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You just never want to get yourself into a situation where they can grin and say: "I told you so!"
So please make sure you have a job lined up and/or plenty of savings to tide you over if you don't.
Good Luck!
I'm from central PA too (Williamsport, Lewisburg, Selinsgrove area) and pretty much had the same experience when we moved here 5 years ago. It was three things for my family; I was breaking tradition, they thought I thought I was better than them, and they feared for my safety. It's better now and my mom actually would move here in a heartbeat if she could convince my dad and my extended family that have visited are surprised how much they like it although they make sure to let me know they could NEVER live here. LOL I hope it gets better for you and your family too.
And I agree with stmaarten, I would never move down here without a job unless you have atleast a years worth of savings.
I have to agree whole-heartedly with Brian. I moved "south" in 1974 from Chicago; lots of issues, some immaturity on my part, but, still for a good reason. My (ex) spouse was in the military and that is where we were assigned!!
Over the years, I tried to move "home" once; could not take the drama and moved back. I have lived in several different southern locations, some resort-ish. In that time (not counting my parents who came several times simply because they knew their stubborn daughter plus the fact that I had no money) only 2 of my cousins ever came to see me...and that was 3 years ago. In fact, I was pretty much disowned by the rest of the family; something I am trying to restore now.
Moving south, as you know, (for some reasons) for the older northern crowd conjures up images of pre-1950 life. Even my best friend, when she visited me in Charlotte was astounded that we had expressways!! They think that we all live in shacks surrounded by wheat fields and broken-down cars or something, washing our clothes at the river. They don't take the time/effort to see what it is that intrigues us so and lash out.
Good luck with your move. There are a lot of us northerners here and, as you can see by the thread, there is a lot of support. You will have to trek north on holidays, they probably won't come down here despite the warmer weather. But, you will have to try to take the barbs and ridicule with a grain of salt; knowing that they are afraid of loosing you. Try killing them with kindness by sending frequent photos or have the family join Facebook so you can all have contact (or install webcams) It is hard, I know. Makes what should be a happy time, not so happy.
Sometimes, all the kindness that you show does not work. In that case, you just have to be a bit selfish as another poster said and do what is best for your immediate family. Maybe they will come around later. (hope so!)
You DO have a job here, right? Don't remember if you said. Please have a job lined up before you come or you might just play into the relatives' fears!
You just never want to get yourself into a situation where they can grin and say: "I told you so!"
So please make sure you have a job lined up and/or plenty of savings to tide you over if you don't.
Good Luck!
Exactly.
At the same time, isn't it sad that because you're not doing what THEY want you do to, they WANT you to fail? Relocation is difficult enough without all the drama "family" tries to impose. It's like they want to scare you away from making the move. If that's not an attempt at control, I don't know what is.
My best advise to you, is do what's best for you and your family. If they get out of line with their comments, put them in their place quickly and firmly. Establish the boundaries they need to respect. The earlier this is done, the better it will be.
My wife and I, along with two children are preparing to move here from central PA (coal region, very depressed). My issue is with our parents and a few siblings. They insist on condemning us for making this move. Saying we'll be sorry, we'll be back, and just in general very angry. What is wrong with these people? My wife and I feel it is best for us and our children to do this move. The area has so much more to offer. It has been very difficult for us to be happy about this when we are being ridiculed. My question is: Has anyone else experienced this type of treatment from families?
My parents were very forlorn when I left. I received the most flack from my mother, but my father took it the hardest. He's not much of a communicator.
In time, they saw that I was actually doing much better down here where I wasn't there, and slowly had to come to terms with the idea.
The people of my hometown didn't really care one way or the other, but were more than likely glad to have something to talk about with our common connections.
I guess the lesson here is: you need to look out for your charges (first and foremost) and yourself. Popular opinion be damned.
In all honesty, I consider America my home, not just Charlotte, not just North Carolina, not just the South. In essence, I feel like I moved from the living room to the TV room.
Last edited by Art1979; 02-22-2009 at 07:54 AM..
Reason: Added a little extra thought
Just remember: family can be cruel when they feel you are abandoning the way of life you all have collectively been living for decades.
For you to move means you are rejecting what they have accepted.
Plus, some people fear making change and might resent you for having the courage to "break out."
As long as you and your immediately family are moving forward and happy with your decisions, you are just gonna have to accept that the "people left behind" have their own reasons for being angry about your decisions - and none of the reasons have anything to do with YOUR WIFE AND KIDS' FUTURE AND WELFARE.
Don't let others make you feel bad about doing what is in your family's best interests.
My wife and I, along with two children are preparing to move here from central PA (coal region, very depressed). My issue is with our parents and a few siblings. They insist on condemning us for making this move. Saying we'll be sorry, we'll be back, and just in general very angry. What is wrong with these people? My wife and I feel it is best for us and our children to do this move. The area has so much more to offer. It has been very difficult for us to be happy about this when we are being ridiculed. My question is: Has anyone else experienced this type of treatment from families?
I cringed when I read this! My husband and I have received the EXACT same treatment from our families, well, mostly mine. My father cornered me one day when I was alone and let loose! He was yelling that our support system is here, that our oldest daughter needs to stay in the schools in MA, and it just went from bad to worse. We have not made the move yet. Since my father and I had that "discussion" that I described above, I have come to realize that he always counted on me being nearby. My parents are divorced, my sister hardly communicates with us, so I am basically all he has. Still, my family and I have to do what is best. It is just too hard for us to continue to live in MA, and are moving to make the best life for ourselves that we can. Best of luck to all of you, who are going through the same tough times!
Location: Some got six month some got one solid. But me and my buddies all got lifetime here
4,555 posts, read 10,409,746 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chicagocubs
Over the years, I tried to move "home" once; could not take the drama and moved back. I have lived in several different southern locations, some resort-ish. In that time (not counting my parents who came several times simply because they knew their stubborn daughter plus the fact that I had no money) only 2 of my cousins ever came to see me...and that was 3 years ago. In fact, I was pretty much disowned by the rest of the family; something I am trying to restore now.
Lucky you. My mother would break out her rolodex of excuses as to why nobody could visit me (and there were some good ones, too ). It would kill me every time I saw a friend of mine who moved here from New Jersey have family down. Who's parents came in from Connecticut, who's parents flew in from California, who's parents made the drive down from New Jersey, yet mine would have no part of it. Of course it was perfectly okay for us to make those trips back up. I'm sure in their minds each trip up was to be a reminder of everything good we had left behind. I'm also fairly certain that a part of the reason why they never visited us, especially giving their living situations (my parents/sister and brother in law owning the same two family home), is that they were afraid to see that things were better down here. God help the other if one decided that hey, maybe things can be better than what we have.
Lemme tell ya...between flying and driving, at one point we were averaging an every other month trip for a long weekend. We were seeing them more living down here than when we were living 35 minutes away, partly due to wanting to visit the area and partly to keep a promise that we weren't just going to disappear. The only form of reciprocation we ever got was an excuse as to why they couldn't visit themselves.
The short of it is that no matter how hard I tried in words and pictures, they made far more of an effort in coming up with excuses to not visit. Even when homesickness was at it's worst, they never made an effort to come down and visit. I'm supposed to sacrifice what better I can have for that?!?!? I'm sorry...I'm my own man, make my own decisions, live my life to the best of my ability. Some people have a problem with that realization. It's just the crappy part of human nature, but it is what it is.
Parents can complain, tear people down, put ideas in the heads of their sons and daughters, but the fact of the matter is that they will not help subsidize the life you realistically believe you can live for yourself in another area. Until they actually do, you do what you want to/need to for yourself and your family.
I don't know what gets into some parents with the inability to let their children spread their wings with any sort of grace. A feeling of abandonment, a feeling of jealousy, the realization that their little boys and girls have finally grown up, who knows what gets into some people's heads to act as irrationally as they do.
Brian, you hit the nail on the head and banged it in with one hammer swing! When my brother first announced to our NJ family in 1986 that he was moving his family (including the first grandchild) to Virginia, I thought the family civil war was "on".
But that didn't happen. While it was sad to see them move away, we dealt with it in a 20th century way. My folks decided to formally retire a couple of years later and move to VA as well. My family moved to VA in the meantime and my last remaining brother in NJ came too. We were then followed by my in-laws. So, the whole family went to VA for several years. Then we started going in different directions based on jobs, etc. But we all go back to Richmond to visit as it is still the adopted family basecamp.
What irked me since moving out of NJ in 1990 is exactly what you said about your family. None of our friends can understand that the highways go both ways. Some act like if they visit with us, then they have to listen to the sales pitch of why they should move here (like a timeshare). Believe me, my DW and I would not put that kind of pressure on a friendship. But it almost feels like if we don't take the first step to go visit our old friends, then seeing them isn't going to happen. They plan stuff around our visits including calling other old friends and family over, so I know they like our company as much as we like theirs. But it always has to be at "their place".
One family called us up from Disney wanting to stop by here on their way back to NJ. They were amazed and disappointed to learn that Charlotte wasn't on their way home and it would be a detour off I-95. Good gawd! But, it's okay for us to drive 10 hours each way to go visit them!!!
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). It would kill me every time I saw a friend of mine who moved here from New Jersey have family down. Who's parents came in from Connecticut, who's parents flew in from California, who's parents made the drive down from New Jersey, yet mine would have no part of it. Of course it was perfectly okay for us to make those trips back up. I'm sure in their minds each trip up was to be a reminder of everything good we had left behind. I'm also fairly certain that a part of the reason why they never visited us, especially giving their living situations (my parents/sister and brother in law owning the same two family home), is that they were afraid to see that things were better down here. God help the other if one decided that hey, maybe things can be better than what we have. 
