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The fact that you are sad means that something is bothering you. Scriptures do point out that we are not to be unequally yoked but there is more to this for a reason.
I know a couple that is just as you have it and he is still good to her and has not changed but neither has his views on Christ. Because of this, there is always a sadness in her marriage because she cannot share what God is showing her daily and not have a spouse understand the joy she has. He accepts it but he can never understand it. Even a belief in God is not a relationship and that boundary is what her relationship is lacking......Christ.
There are 2 parts of a person that is seen when you are a believer. The first is the man/women part. This is where we have the kindness, tenderness, protective, good things about a person's personality. As a man this is where I have the good manners, uplifting words, generosity, things that I give to a woman as a man. The second part of a person is their Christianity. This is the part that determined if you are saved or not saved. Many marriages have one and not the other/or lacking in one. There are so many Christian marriages that have the Christianity part but not the man/woman part which is where we end up with feeling neglected, lack of manners, feeling unloved, laziness, sloppyness etc. This is the part in Christian marriages that begins to lag as time goes which is where the saying "the romance is gone" comes into play.
Many Christian marriages are failing not because the spouse has stopped being a Christian but because the man/woman part has changed from when they began their relationship. This is why many hunger for romance back in their lives, to be loved again.
It is very easy to hunger and accept one part over the other but the truth is, both areas must be strong. To accept the man/woman part over the Christianity part because those needs are being met, we must face the following truths and only you can accept it or reject it:
1) If God is who we love more then anyone and anything, then if someone rejects what Christ did for us on the cross then they in truth, hate He who we love more then anyone or anything. The closest example is if you have a child whom you love, could you be with someone who loves you but hates your child? In other words someone who accepts you but not someone whom you love? That is the relationship between an unbeliever and a believer. Anyone who does not believe that Jesus is the way the truth and the life does not have the same heart you have toward Christ and in truth hates He who loves them more then His very life.
2) Could you marry someone who you have given your heart to, who after they pass away be separated from you and God for all eternity? The simple fact is the pain that is felt in an unyoked marriage is the truth that the person whom you love will not be with you in the next life. That is a pain that must be accepted(unless they become a believer-see #3.)
3) They may become a believer. A) This is the hope of all couples who have married an unbeliever or both were unbelievers when they were married and one became saved. This hope is unfortunately only that, a hope. There is no guarantee that they will ever change and may not even through your prayers(but do not give up.) If we go into marriage with this hope the marriage is already lacking the entire Christianity part and we are already going into a union that is not being held together by Him who can hold a marriage together. b) Even if they become a believer, can you really be sure that were genuine in their words? The answer is no, even though we all lie the very fact that they were an unbeliever before marriage how could you be sure that they did not do it just for you? You can't be sure, it is hard enough determining if someone's heart really is for the Lord but it is certainly easier to believe that someone loves the Lord when they have done it before you came along. This is a thought that many struggle with since all spouses do things for the one they love.
4) God always has a good plan for us. It is the choices we make that determine if we receive His perfect will, or His permissive will. If we believe that God has chosen someone for us, we can definately be sure that that person is a child of God. We all have the choice to receive the gift God has for us or something that He allows. A good father has good gifts for His children but we who know our father know that he always has the best for us. God is the same way, He always has the best gifts for us that He chose beforehand. This is His perfect will, but God also has a permissive will which is allowing us to receive things which although seem good, are not what He came up with. This is the same in marriage. God certainly would not pick someone that was not of Him for one of His children because He knows they are not the best for us.
This is the part many do not understand as patience. God does not pick someone who He hoped will receive Him someday but someone who already knows Him because an unbeliever may never receive Him. It is hard enough to see who comes into our lives if they are the one God has chosen but we must at least understand that someone who fulfills the essentials is what must be and the 1st essential is that they are saved. Someone not saved may never be saved and that person is not who God had in mind as the perfect.
The only thing that we must believe in is that God loves us more than anything and that the important things such as marriage He wants us to have the best. God will allow us to be married to an unbeliever but we must understand that the cost for doing so(even though it fulfills the man/woman part) is the loss that God had someone else who He knows of, whose heart is after Him and whose heart will be after you and will protect, love, care, fight for you , not with the love of man but with the greatest love of all. The love of God who will lay down His life for you as Christ loves the Church and God's love will never leave you or forsake you. An unbeliever cannot love with the love of Christ, only with the love of man and that should never be enough for a Child of God.
The two parts of a person go hand in hand. One strengthens the other perfectly. Without the Christian part, love may still exist but it is not the love God always had planned for us. When man's love fails, and it will it is Christ's love that keeps marriages together. Marriage is hard enough, it is when we love with His love and our love fails that keeps us faithful in marriage. When we enter a marriage with His love over our own, that love is what we search for. Entering a marriage with already the greatest love missing is another aspect against us with a successful marriage since our love is not enough. That is why God has always meant for us to marry with Him in the marriage already. A man's heart who already loves with God's love would never leave you or hurt you intentionally. We all hurt each other in some way but when we love with His love that love is what will sustain a marriage. My love will fail, but His love will never fail and if I love as I am commanded to, I will fall back on Him and that will sustain my marriage and keep us together when the hard times come, and they will come.
Marriage Vows:
1) In sickness and in health.
2) for better or for worse.
3) For richer or for poorer
This can all happen in one day. Man's love will not sustain the above vows. Only God's love will keep me faithful to the vows that I have made before God. So when the day of trouble comes, I will hold onto Him and He will keep me in the above vows because I did not lie before Him. Vows are made before God not man, how can we be faithful to keep them if I made these vows believing that God was not part of them. It is His very existence and the truth that I made these vows to Him that I am made accountable for what I do. This is what will compel me to keep these vows as exactly that vows. Without Him, these vows mean nothing because I will fail.
I can only speak for myself, I will wait for His perfect will. I rather spend 1 day with the person God chose for me, then 50 years with the one whom He didn't.
Patience is Trust, Trust is Faith. Faith in Christ will never fail. Christ has not forgotten and will never forget us. Wait on Him and you will look back on today and see that it was worth it.
God Bless!
Last edited by Romulus0; 02-13-2010 at 11:57 PM..
Reason: Added thought
I don't see what the problem is. You're a believer and he's not. Big deal. It's not for your friends, family or anyone else to decide for you how your marriage is going to turn out. That's between you and him. It seems to me like he's not making a big deal out of it or that he cares (unless he does and you haven't mentioned it). So, why should it be such a big deal to you? It's a difference of opinion and belief.
I always view this kind of dilemma as on par with a Democrat saying they're in love with this person but unfortunately they're a Republican (or vice versa). Is that really a reason not to marry someone?
It's not for your friends, family or anyone else to decide for you how your marriage is going to turn out. That's between you and him.
Is that really a reason not to marry someone?
Exactly. To me, I could care less if my husband is a believer or not, as long as he is a good, honest and caring man. But, that's just me. However, these decisions ( weather or not to marry him, how will your marriage turn out etc ) are between you and him. Don't listen to your family, friends etc. Do what makes you happy. Good Luck!!!
He believes in the gospel, Jesus as Christ, and God?
What is the problem?
There is little evidence of anything happening after death and besides that when you are able to truly know which one is right you'll need to be dead and you won't really care.
Love each other and forget about that little difference.. all marriage takes compromise even if it is just about the type of food you eat or music you listen to.
I think you are sad because of the seeds of doubt that others have placed upon you according to "their" beliefs, not necessarily what God may be telling you in your heart..You are a child of God first and He has given you the Holy Spirit to guide you ..Listen to that which is within and follow His advice...
Your fiance sounds like a good man, a believer and loves you for who you are not for what he can change you to be...
Don't let poor advice based on other peoples experience or beliefs spoil this beautiful time in your life..
Exactly. To me, I could care less if my husband is a believer or not, as long as he is a good, honest and caring man. But, that's just me. However, these decisions ( weather or not to marry him, how will your marriage turn out etc ) are between you and him. Don't listen to your family, friends etc. Do what makes you happy. Good Luck!!!
"Do what makes you happy"..........this is exactly why we suffer so much in this twisted world that we are now living. "Do whatever makes me feel good"! "Do what I want"! "Look out for number one"! "If it feels right to me, then it must be"! Me, me, my, my!
This is a Christian woman who loves God that we are giving our opinions to. We Believer's in Christ must do what is right in the sight of God, live it, breathe it, eat it, if I may! It isn't as simple as......"doing what makes us happy", hence; the cry for help.....
No marriage have taken place yet, there's time, perhaps a long engagement is in order? I don't know. But what I do know is, she is here reaching out for help because 'something' just isn't right......
So to you my friend, that loves the Lord with all your heart and soul, there is only one answer to your question: What is the Lord telling you in your heart? Find a quiet space and time for you and Him alone, listen my friend, you'll hear Him and be comforted.
The fact that you are sad means that something is bothering you. Scriptures do point out that we are not to be unequally yoked but there is more to this for a reason.
I know a couple that is just as you have it and he is still good to her and has not changed but neither has his views on Christ. Because of this, there is always a sadness in her marriage because she cannot share what God is showing her daily and not have a spouse understand the joy she has. He accepts it but he can never understand it. Even a belief in God is not a relationship and that boundary is what her relationship is lacking......Christ.
There are 2 parts of a person that is seen when you are a believer. The first is the man/women part. This is where we have the kindness, tenderness, protective, good things about a person's personality. As a man this is where I have the good manners, uplifting words, generosity, things that I give to a woman as a man. The second part of a person is their Christianity. This is the part that determined if you are saved or not saved. Many marriages have one and not the other/or lacking in one. There are so many Christian marriages that have the Christianity part but not the man/woman part which is where we end up with feeling neglected, lack of manners, feeling unloved, laziness, sloppyness etc. This is the part in Christian marriages that begins to lag as time goes which is where the saying "the romance is gone" comes into play.
Many Christian marriages are failing not because the spouse has stopped being a Christian but because the man/woman part has changed from when they began their relationship. This is why many hunger for romance back in their lives, to be loved again.
It is very easy to hunger and accept one part over the other but the truth is, both areas must be strong. To accept the man/woman part over the Christianity part because those needs are being met, we must face the following truths and only you can accept it or reject it:
1) If God is who we love more then anyone and anything, then if someone rejects what Christ did for us on the cross then they in truth, hate He who we love more then anyone or anything. The closest example is if you have a child whom you love, could you be with someone who loves you but hates your child? In other words someone who accepts you but not someone whom you love? That is the relationship between an unbeliever and a believer. Anyone who does not believe that Jesus is the way the truth and the life does not have the same heart you have toward Christ and in truth hates He who loves them more then His very life.
2) Could you marry someone who you have given your heart to, who after they pass away be separated from you and God for all eternity? The simple fact is the pain that is felt in an unyoked marriage is the truth that the person whom you love will not be with you in the next life. That is a pain that must be accepted(unless they become a believer-see #3.)
3) They may become a believer. A) This is the hope of all couples who have married an unbeliever or both were unbelievers when they were married and one became saved. This hope is unfortunately only that, a hope. There is no guarantee that they will ever change and may not even through your prayers(but do not give up.) If we go into marriage with this hope the marriage is already lacking the entire Christianity part and we are already going into a union that is not being held together by Him who can hold a marriage together. b) Even if they become a believer, can you really be sure that were genuine in their words? The answer is no, even though we all lie the very fact that they were an unbeliever before marriage how could you be sure that they did not do it just for you? You can't be sure, it is hard enough determining if someone's heart really is for the Lord but it is certainly easier to believe that someone loves the Lord when they have done it before you came along. This is a thought that many struggle with since all spouses do things for the one they love.
4) God always has a good plan for us. It is the choices we make that determine if we receive His perfect will, or His permissive will. If we believe that God has chosen someone for us, we can definately be sure that that person is a child of God. We all have the choice to receive the gift God has for us or something that He allows. A good father has good gifts for His children but we who know our father know that he always has the best for us. God is the same way, He always has the best gifts for us that He chose beforehand. This is His perfect will, but God also has a permissive will which is allowing us to receive things which although seem good, are not what He came up with. This is the same in marriage. God certainly would not pick someone that was not of Him for one of His children because He knows they are not the best for us.
This is the part many do not understand as patience. God does not pick someone who He hoped will receive Him someday but someone who already knows Him because an unbeliever may never receive Him. It is hard enough to see who comes into our lives if they are the one God has chosen but we must at least understand that someone who fulfills the essentials is what must be and the 1st essential is that they are saved. Someone not saved may never be saved and that person is not who God had in mind as the perfect.
The only thing that we must believe in is that God loves us more than anything and that the important things such as marriage He wants us to have the best. God will allow us to be married to an unbeliever but we must understand that the cost for doing so(even though it fulfills the man/woman part) is the loss that God had someone else who He knows of, whose heart is after Him and whose heart will be after you and will protect, love, care, fight for you , not with the love of man but with the greatest love of all. The love of God who will lay down His life for you as Christ loves the Church and God's love will never leave you or forsake you. An unbeliever cannot love with the love of Christ, only with the love of man and that should never be enough for a Child of God.
The two parts of a person go hand in hand. One strengthens the other perfectly. Without the Christian part, love may still exist but it is not the love God always had planned for us. When man's love fails, and it will it is Christ's love that keeps marriages together. Marriage is hard enough, it is when we love with His love and our love fails that keeps us faithful in marriage. When we enter a marriage with His love over our own, that love is what we search for. Entering a marriage with already the greatest love missing is another aspect against us with a successful marriage since our love is not enough. That is why God has always meant for us to marry with Him in the marriage already. A man's heart who already loves with God's love would never leave you or hurt you intentionally. We all hurt each other in some way but when we love with His love that love is what will sustain a marriage. My love will fail, but His love will never fail and if I love as I am commanded to, I will fall back on Him and that will sustain my marriage and keep us together when the hard times come, and they will come.
Marriage Vows:
1) In sickness and in health.
2) for better or for worse.
3) For richer or for poorer
This can all happen in one day. Man's love will not sustain the above vows. Only God's love will keep me faithful to the vows that I have made before God. So when the day of trouble comes, I will hold onto Him and He will keep me in the above vows because I did not lie before Him. Vows are made before God not man, how can we be faithful to keep them if I made these vows believing that God was not part of them. It is His very existence and the truth that I made these vows to Him that I am made accountable for what I do. This is what will compel me to keep these vows as exactly that vows. Without Him, these vows mean nothing because I will fail.
I can only speak for myself, I will wait for His perfect will. I rather spend 1 day with the person God chose for me, then 50 years with the one whom He didn't.
Patience is Trust, Trust is Faith. Faith in Christ will never fail. Christ has not forgotten and will never forget us. Wait on Him and you will look back on today and see that it was worth it.
Ronij, I wanted to add... I understand your sadness, I do. I, myself just returned my ring. I will not compromise! See, I love the Lord with all my heart.......and will not disobey. When I try to do things on my own, oh how I fail so miserably! I'm determined to wait upon the Lord. Like Romulus0 so eloquently put it:
"I can only speak for myself, I will wait for His perfect will. I rather spend 1 day with the person God chose for me, then 50 years with the one whom He didn't".
See, I too, shall wait upon the Lord, for this IS good!
Thank you for all of your replies. I will have to go to a quiet place and reflect on what God wants for my life. I have talked to others and know that marrying him with be very tough spiritually.It is just very difficult knowing how great he really is... While, he has always said that if I break it off (because of my beliefs) then he will understand. But, I know how rare he is and will always think about him. Thank you again.
I would recommend some marriage prep classes. My daughter married an agnostic and that marriage lasted 5 years before he decided he wanted to marry someone else.
On the other hand, many of my relatives married outside the faith and many of those marriages lasted. There are so many divorces in my generation and my daughter's generation. No one wants to make the committment anymore.
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) If we go into marriage with this hope the marriage is already lacking the entire Christianity part and we are already going into a union that is not being held together by Him who can hold a marriage together. b) Even if they become a believer, can you really be sure that were genuine in their words? The answer is no, even though we all lie the very fact that they were an unbeliever before marriage how could you be sure that they did not do it just for you? You can't be sure, it is hard enough determining if someone's heart really is for the Lord but it is certainly easier to believe that someone loves the Lord when they have done it before you came along. This is a thought that many struggle with since all spouses do things for the one they love. 
