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I moved here from the east coast over two years ago. I didn't come here because I was inspired by the mountains or the outdoor lifestyle like so many others seem to suggest. I didn't have some ideal fantasy about Colorado. I literally had no place else to go after a divorce. I knew CO was going to be different, but I thought over time I would adjust, make some friends, and maybe even one day start dating again. None of that has happened. I don't seem to click with anyone. And when I do meet someone I think could be a potential friend, I'm often blown off very quickly. I've never felt more undervalued, overlooked and disregarded. It's gotten to the point where I have just stopped trying to be social all together. I'm starting to not see a future here. Apparently, everyone in Colorado already has all the friends they need. Has anyone else struggled to find a sense of belonging here? Do I need more time, or is it time to move on?
Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time.
Have to say that I do sympathize. I've not made any real friends in the five years I've been here, a marked difference from my time in southern New Mexico where people were much more open and willing to welcome me into their circles.
Not sure what it is. People just don't seem to engage with others here the way they do there.
I even tried attending a few different churches when I was first here in an attempt to find a new church home and even there, while people were polite, they just didn't seem all that interested in newcomers.
I've pretty much accepted that this is my life here and have found many satisfying solitary entertainments, but if interacting with others is very important to you, it might be time to find somewhere more conducive to your needs.
I've had a lot of work people friends and some activity friends, but Denver is not like any other cosmopolitan city. Being in the 40s you're not hip anymore and have a different value set then the 20s or 30s. Denver is family friendly, but not older/elderly friendly. Still a mix of cowtown and growing city. Myself I just don't have much in common except with transplants, drinkers and coworkers. I'm a friendly guy if you're not a hiker, biker or fitness expert, Denver may not be for you. Personally, I like NM more, but its not as glamorous. People are busy raising a family and commuting. Anyway, good luck. I'll be a friend if you need one. PM me.
I moved here from the east coast over two years ago. I didn't come here because I was inspired by the mountains or the outdoor lifestyle like so many others seem to suggest. I didn't have some ideal fantasy about Colorado. I literally had no place else to go after a divorce. I knew CO was going to be different, but I thought over time I would adjust, make some friends, and maybe even one day start dating again. None of that has happened. I don't seem to click with anyone. And when I do meet someone I think could be a potential friend, I'm often blown off very quickly. I've never felt more undervalued, overlooked and disregarded. It's gotten to the point where I have just stopped trying to be social all together. I'm starting to not see a future here. Apparently, everyone in Colorado already has all the friends they need. Has anyone else struggled to find a sense of belonging here? Do I need more time, or is it time to move on?
For me:
Since June 1, 2007. And counting.
I moved here from the west coast, and I came for the big city and snow.
I've mostly been used by "friends". I've made a few good ones, but most of them are here today, gone tomorrow.
Furthermore, something I've noticed culturally that I find different (I've noticed this in Denver up to Fort Collins, but not in Colorado Springs), is that social activities kind of abruptly end without much in the way of goodbyes, pleasantries/etc. At best, there's a weed circle somewhere, but beyond that, things just end and everybody goes their separate ways without saying much. No hanging out or long conversations afterwards, no drinks/barbecues/etc., just over and out.
I moved here from the east coast over two years ago. I didn't come here because I was inspired by the mountains or the outdoor lifestyle like so many others seem to suggest. I didn't have some ideal fantasy about Colorado. I literally had no place else to go after a divorce. I knew CO was going to be different, but I thought over time I would adjust, make some friends, and maybe even one day start dating again. None of that has happened. I don't seem to click with anyone. And when I do meet someone I think could be a potential friend, I'm often blown off very quickly. I've never felt more undervalued, overlooked and disregarded. It's gotten to the point where I have just stopped trying to be social all together. I'm starting to not see a future here. Apparently, everyone in Colorado already has all the friends they need. Has anyone else struggled to find a sense of belonging here? Do I need more time, or is it time to move on?
I definitely feel you on this! I came from Minneapolis, which is a very difficult city to make friends, and I even feel down some days here when trying to maintain friendships. In Minneapolis, it was very hard to break into a friend group, but once you did, everyone was extremely loyal and treated you like family. In Denver, you meet people very quickly, but those relationships die off fast. Either people move away, or they get caught up in their hobbies or weekend trips.
This may be a little bias, but if it weren't for my hobbies here, I would have no reason to stay in Denver. I really like the city, but I personally don't see the COL, or all the negative aspects, to be worth it without the proximity to the mountains. Compared to other cities I have lived in, the daily grind wears me down so much faster here. Friday comes, I try to endure the insane traffic to the mountains, and then I forget about everything until Sunday night.
Things do feel pretty temporary for me here. My housing situation, the job, my relationships, friendships, etc...it all feels like a vacation in a way. I am just here to have fun for a few years, knowing that I will not be able to stick around forever. And that is OK, but as I get older, I start to question things. Are all of the fun activities worth the few years of superficial friendships and experiences? Will I look at my bank account in a few years and regret that I blew all my money chasing the CO experience while making the most money I made so far in my life? ...I don't know. I have been considering other options lately.
So no, you are not alone. I feel like many people I talk to share a similar experience to you. But, there are still some great people out there! Even if you are considering leaving soon, I would still try to find your crew. Denver has a large amount of social group sports and activities. Try to find the one that interests you the most. Even if you don't find your new BFF on a team, just having a weekly scheduled activity to count on can help you get out of a funk.
I also don't want to blame your situation, but I feel like a divorce will always be a wet blanket in your life. It doesn't matter where you go, or who you meet, a divorce will suck the fun out of your life no matter what you try to do. While not the same, I went through some rough relationship problems when I first came out here. I went from a 3 year relationship of living together, to a long distance one. It killed me, and really put a damper on my first experiences here.
As Denver grows quickly, there should be more transplants in a similar situation.
BUT they are also busy trying to make a living in an expensive area where lots of other people (competitors) want to move. Being in a rat race doesn't exactly predispose people to socialize.
To be frank, your post had a bit of a defensive air to it, "I don't like the things that other people came to CO for. I came here because I had no alternative." That doesn't resonate well with people who, in many cases, sacrificed something to move to CO. The no-alternative part comes across as, "This would have been my last choice if I had had one."
If you start interactions on that note, it turns people off. Aside from the friendmaking thing, maybe it just isn't home to you in other ways. Salty air? Forget it. I grew up in salty air, moved to CO, and sometimes really missed the ocean, too, but I loved CO and I knew it before 10 months had passed. Much later, I even moved away for a few years thinking maybe the sea was calling to me in my senior years. It was...but even that ultimately could not override the pull of the mountains, canyons, desert, and plains. Your heart will tell you if the geographical place fits; getting to know people is more complicated.
I moved here from the east coast over two years ago. I didn't come here because I was inspired by the mountains or the outdoor lifestyle like so many others seem to suggest. I didn't have some ideal fantasy about Colorado. I literally had no place else to go after a divorce. I knew CO was going to be different, but I thought over time I would adjust, make some friends, and maybe even one day start dating again. None of that has happened. I don't seem to click with anyone. And when I do meet someone I think could be a potential friend, I'm often blown off very quickly. I've never felt more undervalued, overlooked and disregarded. It's gotten to the point where I have just stopped trying to be social all together. I'm starting to not see a future here. Apparently, everyone in Colorado already has all the friends they need. Has anyone else struggled to find a sense of belonging here? Do I need more time, or is it time to move on?
I was born and raised in Colorado but moved when I became an adult and other then visits, I could never adjust to the mentality of the overall culture of the state.
Best decision I made was moved away when I became an adult. I can't imagine moving back to Colorado either the introverted and cold culture is not for me.
People don't seem to smile much in Colorado these days either. Lots of fly by night, unethical companies and people who are mad because they choose to swim in debt because they have to live a celebrity emulated lifestyle.
Used to love it but every time I come back for a visit, I like it less and less.
It has not always been like this, used to be a very extroverted and friendly state. But in the last decade, it has been gotten much more arrogant and introverted.
Used to be in Denver was a very extroverted and neighborly city, now it is just a superficial, pretentious and rude keep up with the Jones ultra-competitive odd place.
I moved here from the east coast over two years ago. I didn't come here because I was inspired by the mountains or the outdoor lifestyle like so many others seem to suggest. I didn't have some ideal fantasy about Colorado. I literally had no place else to go after a divorce. I knew CO was going to be different, but I thought over time I would adjust, make some friends, and maybe even one day start dating again. None of that has happened. I don't seem to click with anyone. And when I do meet someone I think could be a potential friend, I'm often blown off very quickly. I've never felt more undervalued, overlooked and disregarded. It's gotten to the point where I have just stopped trying to be social all together. I'm starting to not see a future here. Apparently, everyone in Colorado already has all the friends they need. Has anyone else struggled to find a sense of belonging here? Do I need more time, or is it time to move on?
I'm also from the east coast and moved from CA - I've also found living in Denver to have been quite the adjustment from both coasts and I've only been here since March of last year.
I feel I'm in the same boat as you - like have I given it enough time? Is it worth bailing to go somewhere else and start over again? My lease in up in September and I really don't know if I want to sign for another 6 months.
I will say I've met more than a fair share of pretty cool guy friends within the last few months. Although most of the time it's within the consumption of drinking booze and partying, so not the most "intellectual" if you're into that sort of thing (I'm not.) However what bugs me is the dating scene. I thought it would be easier, but it's harder than L.A. by a long shot. Sorry Denver, it really shouldn't be this way.
I got clearance to work out of our Los Angeles office if I want to which, it certainly would be interesting to go back. But only 1.5 years later? I'm literally on the fence.
For the record, I don't think my personality type is cherished all that much in Denver either so I'm sick of it on that front. If I do decide to leave I don't think the friends I've met here so far will take it very well though But in all honesty, I've heard them even say they want to move to "XYZ" so perhaps it's inevitable.
For the record, I don't think my personality type is cherished all that much in Denver either so I'm sick of it on that front. If I do decide to leave I don't think the friends I've met here so far will take it very well though But in all honesty, I've heard them even say they want to move to "XYZ" so perhaps it's inevitable.
If you could expand on what your personality type is, that would be helpful.
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But in all honesty, I've heard them even say they want to move to "XYZ" so perhaps it's inevitable.
