Is St. Louis more cliquish than other cities its size? (Joplin: buy, movies)

[BoredinSTL]

Originally Posted by Fishtacos

Old thread, and, my advice hasn't changed much since my earlier posts.

Where and how are you meeting these people? You moved to St. Louis with your husband? Are these new people to your husband? Or are they simply his family and his and their old friends? It's important that you and he meet new people that don't have anything to do with his his family and old friends.

There are tons of people out there that will dress more in the way that you prefer, or decorate their homes in the way you prefer, or use certain things you prefer. I wouldn't care how you were dressed from one extreme to another, nor how your home was decorated from one extreme to another. There are many people where you are that don't care either way either. There are also many people out there that do care, and you can find the types that would fit in with yours.

As I said in my post, I don't care how people dress. The people I have been meeting in STL (perhaps the wrong ones) feel the need to make comments about how I am dressed. I am too dressy for their comfort...
I also don't care about how people live, their decor, etc...Why must THEY make comments about my decor, etc??

I only can go from one post, but your problem comes across as a you and your husband's family and friends problem and not a geographic problem. Obviously St. Louis is not filled with people who only eat off of paper plates, wear only t-shirts and shorts, and make negative remarks about the way people dress. That's extreme exaggeration based possibly on a very limited experience with a very limited amount of people.

True. I have given up putting myself out there. After getting rejected numerous times, you give up.

When people date or marry someone, it is not automatic that everyone will get along the same and be buddies. No. You will be more friendly with some individual members of the family and group than others.


If I date or marry someone, I do not expect to be super close with everyone or most or even any in their family or circle. That is not some automatic thing. People are not automatically slotted into new families. That's not how it works, at least not real friendships.

Absolutely, however, the 'Christian' or humane way would be to extend a hand to someone new. Perhaps tell them which grocery stores are worth shopping at, good restaurants to try...I chalk this up to people out here not knowing how it is to move and be new somewhere. It appears that most of STL has lived on the same street, socializing with the same friends and is just ignorant to the fact how annoying it is to find your way around a new city without anyone giving you pointers. This is the first city I have ever experienced this in.

You may want to look at your approach a bit. You had people over for dinner 3 times that you didn't know at all or very well. My return expectations would be very minimal. Giving to get is not a good road to go down.

I do not give to receive. Proper etiquette, if indeed interested in building a friendship with someone would be to reciprocate. If not, why would they accept 2 more invites? I do kinda feel used...And, they were not strangers but old friends of my husbands.

I know this topic pretty well. You do the things you like to do, in the places you like to do them, and you will meet new people. It isn't easy sometimes. You give people a fair brief chance and then then you move on and move forward. You keep moving forward with or without those people. I can share that some mistakes I made in the past, were not sticking to my guns enough of who I liked and didn't and I did too many things out of a fictional obligation.

First thing I'd do is look at myself, my behavior, how am I adding to the problem. Then I look at what I can do different and better and more productive. That might include some tough decisions and possibly hurt feelings. You only get one life, you better be spending round people you enjoy being around. You always get that choice of whom those people are for you.

Trust me, I have!! I do not say negative things about the city, people or dwell on where I came from. After my friends visit, I am fairly positive it is not me...And, you are right about making choices. I do love my husband but other than that I am pretty miserable. Thanks for taking the time to post; I appreciate your input. It felt good to vent!

[Old Trafford]

Originally Posted by BoredinSTL

Trust me, I have!! I do not say negative things about the city, people or dwell on where I came from. After my friends visit, I am fairly positive it is not me...And, you are right about making choices. I do love my husband but other than that I am pretty miserable. Thanks for taking the time to post; I appreciate your input. It felt good to vent!

You have given yourself the handle of "BoredinSTL" and then say you do not say negative things about the city, you do not make a convincing argument, your name inplies that you are bored because of STL.

[BoredinSTL]

Originally Posted by Old Trafford

You have given yourself the handle of "BoredinSTL" and then say you do not say negative things about the city, you do not make a convincing argument, your name inplies that you are bored because of STL.

Yup, BORED IN STL. I am bored...I am on the internet reading & posting on a forum....I'd say I am bored LOL But, how does that imply that I am bored because I am in STL?

I get that you love your city but try not take my vent fest or name so personal. If you read carefully what I wrote, you will notice that I speak of my experiences, and that I am careful not to generalize. Just sayin'

[BoredinSTL]

...And while I am at it, there must be a reason this thread was started in the first place, is number #1 when I googled 'STL & cliquish' AND the poll indicates that the newbies might be right?! The majority feel it is indeed cliquish. Hmmm....

[Old Trafford]

Originally Posted by BoredinSTL

Yup, BORED IN STL. I am bored...I am on the internet reading & posting on a forum....I'd say I am bored LOL But, how does that imply that I am bored because I am in STL?

I get that you love your city but try not take my vent fest or name so personal. If you read carefully what I wrote, you will notice that I speak of my experiences, and that I am careful not to generalize. Just sayin'

Actually just pointing out the obvious, a true inquiry would not begin with a foregone conclusion.

[BoredinSTL]

Originally Posted by Old Trafford

Actually just pointing out the obvious, a true inquiry would not begin with a foregone conclusion.

Maybe I am just not creative enough to come up with a better handle? Yes, that's it..... It's been fun but time to get off my butt & do something productive with my day! Thanks STL for your valuable input!

[kshe95girl]

Whats with the whiny people?

[Fishtacos]

Originally Posted by BoredinSTL

Yup, BORED IN STL. I am bored...I am on the internet reading & posting on a forum....I'd say I am bored LOL But, how does that imply that I am bored because I am in STL?

I get that you love your city but try not take my vent fest or name so personal. If you read carefully what I wrote, you will notice that I speak of my experiences, and that I am careful not to generalize. Just sayin'

I don't think you see or understand how you are coming across to us in this forum, let alone with your husband's family and friends.

Your comment here is a put down to the people who post on these and other forums. Yet, in not so surprising fashion, your comments are hypocritical because you of course are posting here too.

Many people here are very objective, though some more than others. If the original question is ....is St. Louis more cliquish than other similar sized cities? My short answer would be no. But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

[stlcitygirl]

I honestly don't know how anyone could possibly be bored. There is something going on all the time, if you are bored in any major city, there maybe something wrong inside.

[Fishtacos]

Originally Posted by BoredinSTL

Trust me, I have!! I do not say negative things about the city, people or dwell on where I came from. After my friends visit, I am fairly positive it is not me...And, you are right about making choices. I do love my husband but other than that I am pretty miserable. Thanks for taking the time to post; I appreciate your input. It felt good to vent!

Again, hypocrisy. You have labeled all of St. Louis negatively, by your limited experience through your husband's family and friends. As much as you say you don't, you just can't help yourself.

Not one post, not one comment, looks in the mirror. And, believe it or not they have those at stores in St. Louis.

The topic in general is fine, and fair, but you, and you alone, have made it difficult for most people here to have any interest in assisting you. If you think all people do here is bash or defend Stl, then you obviously haven't paid attention.

Let me add a tip, ...proper etiquette, the Christian way...would not be the best places to start. What's the Muslim way? or the Jewish way? or the Atheist way or the Agnostic way and so on and so forth.

Nobody owes you anything, friendship is earned over time, 50/50. Not eeryone is going to like you in life, and not everyone is going to want to be your friend. If you keep going and going, without success, you may be part of the problem.

As I said before, you need to take those lists of things in your mind that matter to you, and go find people where those things or some of them matter to those people too. St. Louis is a decent sized metro, almost 3 million people, and I can promise you that it contains some people of whom you'll like. You, of course have to go to them, because it is clear they don't exist in your husband's circle of family and friends.