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I have contacted churches, the womens shelter, moving companies I have plead even with his friends who don't want to get involved and my sister who is 3000 miles away and cant help for at least a month. I see no way out...........
Location: In my cat's house, until she finds a better human servant
372 posts, read 390,338 times
Reputation: 812
Quote:
Originally Posted by InchingWest
Bravo to you for packing up and doing what needed to be done.
And this is my problem with OP's whole story. Another poster on here said "Don't blame the victim" and at this point I'm like....well why not? She has agency.
I'll also say this. Do we have arranged marriages? Nope. Do we live in a society where divorce isn't possible? Nope. Are women free to choose their partners? Absolutely. So why keep choosing the losers? The warning signs were there all along (I guarantee it), but many (most?) women choose to ignore those signs and the oh-so-obvious abusive personality traits.
Sure the actual physical abuse or the oppressive mental/verbal abuse might not start until years down the road, but the character traits behind it all were ALWAYS there. This is why women need male friends who can keep them grounded and who are better judges of male character; I always give my ladies great advice. The sad part is that they're often hesitant to take it because they "don't want to be 'alone'", but I think that evolved as part of the cave-woman brain.
Arranged marriages exist here, they just aren't the norm. I personally know women who were sold to their rapists by family then shunned and threatened if they tried to leave, at least one had kids from this abomination and she was trying to protect them. There's also a very active child trafficking trade in the US. Just because you haven't seen it personally doesn't mean it doesn't exist. We live in a wonderful country for the most part but there are things that many don't see or turn a blind eye because it's ugly. Not all women come from safe families, not all have good men to turn to. That's all I'm saying. Not your fault or anyone else if you are unaware, but it exists nonetheless and so I give benefit of the doubt to someone who might be in danger until proven otherwise. I'd rather spend a few minutes writing a post and risk it not being a true story than not try to help a person when they were desperate and afraid.
Location: In my cat's house, until she finds a better human servant
372 posts, read 390,338 times
Reputation: 812
Quote:
Originally Posted by vhenderson
I have contacted churches, the womens shelter, moving companies I have plead even with his friends who don't want to get involved and my sister who is 3000 miles away and cant help for at least a month. I see no way out...........
I know this is overwhelming, please read what people have written, take a deep breath and make a plan. You can do this, it sounds like you aren't in immediate danger (if that changes call 911!!), I know it's hard but you can do this and find a safe place. Unfortunately it's something that you need to draw from inside yourself to get it done but you CAN, so please do. You can do this. It's going to be ok. Trust yourself.
I can't tell you how many times I have intervened between a couple, and it aint never been nice, I go over there and slap the husband around a little bit while the wife slaps me, and that usually works just fine. Then you go over there again and she wants to call the police and so you bring them into your house and they be crying for him the whole time, I done slapped him around twice and she begins a love/hate relationship with me as her savior and the persecutor of her beloved and she is torn. She goes back to him, and they come to me a couple weeks later demanding I pay their domestic violence fees.
I have pulled over in the middle of Beechnut, got out and brought a man down as he was beating the fire out of some women, and then she jumps on my back, and goes into crazy as hell, Daddy scared now.
I have had guns and knives pulled out on me from men and women because I wont tolerate a man beating on a woman, and 99 % of the time, I was always awarded punishment for my actions, but just to help one of them leave those crazy bastards is worth all the other failures.
I have dealt with a whole lot of people though, I have fought so many people that I can't even remember all the times, but sometimes that is all people understand when they are using their fists against somebody else. We just always had people in our house, there might have been 25 to 200 people in our house in any given year, we raised a lot of people, and the sort we dealt with was the type of people nobody else wanted to deal with because of violence, they understand violence.
Yeah, and that attitude shift is generally why a lot of cops used to wouldn't get involved in domestic disputes until it got REALY, REALLY ugly, because the women always ended up feeling sorry for their abuser after they got the shrit kicked out of them by someone.
Although, there have always been exceptions to that rule too. One of my best friends was a sergeant on a police force in a major Midwestern city (over 4 million population), and when the cops got called on a guy that beat up his wife severely, or kids, or was a molester, they would tell my friend to go to a payphone, whereupon he would be told who to go pick up for what, and "make sure you stop at the hospital first before you bring him in", which was code for, beat the offender to a pulp.
My friend being a 3 time State bodybuilding champion and someone who hated molesters and woman beaters, would accommodate them and warn the guy that if he ever got a call to pick him up for the same things again, he'd better be long gone on the first bus anywhere never to return, before he arrived. Illegal? You bet it was. But the wild wild west show was more of a deterrent than the judge slapping them on the wrist and letting them go pull weeds on city property for a few months. Obviously you can't condone that either, but sometimes when you watch the news, it makes you wonder if we need to go back to public floggings in the town square before some of these animals "get it".
I know this is overwhelming, please read what people have written, take a deep breath and make a plan. You can do this, it sounds like you aren't in immediate danger (if that changes call 911!!), I know it's hard but you can do this and find a safe place. Unfortunately it's something that you need to draw from inside yourself to get it done but you CAN, so please do. You can do this. It's going to be ok. Trust yourself.
To the OP.....^^^ THIS is what you need to focus on right now. Read concrete advice, make a plan, follow plan. You CAN do this, you're tougher than you now think, if you weren't he wouldn't have found it so enjoyable (or necessary in his warped eyes) to beat you down. Hang in there...
I have contacted churches, the womens shelter, moving companies I have plead even with his friends who don't want to get involved and my sister who is 3000 miles away and cant help for at least a month. I see no way out...........
Moving company? Who cares about stuff? Do you have a license? Get in a car and go. If not, walk. You don't see a way out? It's the door.
You're not making sense. Your family won't help for a month? How about wiring you enough money to get a cab to another town? Get a pet friendly motel near a restaurant and waitress. Or do phone sex in the room. Or get hired in housekeeping at the hotel. While you're there, get a po box and get a credit card. Use an advance to get an apartment.
I understand that the dogs are a big concern but otherwise it's only one person who you have to take care of. It's not like there's kids involved. If you're for real and have been sitting in a room for nearly 2 weeks, that's insane. I would have already hitch hiked to Little Rock and been working at Applebee's.
Instead of asking for advice and assistance here, you should have gotten out of town, taken your dogs to a boarder or shelter, explained the situation, beg for free/low cost board, hustled a cash job like waitress/bartender, found a cheap weekly hotel or room rental.... you could have done this in the time you've been sitting in the room and 2 weeks from now you could have been in a rental and retrieved your dogs.
Arkansas is cheap. You can rent a trailer for $600/month.
It sounds more like you are wrapped up in being a victim. Why would you call his friends? That can only lead to more abuse. You are spending weeks asking everyone for help...except yourself.
Eta, he's your husband right? Why didn't you call the lawyer today? You know that he has to give you some money. You're married. The lawyer could have already filed something to help you and probably have helped you get out of there. Arkansas has alimony. The lawyer can get you some temporary support at least. You need to get it together now and cry later. http://www.alimonyhq.com/arkansas-alimony.html
Location: In my cat's house, until she finds a better human servant
372 posts, read 390,338 times
Reputation: 812
Quote:
Originally Posted by hellob
Moving company? Who cares about stuff? Do you have a license? Get in a car and go. If not, walk. You don't see a way out? It's the door.
You're not making sense. Your family won't help for a month? How about wiring you enough money to get a cab to another town? Get a pet friendly motel near a restaurant and waitress. Or do phone sex in the room. Or get hired in housekeeping at the hotel. While you're there, get a po box and get a credit card. Use an advance to get an apartment.
I understand that the dogs are a big concern but otherwise it's only one person who you have to take care of. It's not like there's kids involved. If you're for real and have been sitting in a room for nearly 2 weeks, that's insane. I would have already hitch hiked to Little Rock and been working at Applebee's.
Instead of asking for advice and assistance here, you should have gotten out of town, taken your dogs to a boarder or shelter, explained the situation, beg for free/low cost board, hustled a cash job like waitress/bartender, found a cheap weekly hotel or room rental.... you could have done this in the time you've been sitting in the room and 2 weeks from now you could have been in a rental and retrieved your dogs.
Arkansas is cheap. You can rent a trailer for $600/month.
It sounds more like you are wrapped up in being a victim. Why would you call his friends? That can only lead to more abuse. You are spending weeks asking everyone for help...except yourself.
Eta, he's your husband right? Why didn't you call the lawyer today? You know that he has to give you some money. You're married. The lawyer could have already filed something to help you and probably have helped you get out of there.
To the OP, I know you're scared but this poster, along with others, have some good advice, when it comes down to it no one else can do this for you, but look at the options because they are out there. You posted here asking for help, please see that you have gotten help from a bunch of strangers (including me and I live clear across the country), people do care but the next step has to be yours and you can do it.
Forget about your stuff. Forget about your dogs. If you're truly in an abusive relationship, pack a small bag and start walking. Go to a friend's house. If you don't have any friends, go to a family member's house. If you don't have any family, take the freaking shelter in the next county. If you're truly in danger, it won't matter what county it's in.
Stop looking to strangers to help you do what only you can do.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I remember feeling like I was walking on eggshells growing up with a psychotic grandmother never knowing what might set her off. Maybe that's why I got out so quickly. Yes, I was fortunate I had a job, my own car and family nearby. How are you doing now?
This occurred during the Seventies. My abusive ex-husband died in 2008 at age 57 from heart disease. The last time I spoke with him he told me he had lost his hair and gained a great deal of weight. He had no outlet for his anger issues after I left, so my theory is he just kept eating until it killed him. He didn't smoke or drink.
Fluffy - I sincerely hope you've had some happiness in your life since then. Hugs to you.
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