Is St. Louis more cliquish than other cities its size? (Florissant: schools, university)

[kshe95girl]

Originally Posted by BoredinSTL

Thanks for sharing your meaningful contribution, I do admit to having lame moments but I wouldn't call myself totally lame LOL To tell you the truth hearing that from a native makes me feel a lot better about myself....

Anyway, the point here is that natives are inward and cliquish. That's what this thread is all about, right? By being defensive and not listening to newbies complaints things will never change, no growth - personal or the city. It appears that natives are OK with it, so have at it. You can only lead a horse to water... Stagnant it is then. YAY we agree on one thing!

No, you have no clue.
Please stop with the bourgeois comments, as you only serve an offensive stereotype, and the stereotype is NOT about native St Louisans.
Frankly, your comments on this board would be much better served by posting here;
St. Louis Forum - [domain blocked due to spam]
You can commiserate with the other folks.
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THIS IS NOT AN ATTEMPT TO ADVERTISE THAT FORUM, MERELY AN ATTEMPT TO HELP SOMEONE WHO IS NOT GETTING WHAT THEY NEED FROM CITY-DATA.

[MOKAN]

Originally Posted by Charming Billy

I'm not a native of St. Louis but I've lived here off and on for 15 years. Many St. Louis residents who aren't natives have told me it's hard to make friends, find a job, or otherwise get their foot in the door here. What does everyone else think?

For the record, I find St. Louis natives are generally polite and well mannered to outsiders, but have little interest in making friends outside of their circle of family and old high school/college friends. It also seems hard to land a job here if you're starting from scratch, but natives seem to find them more easily.

Has anybody considered this from the natives perspective? Might a strong sense of a hometown and thus community be a good thing? Might the related permanence and established-ness be a good thing?

Is a form of "nepotism" maybe being played out in regard to employment in STL? If so, it wrong to take care of locals first?

I don't totally understand and haven't experienced what's going on in STL that's being talked about here, and got the initial impression it was a working-class thing, but then heard it was a private-school and middle-class thing. Maybe this is a phenomenon that occurs in every city, but is much broader in STL. I know that Kansas City has an established upper-middle/upper class community that all go or have gone to private high schools and even a couple of local private colleges (Rockhurst, Avila), but I don't think you'd be asked which HS you went to unless you first mentioned that you lived in Brookside, for example, or just happen to run into somebody who grew up in the same area of the metro as you.

[MOKAN]

Originally Posted by xenokc

Am originally from STL and rarely post on this forum but have to comment on the lame responses from 'bordedinstl'. People who get bored are boring people themselves. No, you're not just being lame, you are lame. Get creative and show STL a thing or two about your capabilities. Bring something to the table instead of whining.

STL is hardly a boring city but I do agree that relative to any city in America, STL does lean significantly more inward and cliquish than most as I've posted earlier. Relative to faster growing cities, more people in STL are from STL so is fair to say it's indeed more cliquish. It's why I struggle with STL and would find it difficult to move back. Great urban infrastructure, lots of free things to do, but STL doesn't realize how inward thinking it is and they won't admit to it because they themselves have no trouble with other STL'rs.

BTW, was in Santiago, Chile a couple years ago and ran into an older woman from STL. She latched onto me as she apparently thought of me as a local comfort rather than appreciating and exploring those who were not like her. It took nearly an hour of conversation but it did eventually get to asking what high school I went to, not kidding.

You're awfully judgemental. I don't see anything wrong with being asked what HS you went to, unless you were a miserable person at that time in your life and are harboring some sort of resentments. HS is a big part of most people's lives, despite the fact that college often overshadows it.

[Dawn10am]

Okay, BoredinSTL, your posts are just becoming comical at this point. I am not a native St. Louisan. I've only lived here a year, but I love it here and have never been bored once. I've met a host of wonderful St. Louis people. If you can't be find ANYTHING to do or anything to like in a metro area of 3 million people then that is just truly sad and you probably won't be happy anywhere. My advice is to stop whining on this bored and try your hardest to move away (but don't let the door hit you on the way out). Sorry you're missing out on the amazing city that St. Louis is.

[Fishtacos]

The original question is whether or not St. Louis is more inward and cliquish of similar sized metros, such as Mineapolis/St. Paul, Baltimore etc...and that answer imo is no. What that means is that you will find some of that in St. Louis as well as some of those other places too.

The high school question is an old legend with some truth to it. I never liked the topic. It isn't much different than meeting someone for the first time and asking them what they do for a living. Some people do it because they don't know what else to say or ask and some ask to size up other people. And yes there are times when asked the h.s. question, that the person mentions an out of town school/place, and that answer quickly ends the topic and sometimes the questioner's interest. Often times the questioner is someone who never left to live elsewhere, and or a mother hen type of person. In my experiece this topic is very rare but exists and has existed. You'll find just as many locals that don't like the topic(s) that use the topics.

The original poster in this thread is irrelevant to the topics based on her posts. She hasn't looked at her own behavior and her own contributions to her problems. And regardless of anything else, her situation won't improve until she does that.

[BubbyBobble]

Yes, but meh it's what you make of it.

I'm from Seattle and like it a lot better. But St. Louis is forever changing and it might not be the same city 10 years from now. I think the whole county vs city stuff has got to stop. I've been to DC for a bit and haven't felt as much cliquishness. But meh, we'll see over time.

[BubbyBobble]

Originally Posted by scocar

A few points I'd like to make:

1. I lived in Phoenix my whole life before moving to STL in August. Most of my close friends I've known for years. As we get older we tend to keep our older friends. So it makes total sense that the people you meet in STL that have lived here are already going to have established social circles. That would be the case anywhere. It's only natural that transplants would be easier to befriend as they are also looking to make friends. That doesn't make STL natives less friendly, it makes them normal.

2. My experience since moving here has been that I find people here in general to be very friendly. I've had more people just strike up a conversation or make an effort to talk to me here than I ever had in Phoenix. I've found people in the service industry here to be much friendlier as well.

3. One strange dynamic that I have found is that my wife grew up here and she has had a very hard time reconnecting with her old friends. They have not been rude or anything, but we've tried to get them to come out to the bar with us and they generally don't want to. She had one friend that we connected with and hung out with quite extensively for a while, and then that friendship died and we seldom speak to them anymore. But other than that she talks to her old friends a lot, but nothing ever turns into a social gathering.

4. I have noticed in general that STL seems to have a more pronounced upper versus lower class stigma. In Phoenix it seemed like there were more "middle of the road" people. It may be hard for me to describe, but I'm speaking of laid back people that have enough money to get by, but aren't wealthy. People that are not always striving for more opulent things in their life. I see a group of people in STL where STUFF matters. It seems to me that this particular group has been sort of enthralled with the old money in STL and they want those things as well. They can come of as sort of snobby because they have a pretty strong materialistic streak. Then there is also a strong contingent of people that the upper half would call "hoosiers". This would be that less wealthy group to put it simply. The group that keeps Budweiser and generic brand cigarettes in business (hard to write that without sounding like one of the snobs). In general my impression is that this disparity comes greatly from the inordinate number of private schools in STL. There is a status that comes with attending a private school. Plus private schools rely on alumni sending their kids there. So that is going to automatically create a sense of cliqueishness.

All this being said, I have lived here about 10 months and I love the city. Most of the people that I've become at least acquaintances with have been transplants. But the STL natives I've met have been friendly and inviting as well. I just didn't expect to come here and make close friends right away, especially with people that have lived here there whole lives.

Number 4 is the biggest thing for me (aside from the segregation/racism). Overall a very mature, well-thought out post.

[RNlifesaver88]

I moved to Saint Louis from Michigan about 7 years ago and all I can say, is its like pulling teeth trying to make friends. I consider myself a fun, loving, compassionate, caring individual so it's hard to understand why a large portion of people I've encountered here are very cold! I'm not trying to say all people from Saint Louis are cold and cliquey, but based on my experience, a large portion of individuals I've encountered fit those characteristics. Where I'm from I can make friends in an instant and people invite you to join them for drinks or out on the boat with open arms. I could start talking to other girls here in Saint Louis, and the first thing they will ask is "where did you go to highschool?" You're grown adults now, why does that matter?

[FrankMiller]

Originally Posted by RNlifesaver88

I could start talking to other girls here in Saint Louis, and the first thing they will ask is "where did you go to highschool?" You're grown adults now, why does that matter?

They're just making small talk, calm down.

Originally Posted by Bill Bidwill

Why did St. Louis lose TWO NFL teams, an ABA team, multiple soccer teams and, more important, multiple employers? They were all fed up with St. Louis' outmoded, outdated and out-witted philosophies.

Demonstrably untrue, thanks troll.

[jay verde]

Originally Posted by RNlifesaver88

I moved to Saint Louis from Michigan about 7 years ago and all I can say, is its like pulling teeth trying to make friends. I consider myself a fun, loving, compassionate, caring individual so it's hard to understand why a large portion of people I've encountered here are very cold! I'm not trying to say all people from Saint Louis are cold and cliquey, but based on my experience, a large portion of individuals I've encountered fit those characteristics. Where I'm from I can make friends in an instant and people invite you to join them for drinks or out on the boat with open arms. I could start talking to other girls here in Saint Louis, and the first thing they will ask is "where did you go to highschool?" You're grown adults now, why does that matter?

I'm an STL native and I've never asked the high school question when meeting new people, but I've been on the receiving end of it not too long ago from a native on a plane. The cliquish coldness rings true for me all the way up to my college years here. I would be fine with someone one day or I would see someone that I lost touch with, say hello and be polite, and it was like you said "pulling teeth" just to get a reply. The only other place I've seen this so far is Portland, OR. After spending some time there, I came across some nice and polite people, but there were definitely cold and cliquish ones too.