Well I've been better, the drugs are working,but I wake up every morning feeling so toxic and my whole heart and soul against them in every way.feeling I have no choice but to take them.

I really feel so very conflicted and I definately don't feel the drugs can heal me in a deep way.I found the perfect shamaness to see this morning,in a tradition that I hold dear, who works with ancestors and all things I know would heal me and support me.

But I fear going to her -...

It really was the happiest month,with my Celtic studies which I became entirely devoted too and so passionate about,lots of housewifery in my head.I was planning my course,I was in love.

I can't believe that in a week it can all just fall apart,I can't think clearly,let alone read my books, I'm very worried about it all.

my gosh if I had a husband I really think I'd be able to get through it.maybe he would force me to take sleepers,or prevent things from going wrong.Just...

Wrote a very very long amazing carthatic entry that completely healed and freed me after one of the hardest weeks I've ever had.I came home with a desperate need to write it and nothing else and was amazed by how it healed things. I deeply needed it,but The whole page refreshed (something that never happens),and the whole very long entire entry was lost.I simply started crying.Really this week has been non stop grief and problems.

Decided to go on the medication,because the chances...

Having a very hard week,full of battles.
Yesterday I was happy and okay and coping well.
Today is just too much,not coping well.
Tried to do my studies yesterday but had a thousand things to do.
when I was in a happier mode two days ago, I thought about Valentine's Day and how I'd love to go to afternoon tea and get a book on Victorian etiquette.
Now feel very stressed,befuddled and it's all beyond me.
But days ago I was so very loved up and really quite...

Teaching a boy about ancient Celtic poetry,it's really lovely discussing awen,and the bardic schools.Did not realise how much I knew.Feel more sure that I can run my course,so long as life does not battle me a little too much.

I did my Celtic studies from 10-3 yesterday and am quite happy with that arrangement.

Had a pretty horrible weekend,but actually yesterday during the day was really pleasant and I was happy and got all romantic again.I studied but really I wanted...