Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
When I was a child my friends were my neighbors and classmates. I had to make no effort to meet them and have common ground. It just happened.
I then went to a non-local high school and hardly knew anyone. I struggled to make friends and for years thought there was something wrong with me. College was even more difficult. After college I moved to a distant city where I knew no one, and really put some effort into trying to be social. After all those years I learned some lessons.
The relationships I made were short-lived and artificial. I felt no real emotional connection. And I realized that everyone was in the same boat. Those who looked like they were socially adept were just good at acting out a role. Few seemed to enjoy it. Adults also have so many more distractions and ulterior motives compared to children. There is nothing like a relationship forged during childhood.
I then moved back to where I grew up and my childhood friendships, which had been dormant for years, immediately woke up. It wasn't the same, for sure, but it was way better than the deliberate relationships I had forged in college and after.
I think we need to get over the notion that you can make friends by simply trying harder or being more socially adept. It's akin to telling people struggling with finances to just work harder; in reality they are probably maxed out already and you're just shaming them.
Strong friendships are grounded in years of shared experiences. You can find someone later in life similar to you and bond for sure. I know because I married one, but that is rare. (That is one area where "putting yourself out there" actually works, since connecting with a stranger is a numbers game.) Rather, the people with the best social networks seem to be those who maintained continuity with their childhood friends and locale. It's like investing in a retirement account, where time matters most.
People who want to be connected should seriously weigh the costs of moving away from their childhood city and social circle. We need to be realistic that such a support network is irreplaceable; you're only young once. We can all work on being more sociable and gracious to increase joy in life, but we should also stop diagnosing social isolation as stemming from a lack of effort or skill. That is a tactical solution to a strategic problem. The strategy is, don't move far from home if you want a good social life.
I ache for people who were isolated or transient as children, or even worse alienated from their family. That is a poverty that can hurt as much as being money poor. Many only have vague notions of what they lack.
And I can only shake my head at the attitudes of some, who reach for the brass ring and mock the people who stayed in their small town and make less money, as rubes or goobers. Maybe the goobers knew something about happiness you didn't?
If you don't have a childhood support network I'm sorry, and striking out on your own makes sense. But if you do you should seriously weigh it in the balance. Our society is tilted too much towards maximizing status at the cost of connection. I see decreasing domestic migration rates as a reaction to this. I think we didn't appreciate how much we would lose by becoming a transient, upwardly-mobile society in the postwar period, and we're only now trying to go back to more connected ways of living.
Wow! I can’t put into words how immensely relatable this story is to me.
I was doing so well in my birth area/hometown until a move in elementary school ruined it all for me. The move was so emotionally costly. I had issues socially in the next place, there were some school shuffles, and eventually that move served as a contributing factor to my parents’ divorce, leading to a move with my mom to another city where I finished high school. I went to college not close to where I finished high school and have had multiple post college graduation cities. Even though I’ve been in my current city 5+ years & would appear rooted from that statistic alone, I am hardly rooted.
So I would be the person you ache for, because I was childhood transient. There is also familial alienation & isolation in my story too.
In order to get my sexual needs satiated, I’ve had to be a maniacal cold approacher. I would never have had to do that if I had been rooted throughout childhood in that same area where I was born & lived there as an adult, with maybe only a short 4 year stint in college away (or maybe I would have gone to college within 1-2 hours driving of my childhood home). In that alternate reality, all my romantic relationships would have formed through my social circle. It would have been far easier. Even when a person has success through mating apps or cold approaching, the process is so much more difficult because you are far more likely to get treated like garbage along the way, especially in the first few weeks & months of any interaction.
A cousin of my mother’s side had the alternate reality I just described. He grew up & remained in a mid-sized metro area less than 1/10th the size of my Top 10 U.S. metro area (since college graduation, I’ve lived in 2 Top 15 most populated metros). He had a fraction of the garbage treatment I received dealing with strangers in mating efforts b/c everything happened through social circle. He did very little in the way of cold approaching, and never cold approaching on the street, in the mall, or in the grocery store. He never used an app. When a 10+ year relationship & 5 year marriage went down the toilet a few years ago, he had potential dates lined up the second his now ex wife filed for divorce & a new exclusive relationship rapidly, even before the divorce papers were signed 5 months after filing. He remarried less than 2 years after the finalized first divorce. That’s the power of being rooted in a geography.
Due to my transience, there’s economic impact, especially when my cousin & I are compared. My cousin is rooted, so he can buy real estate. I am not rooted because my relationships have not eclipsed the 3 year mark. I can’t buy real estate with relationship transience like that. I need to do much more fitness, aesthetics, and fashion spending than he does to attract & retain partners because when meeting strangers for cold approach, you get no leeway ever, so my aesthetics need to be on point & my physical fitness needs to be top notch to deliver a worthwhile experience. While my cousin’s relationships are likely to sputter eventually, he ends spending more on divorces & alimony.
A lot of success in mating comes down to roots. I’ve had to work immensely more without roots.
I’ve gotten some nasty rejections on approaches. I’ve gotten ghosted after app first dates, which is so hurtful & part of why I stopped using. I’ve never once worried about a harassment claim.
As for rape, the women are usually really wanting sex by the time they make it over to my place. I agree good screening is a good practice. I pursue because I have sexual needs.
These women are going to say you sexually harassed them. Just because they didn't report you to anyone doesn't mean they don't feel like it's sexual harassment. They are being brainwashed by feminists to think that approaches like yours are harassment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RationalExpectations
That reminds me of the hooker who complained to the police she had been raped the previous week.
"Why didn't you report it last week?"
"I didn't know it was rape until the check bounced."
lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by RationalExpectations
Just have her sign a consent form ahead of time, and audio tape the encounter to provide evidence no one said "no" or "stop" or the equivalent.
You still need to get a tox screen in case she has been drinking or taken drugs. Then you need a full psychological profile to determine if she is feeling coerced somehow. And both your lawyers need to look over the consent form.
...Go look at the couples at Walmart for anthropological proof that most of us choose normal people who are in our league.
Wal-Mart is ample proof that despite histrionic screams to the contrary, human reproductive activity does go on. The results of said activity may however occasionally be called into question.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ComeCloser
... If the millennials don't reproduce, there will be no one working to cover their SS. We pay the benefits of people collecting now as we work. That is just ONE way a reduced population degrades the economy.
This solution to this thorny dilemma is immigration.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RJ312
...The majority of marriages are failures to some extent.
Nearly all of human endeavors are "failures to some extent". Nevertheless, we somehow muddle along.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RJ312
... if you go to most churches of any denomination, single and unattached people or single, attached, but not yet fully committed (engaged or married) are a small minority of attendees. Romantically unattached or only moderately attached Millennials don't really want to spend time in churches where they don't feel like they are a dominant presence.
After a certain age, most people are coupled-up... and most are going to have children. The single/child-free will find themselves in small and shunned minority, whether religious or secular, materialistic or austere, creative or dull.
It actually does make sense. The US is not a predominantly Catholic country that due to spiritual beliefs has historically rejected all forms of birth control.
What an interesting, uh, alternative history you've dreamed up there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ComeCloser
Having 6 or 7 kids (larger families) hasn't worked in the US since the 1940's when most Americans lived on farms, and all those children contributed to the economy of the family by helping out around the house and farm.
I see you've never visited Utah. Come to Utah.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ComeCloser
I think the SS of the babyboomers is safe because there are as many millennials if not more.
I realize this isn't the economics forum, but you should really be careful with statements like that. The solvency - or lack thereof - of Social Security has nothing to do with what anyone thinks. It is about actuarial science, which is above the pay grade of most everyone on C-D, coupled with a healthy dose of political pragmatism, which is beyond the ability of anyone to forecast.
Wal-Mart is ample proof that despite histrionic screams to the contrary, human reproductive activity does go on. The results of said activity may however occasionally be called into question.
This solution to this thorny dilemma is immigration.
Nearly all of human endeavors are "failures to some extent". Nevertheless, we somehow muddle along.
After a certain age, most people are coupled-up... and most are going to have children. The single/child-free will find themselves in small and shunned minority, whether religious or secular, materialistic or austere, creative or dull.
The latter isn't true, or at least not in all churches. I have a very good friend in her 50's whose church has a large singles group. Every summer there are about 3 dozen of them that rent rooms in the beach town I used to live in. It was a fun group. It's a large church. No one is shunned there for being single.
These women are going to say you sexually harassed them. Just because they didn't report you to anyone doesn't mean they don't feel like it's sexual harassment. They are being brainwashed by feminists to think that approaches like yours are harassment.
I really don’t care if anyone thinks I sexually harassed them, so long as it isn’t reported. They are free to think whatever they want to think. Based on the large volume of approaches I’ve done, you’re probably correct that at least one person has probably perceived it, but it isn’t reality.
Sexual harassment matters in the workplace, but I do not look to mate at my workplace. I don’t want to deal with potential repercussions at the workplace. My work field is competitive & it isn’t easy to find jobs in my field, regardless of economic conditions.
I have had women in workplaces over time say things to me that if roles were reversed, I’d be getting in trouble with HR. I didn’t report the women for harassing me because I didn’t feel harassed, I felt it was a compliment to my sexual aura.
Approaching in general life circumstances is essential. I’m going to keep approaching when I have sexual needs & no existing partners because cold approaching is better than Tinder, though both aren’t ideal.
I really don’t care if anyone thinks I sexually harassed them, so long as it isn’t reported. They are free to think whatever they want to think. Based on the large volume of approaches I’ve done, you’re probably correct that at least one person has probably perceived it, but it isn’t reality.
Sexual harassment matters in the workplace, but I do not look to mate at my workplace. I don’t want to deal with potential repercussions at the workplace. My work field is competitive & it isn’t easy to find jobs in my field, regardless of economic conditions.
I have had women in workplaces over time say things to me that if roles were reversed, I’d be getting in trouble with HR. I didn’t report the women for harassing me because I didn’t feel harassed, I felt it was a compliment to my sexual aura.
Approaching in general life circumstances is essential. I’m going to keep approaching when I have sexual needs & no existing partners because cold approaching is better than Tinder, though both aren’t ideal.
You never know when something like this is going to bite you on the butt. Keep apprised of any law changes. Look what is being considered in Britain:
Quote:
If you talk to a woman in Nottinghamshire, East Midlands in the United Kingdom and she doesn't want to be spoken to by you, prepare to get a call from the police.
In an effort to crack down on the alleged "tidal wave of abuse and harassment" women face every day, the county's police force is now considering things like catcalling and pickup lines to be a hate crime if they are directed toward a woman from a man.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
