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I hated to leave, as I really loved it there. My company offered me a raise, and a promotion in another city, and my account in Denver was going away due to a hostile takeover by another company. I wanted to stay with my company so agreed to move. Looking back on it, I probably should have just looked for another job in Denver. Life happens, and we make the best decisions we can at the time.
My goal is to get back there in the next year or so.
Back where I started, PA. My company moved me around the country for ten years, but the bulk of it was spent in CO. I am considering moving back to CO, but also maybe Cheyenne, WY due to the direction, and costs CO has been moving since I left.
I moved to Denver from Philly where I lived all my life, so it was an adjustment also. However, I was married at the time, and we quickly made friends with our neighbors, who were much more friendly than our neighbors back in the Philly burbs.
I had a hair stylist in Philly who moved to Denver. I sometimes wonder how that turned out. She was pretty typically South Philly Italian and somehow I don't see her being happy with Denver in the long run. It just seems like it would be too different, but she said she didn't want to spend her whole life in Philadelphia, so maybe she found what she wanted.
I moved here from the east coast over two years ago. I didn't come here because I was inspired by the mountains or the outdoor lifestyle like so many others seem to suggest. I didn't have some ideal fantasy about Colorado. I literally had no place else to go after a divorce. I knew CO was going to be different, but I thought over time I would adjust, make some friends, and maybe even one day start dating again. None of that has happened. I don't seem to click with anyone. And when I do meet someone I think could be a potential friend, I'm often blown off very quickly. I've never felt more undervalued, overlooked and disregarded. It's gotten to the point where I have just stopped trying to be social all together. I'm starting to not see a future here. Apparently, everyone in Colorado already has all the friends they need. Has anyone else struggled to find a sense of belonging here? Do I need more time, or is it time to move on?
Quote:
Originally Posted by intrinsiknergy
I didn't mean to come off like CO was the last place I would have chosen. It's just that when I talk to people about my feelings on this subject they often suggest that I must have had some sort of fantasy version of what CO would be like, and I was just trying to convey that I really had no expectations either way (other than I knew it would be very different). I've read many posts on C-D where the OP seemed to have idealized life in the mountains prior to moving, and while I can totally understand the pull for those who love the various outdoor activities popular here, unfortunately, I'm just not an adventurer like that. My interests have mainly been music related. There seems to be a very homogenous, hive mind around outdoor play here, and if you don't enjoy spending your time mountain biking, hiking, skiing, etc. it's considered a great affront to CO culture. Whereas, back home, we are allowed to like and dislike activities based on our personality, not our specific geography.
First of all, I've BTDT as well. It got better when we had our kids, and ironically, I started staying home more. I got to know the neighbors better, got involved with a babysitting co-op. I'm still good friends with some from that old co-op, and my "baby" turned 30 on the 4th of July. Now I realize you don't have kids so that won't work for you, but hopefully something will.
Some people do come to CO with some sort of fantasy about Colorado. I really didn't have a clue; I came here when DH and I got married. If anyone had a fantasy about CO it was him. The realities of work, home ownership and then kids intruded on the skiing/camping every weekend ideas he had. Churches can help if that's your thing and they're the type of church that gets people involved right away. What churches, meet-up groups and the like can do is give you some social outlets until you find your niche.
Moved here a year ago. I love waking up everyday, I couldn't imagine living elsewhere.
I grew up in a tiny town about 6 hours North and fell in love with Colorado the first time my family took me to Keystone, was such a massive upgrade over my local resort.
I prefer Lakewood/Arvada/Golden and Littleton to Denver though. I couldn't care less about living in the trendy areas with all the hipsters. I live near Bel Mar which is a pretty easy commute to downtown for work and you can get the mountains easily.
Dating here has been fun, I've met quite a few new friends and the COL doesn't seem that bad to me. Yeah, the traffic sucks at times and I70W is a mess.. but I deal with just fine. I bought my place for 340K, 3b/2b with a 2 car garage. Works for me.
I had a hair stylist in Philly who moved to Denver. I sometimes wonder how that turned out. She was pretty typically South Philly Italian and somehow I don't see her being happy with Denver in the long run. It just seems like it would be too different, but she said she didn't want to spend her whole life in Philadelphia, so maybe she found what she wanted.
Ha, my family is originally from South Philly. That may be a bit of a culture shock for her, but it is amazing how people often adapt. I grew up in the burbs, so the Denver burbs weren't a stretch for me. My wife at the time was home sick for about a month, then as we began to make friends, she totally changed, and loved it. Part of making the adjustment easier was that we both liked outdoor activities, and would typically get lost in the mountains every weekend.
Well I'm from the NYC-Metro area so, duh . I don't like living in NYC compared to even Denver at this point. Great to visit family and always have a place to stay though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ApartmentNomad
I had a hair stylist in Philly who moved to Denver. I sometimes wonder how that turned out. She was pretty typically South Philly Italian and somehow I don't see her being happy with Denver in the long run. It just seems like it would be too different, but she said she didn't want to spend her whole life in Philadelphia, so maybe she found what she wanted.
I know someone who's very Philly and loves it out here. He also runs a restaurant so it's pretty fitting for him. We need more people from the Northeast running restaurants that's for sure. Denver has some of the laziest in the service industry.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pilot1
Back where I started, PA. My company moved me around the country for ten years, but the bulk of it was spent in CO. I am considering moving back to CO, but also maybe Cheyenne, WY due to the direction, and costs CO has been moving since I left.
That's gotta be tough. I can't imagine moving back to NY/NJ/PA at this point unless it was absolutely necessary for family reasons.
Furthermore, something I've noticed culturally that I find different (I've noticed this in Denver up to Fort Collins, but not in Colorado Springs), is that social activities kind of abruptly end without much in the way of goodbyes, pleasantries/etc. At best, there's a weed circle somewhere, but beyond that, things just end and everybody goes their separate ways without saying much. No hanging out or long conversations afterwards, no drinks/barbecues/etc., just over and out.
Most people will write it off as a "new city" , "not the right fit", "age", etc.
The truth is it usually multi-factorial, but there is something about Denver and the Front Range that makes it really difficult to feel like you belong, like you have people you can count on.
And I'm not a transplant, I'm a native!! I grew up in the Loveland/Ft. Collins are and left for about 8 years to do college and grad school. I returned to Denver, been here for 5 years, and never have felt like I had a good stable of friends. Sure I've had gym buddies, but those friendships usually dont go beyond the gym. Every time I try to reach out and build a friendship beyond an acquaintance, people flake, they arent interested, or dont follow through after one hangout. Hangouts also have to be scheduled a week or three in advance.
After 5 years I have 2 reliable good buddies, and a couple "incidental" friends/couples we see on occasions. Everyone is too busy with their own agenda. Even my wife, who is extremely personable and fun to be around, has only 1 or 2 girlfriends that are halfway consistent.
For a while there I thought it was me, but then I talked to other people who felt the same way.
My theory is that Denver and Colorado in general attracts a lot of independent people. Most folks here are transplants, and the unmarried <40 crowd in particular often comes for lifestyle reasons. Their hobbies and jobs take precedent over relationships. Relationships for the typical Denverite are incidental, or symbiotic. Those who move here with families have their family, they arent necessarily looking for a "tribe".
This has been confirmed by the time I've spent in the upper midwest. Every time I would go back there to visit my wife's family I was taken aback at how people actually gave a ***** about spending quality time together. Not everyone has a personal agenda they are late for. BBQs last all afternoon, not 2 hours. People call you, hug you, ask you to hang out. They actually go over to each other's house and....play cards!! I've never seen anything like it, lol.
So you're not alone, and I wouldnt let others convince you you just havent 'settled in' yet.
Most people will write it off as a "new city" , "not the right fit", "age", etc.
The truth is it usually multi-factorial, but there is something about Denver and the Front Range that makes it really difficult to feel like you belong, like you have people you can count on.
And I'm not a transplant, I'm a native!! I grew up in the Loveland/Ft. Collins are and left for about 8 years to do college and grad school. I returned to Denver, been here for 5 years, and never have felt like I had a good stable of friends. Sure I've had gym buddies, but those friendships usually dont go beyond the gym. Every time I try to reach out and build a friendship beyond an acquaintance, people flake, they arent interested, or dont follow through after one hangout. Hangouts also have to be scheduled a week or three in advance.
After 5 years I have 2 reliable good buddies, and a couple "incidental" friends/couples we see on occasions. Everyone is too busy with their own agenda. Even my wife, who is extremely personable and fun to be around, has only 1 or 2 girlfriends that are halfway consistent.
For a while there I thought it was me, but then I talked to other people who felt the same way.
My theory is that Denver and Colorado in general attracts a lot of independent people. Most folks here are transplants, and the unmarried <40 crowd in particular often comes for lifestyle reasons. Their hobbies and jobs take precedent over relationships. Relationships for the typical Denverite are incidental, or symbiotic. Those who move here with families have their family, they arent necessarily looking for a "tribe".
This has been confirmed by the time I've spent in the upper midwest. Every time I would go back there to visit my wife's family I was taken aback at how people actually gave a ***** about spending quality time together. Not everyone has a personal agenda they are late for. BBQs last all afternoon, not 2 hours. People call you, hug you, ask you to hang out. They actually go over to each other's house and....play cards!! I've never seen anything like it, lol.
So you're not alone, and I wouldnt let others convince you you just havent 'settled in' yet.
I've mentioned this in another thread, but:
I have a big customer in Chicago. I was there this past December for a day, and got to meet tons of people I talk to on the phone all the time. It was a great experience.
Anyhow, all of these people were giving me hugs, offering to take me out to dinner, offering to take me home to have dinner and meet their families, asking if I was going to stay for a couple days/etc (heck, one of them just emailed me asking when I'm coming out there next), and I was almost brought to tears by it all. These folks have no reason to try and impress me, as I'm that provides the service for them.
Even back in my native CA I feel like most people relate to each other in friendlier ways, and have more genuine interest in each other. People talk to each other about their lives, projects they're working on, weird things that happened to them, etc. It's not even like that IME here. 10 years of it!
The "Colorado" thing to say would be, "If you like CA and/or Chicago so much, why don't you go there and live?", because you know, there's nothing wrong with this place ever/at all.
Your experience mirrors mine, and indeed, it is good to know I'm/we're not ALONE!
Last edited by Count David; 07-31-2017 at 05:08 PM..
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. I don't like living in NYC compared to even Denver at this point. Great to visit family and always have a place to stay though.
