ask me why. Guilty by not giving him any money. At the same time, I feel that he (may) use the money to buy bad things... I am not sure.

Any thoughts? I feel bad, my conscious reminds me to help.

[bmw335xi]

Buy them food or bottled water, your bleeding heart will likely heal pretty fast. I can't tell you how many times I've been yelled at for doing such deeds. "I SAID I WANT MONEY!" "WATER... COULD HAVE GOT ME A COFFEE YOU CHEAP A$$"

Yeah... it's hard getting used to when you first move to SF, but you'll grow thick skin quickly when you get burned numerous times helping them. If you really feel bad and not a CD troll, volunteer at homeless shelters.

[llowllevellowll]

Originally Posted by Jillnorman

I won't make it a long story. I am in a coffee shop working on my research... every day I see a homeless handicapped man begging for money... I asked my friends and been told never to give the homeless any money because they are going to use it to buy drugs or whatever. This man is handicapped, I've been looking at him all day through the window.... he smoked once...

I feel guilty, do not ask me why. Guilty by not giving him any money. At the same time, I feel that he (may) use the money to buy bad things... I am not sure.

Any thoughts? I feel bad, my conscious reminds me to help.

There's a vibe I get. If I'm drawn to a person, I give to them. If they show kindness to my daughter and she sees the good in them (which is basically always), I'm happy to give. What is $20 to me really? But for those that it might help, I'm glad.

It's not very often that I give, but it's all the time that I too feel badly for the situation they're in. In this country, we don't do well for veterans, homeless, drug addicted, the mentally ill, and certainly not for healthcare or education. We just don't do a lot of things very well and we're all witness to it.

I'm glad you have empathy.

[Jillnorman]

Originally Posted by bmw335xi

Buy them food or bottled water, your bleeding heart will likely heal pretty fast. I can't tell you how many times I've been yelled at for doing such deeds. "I SAID I WANT MONEY!" "WATER... COULD HAVE GOT ME A COFFEE YOU CHEAP A$$"

Yeah... it's hard getting used to when you first move to SF, but you'll grow thick skin quickly when you get burned numerous times helping them. If you really feel bad and not a CD troll, volunteer at homeless shelters.

I am not trolling in here. Anyway, thanks!

[Jillnorman]

Originally Posted by llowllevellowll

There's a vibe I get. If I'm drawn to a person, I give to them. If they show kindness to my daughter and she sees the good in them (which is basically always), I'm happy to give. What is $20 to me really? But for those that it might help, I'm glad.

It's not very often that I give, but it's all the time that I too feel badly for the situation they're in. In this country, we don't do well for veterans, homeless, drug-addicted, the mentally ill, and certainly not for healthcare or education. We just don't do a lot of things very well and we're all witness to it.

I'm glad you have empathy.

That's how I feel... Thank you

[mstnghu2]

Homelessness is obviously a very complex issue and it's been discussed many times in this forum...it even has its own dedicated thread here. There's no simple answer.

Personally, I don't give money to homeless people. I do however occasionally give them food. I agree with
llowllevellowll about getting a vibe. A few months ago, I saw a middle eastern-looking woman in the center median of Calaveras Blvd. in Milpitas. I recognized her from a post on Facebook awhile back about a group of scammers carrying signs with a sob story about having a kid sick with cancer or something like that. They were getting dropped off in a car at different locations around the South Bay to beg for money all day and then they'd be picked up later on. When I saw her on Calaveras Blvd., I yelled "scam artist" as I drove by...I know, completely petty and pointless but people like that seriously disgust me.

In other situations, I get the sense that somebody really is in need of help. A couple weeks ago I was picking up Chick-Fil-A for dinner and when I drove through the parking lot, I saw a guy carrying a sign just saying that he was hungry. I ordered extra food for him and he seemed genuinely appreciative when I pulled up in my car to pass it to him. I had another situation like that by my house where I offered food to a homeless guy and he was really thankful and took it to share with another homeless friend of his.


Then there's this other homeless (or maybe not) guy who'd walk the center median at the intersection near my house almost daily with a gas can and a sign saying he needed gas money. I was sitting at the red light one day and I asked him how he managed to run out of gas every single day. He didn't respond.

[evening sun]

If you want to give a certain individual money, then do it. Volunteering is a good thing to do also, some soup kitchen might need help. Personally I never give food, because i have seen fresh, good food, being given to people & then thrown in the gutter, becasue they wanted cash instead ( San Francisco) But it is a personal choice, we all have to make. I also don't give money, but we all have to decide what is best for our own conscience.

[Jillnorman]

Originally Posted by mstnghu2

Homelessness is obviously a very complex issue and it's been discussed many times in this forum...it even has its own dedicated thread here. There's no simple answer.

Personally, I don't give money to homeless people. I do however occasionally give them food. I agree with
llowllevellowll about getting a vibe. A few months ago, I saw a middle eastern-looking woman in the center median of Calaveras Blvd. in Milpitas. I recognized her from a post on Facebook awhile back about a group of scammers carrying signs with a sob story about having a kid sick with cancer or something like that. They were getting dropped off in a car at different locations around the South Bay to beg for money all day and then they'd be picked up later on. When I saw her on Calaveras Blvd., I yelled "scam artist" as I drove by...I know, completely petty and pointless but people like that seriously disgust me.

In other situations, I get the sense that somebody really is in need of help. A couple weeks ago I was picking up Chick-Fil-A for dinner and when I drove through the parking lot, I saw a guy carrying a sign just saying that he was hungry. I ordered extra food for him and he seemed genuinely appreciative when I pulled up in my car to pass it to him. I had another situation like that by my house where I offered food to a homeless guy and he was really thankful and took it to share with another homeless friend of his.


Then there's this other homeless (or maybe not) guy who'd walk the center median at the intersection near my house almost daily with a gas can and a sign saying he needed gas money. I was sitting at the red light one day and I asked him how he managed to run out of gas every single day. He didn't respond.

That's exactly what I meant... sometimes you feel bad by not giving because the homeless man on the corner is really hungry.

BTW, I have given food several times... some homeless were appreciative while others got mad at me. They never said they'd prefer cash instead, but you can tell!

Thank you. It is truly a complex issue. Sometimes I can tell these people are lying as I lived on the East coast for two years close to a homeless shelter, I can see them smoking and drinking outside then begging for money two blocks away. I am concerned about those who are honest people.

Once in San Francisco, a handicapped homeless man asked for money... I truly told him, unfortunately, I do not carry cash. He said: " I believe you, and I know if you carry cash now you'd help".

[CorporateCowboy]

Volunteer at a homeless shelter or make a donation directly to an organization (not the individual) - though I don't know why 'guilt' comes into play.

[likealady]

I only give food and beverages. I once made a plate on Thanksgiving and gave it to a man who was in the alley across from our apartment. He didn't respond when I dropped it off but I could see him eat it up from our window. Sometimes they actually do need food, othertimes they just want drugs. Honestly it's hard to tell so I use my intuition.