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It's at will. They can fire you because the wind blew SE instead of NW.
but if there is documented harrassment, perhaps a judge will consider it hostile workplace; maybe not, but the defense would possibly be lengthy and costly.
I worry if i went to HR, that my manager would emotionally over react and make my current job miserable. She got unreasonably upset on me skipping out on ethiopian today.
My friend. This is easy to fix. Reply to her email explaining that your contractual obligations do not require you to spend your lunch time and share your lunch money with the team. Let her know that you would appreciate that she limits communication with you to professional matters.
If she overreacts, then you know it's time to quit (after you've found a new job). This situation is insane and you should not put up with it.
It's definitely strange but I've heard of some weird s-t that happens in the Fortune 500s so not much would surprise me. Hell, after 10 years in HR and 9 years in ops management nothing much is going to shock me anyhow.
I think its a major imposition on employees to haul them to lunch with you. Lunch is THEIR time; I think that they see more than enough of me during the work day. Once in a great while I will have a working lunch where I have lunch catered but I pay for it 100% and pick several (relatively non-exotic) options. We also do an optional quarterly lunch and it's picked by consensus where we go; I (the company) pays for that as well. They usually want to go to the same place but if that is what makes them happy then I'm not gonna fuss. Other than that, it's just ridiculous to demand employees spend their lunch with you.
It sounds like your manager is one of the ones who is trying to be a new wave manager and not doing so well with it--considering the lunches last 3 hours and work gets so far behind that you guys end up being stuck at work late at night to make up for all of the work you have to catch up on.
This boss seems all about the team stuff so I would look into trying to interest her in other team building activities like doing True Colors testing for a day or something like that. It's not too painful and it's something that a type of boss like her would enjoy.
I would also try to feel out your co-workers and see how they feel about the lunches. If they are of a similar mindset then see if you can enlist their support in professionally approaching the boss and letting her know that you love the lunches but would like them better if they were of shorter duration or were a special treat on just Fridays.
I'm in HR myself and going to HR might/might not do any good. If the manager is not violating any policies then it might not do any good. Also, if only one employee in the department comes to HR then most HR managers are less inclined to make a big issue over it. You can use your own judgement over this based on what kind of policy you have at your company and how much you feel you can trust the HR group at your workplace.
The last option would be to look at potentially transferring within your company or go on a discreet job search. Or wait it out; managers tend to come and go much quicker than do people in individual contributor roles.
Forcing the employee to spend personal time and money is ridiculous. I have never heard of such a thing. Decline, but really it sounds like another job should be lined up.
"No money. You buying?"
That's insane. Set up a strict budget and join the group once a month. Build it in the budget.
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