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My folks and I are in Colorado and my two older brothers live in Florida.
One of them contacted me a couple of weeks ago and informed me that my folks are getting awful care and that they are spending way too much money staying in this imo very nice assisted living community.
My other brother, the oldest just doesn't conact any of us for months on end.
Nice to be the family's saviour from 2500 miles away.
My folks and I are in Colorado and my two older brothers live in Florida.
One of them contacted me a couple of weeks ago and informed me that my folks are getting awful care and that they are spending way too much money staying in this imo very nice assisted living community.
My other brother, the oldest just doesn't conact any of us for months on end.
Nice to be the family's saviour from 2500 miles away.
How can your brother possibly know that your parents are getting "awful care" from 2,500 miles away?
I don't remember from your previous posts if it your parent's money or money paid by their three children to stay in the assisted living community. Sadly, some adult children see their parents spending what they (the adult children) feel is their inheritance money on health care/ nursing homes/ and other expenses and want it to stop. Sometimes they would rather have the parents live in poverty or be cared for by a different sibling (not them) for free or some other ridiculous situation.
My folks and I are in Colorado and my two older brothers live in Florida.
One of them contacted me a couple of weeks ago and informed me that my folks are getting awful care and that they are spending way too much money staying in this imo very nice assisted living community.
My other brother, the oldest just doesn't conact any of us for months on end.
Nice to be the family's saviour from 2500 miles away.
Did you ask your brother how he plans to solve this "awful care" problem?
Yeah, it seems that he's taking offense to seeing folks spend their savings and social security on their own healthcare, and assisted living expenses which in my mind is very adequate and worth it.
I know what it was like trying to help them live in that home by themselves, to try and feed themselves, figure out their medicine, pay their bills, etc. It was a nightmare.
My cousins and I just finished getting the house they lived in cleared out and cleaned out and put back up for rent and I sold my mom's car for 4000.00 and will disperse 1200.00 into her checking and 2800.00 into my dad's savings. Meanwhile, I pay their bills, see them several times a week, bring them clothes and things, bring them food they like, fresh cantaloupe and watermelon, etc.
I'm actually happy watching them get healthier and less stressed and excited to meet new people.
I know what it was like trying to help them live in that home by themselves, to try and feed themselves, figure out their medicine, pay their bills, etc. It was a nightmare.
My cousins and I just finished getting the house they lived in cleared out and cleaned out and put back up for rent and I sold my mom's car for 4000.00 and will disperse 1200.00 into her checking and 2800.00 into my dad's savings. Meanwhile, I pay their bills, see them several times a week, bring them clothes and things, bring them food they like, fresh cantaloupe and watermelon, etc.
I'm actually happy watching them get healthier and less stressed and excited to meet new people.
This is similar to the experiences we had with my mom, my MIL, my aunt, and DH's aunt&uncle. Ditto several of our friends.
A combination of pension, SS, modest savings, income from house home or sale, and - in a couple of cases veteran aid & attendance - adequately funded the ALC and incidental costs. Like you we live nearby so were able to do exactly what you described - handle their affairs, visit and take them incidentals and treats.
We were also fortunate that in every case, they were ready and willing to enter LTC and were involved in choosing the facility.
This is similar to the experiences we had with my mom, my MIL, my aunt, and DH's aunt&uncle. Ditto several of our friends.
A combination of pension, SS, modest savings, income from house home or sale, and - in a couple of cases veteran aid & attendance - adequately funded the ALC and incidental costs. Like you we live nearby so were able to do exactly what you described - handle their affairs, visit and take them incidentals and treats.
We were also fortunate that in every case, they were ready and willing to enter LTC and were involved in choosing the facility.
This situation is the best of scenarios for everyone involved. Some people wait way too long to leave their home, which results in a crisis situation which is a nightmare for everyone. Also, it is much easier to blend into a community when you are willing and able to converse and adjust.
In my parents' case, they stayed in their home much longer than they probably should have (mid 90s), resulting in dealing with a health crisis situation, cleaning out and selling the home, and moving the surviving parent all within a few weeks. Since they were both completely sharp and able to drive, cook, clean and handle all doctor appointments themselves, they were determined to stay independent - until they weren't. The surviving spouse is the one who really suffers the loss of everything familiar in a very short period and can make a transition alone very difficult.
The admin of the place and I talked about people with dementia and alzheimers, and she said it only has a chance of going well when these people get their early enough to adjust to the changes.
I'm so glad that your parents were receptive to doing this and that it is working well for them! I wish my parents would have been open to this as it probably would have helped all of us in the long run. My Mom, with late stage dementia and no ability to care for herself, has required full time care for over 5 years now. They refused a care facility and/or moving to live with one of us children. Very difficult for all of us!
Ah my mom fell and hit her head again today. SInce she is on a blood thinner, they took her back to the main hospital to watch her.
She was even using her walker, trying to get to the bathroom.
I'm worried my mom may be asked to go back to a nursing home again.
I'm sorry to hear this. Aging is hard on everyone.
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This is similar to the experiences we had with my mom, my MIL, my aunt, and DH's aunt&uncle. Ditto several of our friends. 
