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And it is a learning experience and warning for those of us who are starting the journey. I have learned so many coping mechanisms and how we are not alone in dealing with this. There should be classes. Online would be good since so many can not leave home easily.
The Alzheimer's Association does offer numerous classes, from Understanding Dementia to Dealing with Chronic Illnesses (focusing on dementia) to The Savvy Caregiver (mainly for family caregivers) to Advanced Caregiving and several more. Some of these classes are on videotapes and can be borrowed from their offices for free (at least in my area).
They also offer Care Conferences by trained professionals, in person, by Skype or over the phone, also for free.
But, I have learned many things from others on the CD caregiving forum, too.
Have mercy, KA, that gave me my laugh for the day!
I do not mean to be dismissive of your mom, but it kind of reminds me of a toddler being left with a babysitter - wails, upset, waterworks, crying for Mama - but perfectly fine two minutes after you leave. The only problem is a toddler does not have access to a phone but your mom does.
She sounds like she is in good hands - enjoy your time away!!
Your mother sounds a lot like my late MIL. She would wake up her husband and have him take her to the emergency room at all hours if she was constipated. I honestly don't remember a lot of conversations with her that didn't in some way concern her bowels or poor health.
She had health anxiety to the max and took Valium on a daily basis. Didn't seem to help her calm down though.
My in-laws drove me crazy, but I must admit I miss them now that they're not around.
Katherine, I admire your sense of humor about the situation and I hope you find your mother's behavior as tolerable and humorous as you make it sound in your posts.
Of course, what I really want is for everyone to just quit the game playing and the drama.
Oh, I hear you! I. Hate. Drama. Particularly drama that is unnecessary. Life has enough ups and downs and yes, drama, without some Drama Llama coming along and making things worse!
OMG, the bowel stories have me laughing out loud. The "CNN of bowels". LMAO!
My Mom was the same way. She sat in her living room all day, not moving and not drinking a drop of water, because she was afraid if she stood up and walked, she would fall. Forget the bathroom; it was on the second floor. A chairside commode helped, but she would move it as close to her chair as possible, so that she didn't have to take a single step to the commode. Of course, she didn't want to use a walker, either!
She also ate terribly, despite having a well-stocked refrigerator and cabinets. No amount of cooking for her, leaving her meals, presenting her with food helped.
So it was inevitable that she would get constipated. She would then call my brother from his room (he lived with her) or call my other brother on the phone and start shrieking and moaning, literally, about her bowels. "Worst pain ever, etc." Then came the inevitable ER trip, an enema, and she would be sent on her way. The ER nurses were completely used to this kind of problem in geriatric patients.
We could never just ignore her, because constipation CAN become very serious if it is not remedied. (My elderly neighbor wound up with a perforated bowel and a colostomy because he ignored constipation for days and then didn't go to the ER immediately when an enema didn't work.)
So, back and forth to the ER. Mom moaning, groaning, writhing, etc. Hoo boy, fun times.
My MIL always, but always, came up with some kind of dilemma (in her mind) whenever we would be about to go on a trip. It never failed. Didn't stop us from going and she was always fine while we were gone.
Have mercy, KA, that gave me my laugh for the day!
I do not mean to be dismissive of your mom, but it kind of reminds me of a toddler being left with a babysitter - wails, upset, waterworks, crying for Mama - but perfectly fine two minutes after you leave. The only problem is a toddler does not have access to a phone but your mom does.
She sounds like she is in good hands - enjoy your time away!!
LOL she was fine while we were gone!
She really is sort of like dealing with a child - about a nine year old child. Pretty self sufficient and can be left alone for a bit but you better keep a close eye on her - that's about how she is!
Yep my mom was fine and we had a great trip. Going to go see her today! I'm sure she'll fill me in on the condition of her bowels and all that fun that went down while we were gone!
Saw this comic and thought of this thread (I admire your sense of humor and determination to provide good care, Kathryn. I did it for my parents and never regretted all the time and energy it required). My father was obsessed with a daily BM as well.
Well, Mom is pushing on through the holidays. She's been depressed off and on which is normal I guess. Her issue is that she has a hard time discussing her emotions. But she did tell me last night, to my surprise (but gratitude) that she misses her former home, and wishes she still lived there, in her own neighborhood with her friends. The thing is, though, she misses her former LIFE and that is gone. My dad's constant presence is what made that scenario work and he's gone now.
It seemed to help her to discuss it a bit though. She said, "That's why I don't want to sell the house," but I gently told her that it simply must be done. And it must.
Today I took her shopping and she was cute. She found the most adorable purse, and she almost didn't buy it, till I told her if she didn't, I was going to! So she bought it, along with some socks...and then a shawl...she was on a tear!
As we were checking out, she found a really pretty bracelet on clearance. She tried putting it on but didn't like the way it closed. So as soon as she said, "I don't like that," and put it down, I picked it up and said, "Well, I like it - I'll buy it!" Oh, you should have seen the look on her face! Suddenly she really wanted that bracelet! But she'd lost her chance! Even as I was buying it, she was digging through the clearance table looking frantically for one, and then she came over and stared at it while I was checking out, and she even hinted shamelessly that I should let her buy it! Honestly, she is very much like a child. Finally I said, "Mom, you got the purse - I got the bracelet. I think that's fair, don't you?" "Well..." she said, "I really like that bracelet. I can't believe you bought it."
BELIEVE IT, SISTER! LOL
Anyway, I have to be a little careful with her when we go out because I think she is sort of pushing the envelope to see if I will "let her" spend money. Of course I will - it's her money. But she truly is a clothes freak and she has so many clothes that they are crammed into her closet. She has already gotten fingernail polish on two expensive jackets she bought just last week. But oh well.
She's an odd duck. I wouldn't really say she is mentally incapacitated, because she understands a whole lot of what is going on, and a lot about human nature, that sort of thing. But she is also very weird about some stuff - like anything linear, including time. She is perpetually confused about the time of day, meal times, whether it's late in the afternoon, or the morning of the next day, whether or not she's eaten breakfast or lunch in the cafeteria. Thankfully, they have a cafe where she can get a variety of things 24/7 like sandwiches, desserts, milk, yogurt, that sort of thing, and she raids that place a LOT because I really do think she's often confused about what time it is and what meal it is.
I am still spending at least three hours a day going through estate stuff. I finally had to just give up and haul two file cabinets from my dad's office to mine, and start filling those up with estate files. My home office was filled with boxes of files and I was starting to feel like my life was spiraling out of control!
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