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Old 11-03-2008, 04:40 PM
 
Location: The Great State of Texas, Finally!
5,231 posts, read 7,706,778 times
Reputation: 2197

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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadioBroadcaster2008 View Post
I actually know what some of that means!

Ive been alone on just about every holiday and birthday for the last 5 years , which is how long I've been in radio. I don't necessarily like it, but I've got to weigh the pros and cons.. i tell myself I'll be fine, but I get depressed, but I deal with it.
When I was in the military it was the same way: I worked every holiday, my military friends were my family, and after moving around so much, I became sort of numb to it all. And with no family, it makes it a bit harder. Now I just pretty much ignore the holidays. I start to get sad and nostalgic a bit (like the last few days) but I realize what it is and snap out of it....with coping mechanisms and not the greatest ones, but they seem to work for me.
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Old 11-03-2008, 04:44 PM
 
Location: The Great State of Texas, Finally!
5,231 posts, read 7,706,778 times
Reputation: 2197
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alaskagrl View Post
Sorry you went through that. I encountered something similar at one time.

I've heard this one before; a guy coming down on a woman's behavior in her life BEFORE she was with him. Now, while I can understand completely that a guy may not want to be with someone who's been promiscuous or wild in their past, that doesn't mean that, if he ASKS for the information, and it's willingly shared with him, that he then has the right to keep constantly judging that person. Either he can handle her past, or he can't, and he oughtta be man enough to simply say that rather than use a checkered past as ammo, like you said.

If he asks for the truth, and gets it, then he should say--well, I can deal with that; let's not talk about it anymore--that part of your life is done now and you're with me. Or he should say "man, I cannot handle what you used to be like; I'll have that image of you in my head forever and I need to say goodbye." But to hang on to someone while at the same time tearing them down for their past...that's so destructive.
You are SO TOTALLY ON...exactly. Don't use my past against me. Use it to know me or to see if it's something you can deal with. My ex knew I was divorced from early on in the game. And he cancelled our wedding for that very reason, because I was divorced. It took him two and a half years to figure out he couldn't deal with that. He was so concerned about making me a tart because in his mind the Bible said I was still married.....Oh but you know....it was all good when we were having sex.....but when it came to a lifetime commitment, somehow I wasn't good enough for that....MMM kay...
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Old 11-03-2008, 04:52 PM
 
Location: Ridgway/Saint Marys, PS
943 posts, read 2,354,217 times
Reputation: 385
Quote:
Originally Posted by cobolt View Post
When I was in the military it was the same way: I worked every holiday, my military friends were my family, and after moving around so much, I became sort of numb to it all. And with no family, it makes it a bit harder. Now I just pretty much ignore the holidays. I start to get sad and nostalgic a bit (like the last few days) but I realize what it is and snap out of it....with coping mechanisms and not the greatest ones, but they seem to work for me.

Yeah, I've become numb to it too.. and I learn to deal with it, mainly by ignoring people on Christmas, my birthday (Nov 19th) and other days and keeping to myself.
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Old 11-03-2008, 04:53 PM
 
Location: um....guess
10,483 posts, read 9,614,771 times
Reputation: 1793
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alaskagrl View Post
Sorry you went through that. I encountered something similar at one time.

I've heard this one before; a guy coming down on a woman's behavior in her life BEFORE she was with him. Now, while I can understand completely that a guy may not want to be with someone who's been promiscuous or wild in their past, that doesn't mean that, if he ASKS for the information, and it's willingly shared with him, that he then has the right to keep constantly judging that person. Either he can handle her past, or he can't, and he oughtta be man enough to simply say that rather than use a checkered past as ammo, like you said.

If he asks for the truth, and gets it, then he should say--well, I can deal with that; let's not talk about it anymore--that part of your life is done now and you're with me. Or he should say "man, I cannot handle what you used to be like; I'll have that image of you in my head forever and I need to say goodbye." But to hang on to someone while at the same time tearing them down for their past...that's so destructive.
Yep, he was a complete & utter nut. Like serious psycho-case. I should've ran when I found out his ex had a restraining order against him. He needs medication, badly. Worst person I ever went out w/, & stupidly I put up w/that crap on & off for 2 long years. Thank god he moved to Colorado, I'm sure he's pulling the same stint on every other girl there. I really do wish that I would know when he was dating someone & then fly there myself & warn her about him. He's the devil. But you know, I'm kinda glad I went thru that to know that there is no way in hell I will ever allow someone treat me that way again. Kinda makes me gunshy though, like is the next guy I date going to try to kill me? How much worse can it get? Sorry, this isn't a pity party, I just can't believe I put up w/that, but I'm sure we've all got our war stories.
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Old 11-03-2008, 04:54 PM
 
Location: um....guess
10,483 posts, read 9,614,771 times
Reputation: 1793
Quote:
Originally Posted by cobolt View Post
My ex knew I was divorced from early on in the game. And he cancelled our wedding for that very reason, because I was divorced. It took him two and a half years to figure out he couldn't deal with that. He was so concerned about making me a tart because in his mind the Bible said I was still married.....Oh but you know....it was all good when we were having sex.....but when it came to a lifetime commitment, somehow I wasn't good enough for that....MMM kay...
Sounds like you had a peach as well, don't you just love those jerks?
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Old 11-03-2008, 04:57 PM
 
Location: The Great State of Texas, Finally!
5,231 posts, read 7,706,778 times
Reputation: 2197
Quote:
Originally Posted by karfar View Post
Yep, he was a complete & utter nut. Like serious psycho-case. I should've ran when I found out his ex had a restraining order against him. He needs medication, badly. Worst person I ever went out w/, & stupidly I put up w/that crap on & off for 2 long years. Thank god he moved to Colorado, I'm sure he's pulling the same stint on every other girl there. I really do wish that I would know when he was dating someone & then fly there myself & warn her about him. He's the devil. But you know, I'm kinda glad I went thru that to know that there is no way in hell I will ever allow someone treat me that way again. Kinda makes me gunshy though, like is the next guy I date going to try to kill me? How much worse can it get? Sorry, this isn't a pity party, I just can't believe I put up w/that, but I'm sure we've all got our war stories.
Well that's the thing. You learn so much from these experiences, but the wiser you are, the less you're gonna put up with, the higher your standards, etc. And then you think "is that a red flag or am I being too judgemental?" I remember that's how I felt in my last relationship. Yeah...they were red flags alright. I think I just don't have patience for drama anymore. My life is so drama free being single and not paired up with anyone. I guess peace comes at its price
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Old 11-03-2008, 04:58 PM
 
Location: The Great State of Texas, Finally!
5,231 posts, read 7,706,778 times
Reputation: 2197
Quote:
Originally Posted by karfar View Post
Sounds like you had a peach as well, don't you just love those jerks?
I'd use a different fruit to describe him....in fact, I kinda think there was a fruit thingy going on there in the closet, if you get my drift.
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Old 11-03-2008, 05:01 PM
 
Location: The Great State of Texas, Finally!
5,231 posts, read 7,706,778 times
Reputation: 2197
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadioBroadcaster2008 View Post
Yeah, I've become numb to it too.. and I learn to deal with it, mainly by ignoring people on Christmas, my birthday (Nov 19th) and other days and keeping to myself.
I'm the same way. I went off on a trip by myself for my birthday. I usually avoid the holiday invites because it's alot of Normal Rockwell wanna be stuff turned nightmare and this sounds horrible, but I think to myself when I'm at these things "gee, I could be at home right now eating pizza and watching ...fill in the blank." I keep to myself alot too. I think I do moreso here because I'm getting ready to move/leave the area, so I don't want to make connections.
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Old 11-03-2008, 05:02 PM
 
Location: Ridgway/Saint Marys, PS
943 posts, read 2,354,217 times
Reputation: 385
Quote:
Originally Posted by cobolt View Post
I'd use a different fruit to describe him....in fact, I kinda think there was a fruit thingy going on there in the closet, if you get my drift.
LOL, I got your drift!
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Old 11-03-2008, 05:05 PM
 
Location: Ridgway/Saint Marys, PS
943 posts, read 2,354,217 times
Reputation: 385
Quote:
Originally Posted by cobolt View Post
I'm the same way. I went off on a trip by myself for my birthday. I usually avoid the holiday invites because it's alot of Normal Rockwell wanna be stuff turned nightmare and this sounds horrible, but I think to myself when I'm at these things "gee, I could be at home right now eating pizza and watching ...fill in the blank." I keep to myself alot too. I think I do moreso here because I'm getting ready to move/leave the area, so I don't want to make connections.
I just keep to myself because I know I'd be a msierable grump if I hung around people.

The only one who takes pitty on me is my dog, George anyways.
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