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I prayed and asked God to take away my codependence to the need of being with a woman, I haven't been on a date in like 15 years, I never would have believed I could live without a woman in my life, but I am happy I made that choice. Maybe God don't want you should get married?
Still...OP can ask. He has that desire, and God understands his desires probably better than OP does. Like a child asks for what he/she perceives to want and need, that's how we are. And a good parent knows that sometimes "not now" is the right answer. (If that's the case. I'm not implying anything one way or the other.)
Make a pitcher of frozen margaritas and another with frozen strawberry daqueries, go to the grocery store or wherever women hang out, and invite every woman you see to dinner, tell her it's a woman's night out and there is going to be peperincini chicken, just a bunch of women hanging out talking.
Every single Wednesday I hosted a woman's night out, and there was always 6 women sometimes more. This sort of way is very easy to ask a woman out on a date because even if they are not attracted to you at first, she maybe after she gets to know you, and if you are a good dancer, well, it's that easy. You always know who really likes you around other women and you get to know many women without being rejected.
Your problem is simple, you don't know enough women or you aren't around enough women, you throw a party every week, cook a good dinner, push the table back and dance, and they will all be waiting they turn lol, but meeting women is the goal, and you do what I say, you will be married in 6 months.
This is absolutely insane. I'm going to cook dinner, dance, and make margaritas for a bunch of women I meet out and about??? Makes no sense, nor is it practical.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hannibal Flavius
I prayed and asked God to take away my codependence to the need of being with a woman, I haven't been on a date in like 15 years, I never would have believed I could live without a woman in my life, but I am happy I made that choice. Maybe God don't want you should get married?
Well, in your case you're happy being alone. I know this is a catch 22 because everyone says you have to be happy alone, blah, blah, blah. But I simply don't believe that. Also, if its in my heart to want to be married and not be alone (we are social creatures, after all), then why would God keep me from that? Rhetorical question I struggle with.
This is absolutely insane. I'm going to cook dinner, dance, and make margaritas for a bunch of women I meet out and about??? Makes no sense, nor is it practical.
Well, in your case you're happy being alone. I know this is a catch 22 because everyone says you have to be happy alone, blah, blah, blah. But I simply don't believe that. Also, if its in my heart to want to be married and not be alone (we are social creatures, after all), then why would God keep me from that? Rhetorical question I struggle with.
I've been in your boat before Atlguy. I went 11 years between my first husband and my second husband. I really think that both of us had to go through stuff and grow, to be good mates for each other.
I HAD gotten to the point that I had prayed something like "Please God, you know I want a mate, but if it's not in the cards, OK. BUT PLEASE keep the bad ones away. I'm just so tired of bad relationships."
I met my second husband about a month later. I feel like I really just had to put it in God's hands, and accept God's answers. But still...I wanted what I wanted.
This is absolutely insane. I'm going to cook dinner, dance, and make margaritas for a bunch of women I meet out and about??? Makes no sense, nor is it practical.
Well, in your case you're happy being alone. I know this is a catch 22 because everyone says you have to be happy alone, blah, blah, blah. But I simply don't believe that. Also, if its in my heart to want to be married and not be alone (we are social creatures, after all), then why would God keep me from that? Rhetorical question I struggle with.
But hey, Hanni claims to have only one eye and one tooth, and if that worked for him, mebbe you should give it a shot.
This is absolutely insane. I'm going to cook dinner, dance, and make margaritas for a bunch of women I meet out and about??? Makes no sense, nor is it practical.
Well, in your case you're happy being alone. I know this is a catch 22 because everyone says you have to be happy alone, blah, blah, blah. But I simply don't believe that. Also, if its in my heart to want to be married and not be alone (we are social creatures, after all), then why would God keep me from that? Rhetorical question I struggle with.
Plan worked for me, I had only been with one woman and that was my wife, and this was a year after we divorced and I was so lonely and didn't know how to go about meeting women, you say ,'' Insane,'' but I lived it lol, it was sheer genius. My goal was to just meet women, it didn't matter what they looked like, meeting women leads to meeting more women. I do regret those days though, I was a bit out of control, went crazy for sure.
I don't think saying "Maybe God wants you to be alone" is a very nice thing to say. It's dismissive of the person's feelings who wants to be in a relationship. It's especially not a very nice thing to say when the person saying it has a spouse/relationship themselves.
Same with people who say "Maybe God doesn't want you to have children" to people who cannot have them.
That way of thinking would be one of the fastest ways to make me say "well then, the heck with God."
If there's a God and God is what God is said to be, God will understand the person's loneliness and have more compassion than the coldness evident in such thoughtless remarks.
Well, you don't know my history here. I have not been "sleeping", but I am tired of going out all the time making the effort. Its not easy going out alone and foprcing yourself to socialize, at least as a shy introvert. Thats not an excuse, since I do it anyway, but I'm sure it holds me back. I've done many things like join a church, attend meetups, take comedy classes, and I'm not only going to be in a mens group, but also 1 or maybe 2 co-ed groups, though all are church related. I also joined a country club, despite not feeling like I'm a "country club" kind of guy. Jury is out on that one. But yeah, I've tried many things, some of which I'm forgetting at the moment.
Yup it is hard to meet people being a shy introvert, but maybe you are putting more pressure on yourself by having the focus on meeting your wife. Generally people meet lots of people in different locations and situations and along the way relationships develop. You seem to be focusing on the end, having a wife, but the important thing is building relationships.
Maybe you could expand your interests and try some more different things, you say you took a comedy class. Do you have other interests? Even if you don’t, try some different things without limiting it to finding “a wife”
I just joined a men's small group and last night we were talking about praying and if we've ever heard God's voice. I personally don't believe prayer works because it has never worked for me. However, at this point, willing to keep trying. So the leader of the group knows I want a wife and told me to write out a very specific prayer about what I want. Thing is, he said something like "a prayerful wife" and it really turned me off and I thought, "well, that doesn't resonate with me". Would love to hear ideas/suggestions on examples of how I could do this and opinions on if it could possibly (I know, nobody knows) work. Maybe I need to have a lot more faith that it will work and then it will. I'm just kind of lost.
What you're trying to do, Atlguy, is put a psychological spin on prayer and there's nothing wrong with that. Having more faith is a mind thing, so if you believe you need more faith to "supercharge" your prayers then get more faith somehow. Psyche yourself. Say, "I have so much faith God is going to get me a wife I would bet my life on it." Then go out and make yourself as attractive as you possibly can. If you're bald get the best hairpiece money can buy. If you're ugly get plastic surgery. If you're fat lose weight. If you're skinny start working out with weights and make yourself buff and muscled like Jason Statham. Do all of this, think positive, tell yourself, "I am the greatest thing since sliced bread and God thinks I am too" and believe it. Then start approaching women with confidence that would put Brad Pitt to shame and you will get the girl of your dreams. That I guarantee--if you do all I have suggested. Women, no matter how Christianized they are, deep down still want a winner, not a whiner.
What you're trying to do, Atlguy, is put a psychological spin on prayer and there's nothing wrong with that. Having more faith is a mind thing, so if you believe you need more faith to "supercharge" your prayers then get more faith somehow. Psyche yourself. Say, "I have so much faith God is going to get me a wife I would bet my life on it." Then go out and make yourself as attractive as you possibly can. If you're bald get the best hairpiece money can buy. If you're ugly get plastic surgery. If you're fat lose weight. If you're skinny start working out with weights and make yourself buff and muscled like Jason Statham. Do all of this, think positive, tell yourself, "I am the greatest thing since sliced bread and God thinks I am too" and believe it. Then start approaching women with confidence that would put Brad Pitt to shame and you will get the girl of your dreams. That I guarantee--if you do all I have suggested. Women, no matter how Christianized they are, deep down still want a winner, not a whiner.
I'd rather have a bald guy than one with a hairpiece. Just sayin'.
If anyone makes fun of him, the bears will eat them. It's in the Bible.
I don't think saying "Maybe God wants you to be alone" is a very nice thing to say. It's dismissive of the person's feelings who wants to be in a relationship. It's especially not a very nice thing to say when the person saying it has a spouse/relationship themselves.
Same with people who say "Maybe God doesn't want you to have children" to people who cannot have them.
That way of thinking would be one of the fastest ways to make me say "well then, the heck with God."
If there's a God and God is what God is said to be, God will understand the person's loneliness and have more compassion than the coldness evident in such thoughtless remarks.
Totally agree, thank you for this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meerkat2
Yup it is hard to meet people being a shy introvert, but maybe you are putting more pressure on yourself by having the focus on meeting your wife. Generally people meet lots of people in different locations and situations and along the way relationships develop. You seem to be focusing on the end, having a wife, but the important thing is building relationships.
Maybe you could expand your interests and try some more different things, you say you took a comedy class. Do you have other interests? Even if you don’t, try some different things without limiting it to finding “a wife”
Totally get what you're saying here, and well, I am putting pressure on myself. I can't deny that. I'm 50 and time is getting away from me if I want to have even one kid and have the energy to raise them. Yes, I'm getting into biking, guitar lessons, travel (though I hate doing that alone), yoga classes, etc. I do a variety of different things. And I'm not saying I would rush to get married within 3 months either. It takes a while to get to know someone. I just want to meet someone and have a really good feeling about it and have it be mutual.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thrillobyte
What you're trying to do, Atlguy, is put a psychological spin on prayer and there's nothing wrong with that. Having more faith is a mind thing, so if you believe you need more faith to "supercharge" your prayers then get more faith somehow. Psyche yourself. Say, "I have so much faith God is going to get me a wife I would bet my life on it." Then go out and make yourself as attractive as you possibly can. If you're bald get the best hairpiece money can buy. If you're ugly get plastic surgery. If you're fat lose weight. If you're skinny start working out with weights and make yourself buff and muscled like Jason Statham. Do all of this, think positive, tell yourself, "I am the greatest thing since sliced bread and God thinks I am too" and believe it. Then start approaching women with confidence that would put Brad Pitt to shame and you will get the girl of your dreams. That I guarantee--if you do all I have suggested. Women, no matter how Christianized they are, deep down still want a winner, not a whiner.
Yep, and I have a full head of hair, in shape, have a good career, etc. BUT I'm geographically challenged for sure. I'm very conscious of appearance (not in an arrogant way) and always try to look my best. Maybe I need to grow a beard, as I'm probably one of a select few men in this part of the country who don't have one. I'm a clean shaven, in shape professional who's trying to be the best man I can be. Its just not getting results at all.
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