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No, I just think there are more appropriate ways to discipline a child. If a child does something wrong I think they should be punished appropriately. I don't think paddling is ever appropriate. I was never spanked or paddled and I turned out fine. Just because you lack non-violent parenting skills doesn't mean everyone needs to beat their children. I think if a parent wants to spank their child that is their choice. I don't think it is fine for a school to decide my kid needs to be spanked.
No one ever said that someone who spanks lacks non-violent parenting skills (an inciting term if I ever heard one) It is fine that you turned out fine without a paddling, but I turned out fine with them.....there is more than one way to parent.
BTW, I don't know of any school that will paddle without a parent's permission anyway......
I did give my child love pat reminders as a small child. I did not insuate that my child was unruly and all, I was just using him as an example. He is a very humble person.
The question posed is: Do we want spankings to take place in schools by strangers? Well do we? No. I definately do not.
I would try to talk and listen to the troubled child. Try to help them direct their anger issues. Sometimes all it takes is to listen. They already have a problem it's obvious. You don't continue to wound an already wounded child.
The spanking issue belongs to the parents. That is a private, home family issue. Parents need to be held more accountable in this area. Not so far that they go to jail over it though. The reason we all have trouble with this issue is because there are so many different situations.
Ok, back to the 6'3" kid. My child is still in school. I was using him as an example in my earlier post. I am going to do it again.
So if my child was one of the ones to need a spanking, How would you propose it be done? Where is the line drawn because I did not see one on the OP question? How old and how big do they have to be before the school spankings stop?
If a child has been emotionally and mentally wounded, then you certainly don't continue to wound them further and expect them to be good little submissive kids. That just does not work. You can however take the spirit out of them until they believe they are not worthy. Stop! and listen to your children and take time to put action to their words.
I do know that kids are out of control, mouthy, discourteous, dishonest, sexing, drugs and violent. We as adults are responsible to some extent. Todays children seem to think that us parents are here just to make sure they are happy in everything they do. I got news for them. I am mother and you will respect everywhere you go. You will sit down and shut your mouth in school unless you are being spoke to. But, with that being said, I expect the professionals to be professional in their job. Do I believe everything everytime the school says it so?? Not by a long shot. I have been head to head with some teachers. I expect them to respect and be professional in the different situations. Reaching out and touching (spanking) a child is definately not professional. So my final answer is NO!
novanative where are you? Can you shed some light on this? Isn't this your neck of the woods? Do you believe in spanking bad children at school? I would rather think that you would handle it differently without the physical abuse. Hope to hear your rationale. She is a veteran school counselor.
LIVE LAUGH AND LOVE
Unite,
I don't think there should be corporal punishment in junior high or high school for sure. As far as elementary, that depends on the child.
I agree that I don't want a stranger spanking a child, but a teacher or administrator shouldn't be a stranger to a family. Parents need to get to know the teachers and admin at that school to work together to solve problems. Sometimes that may require a spanking, sometimes not. I think a spanking at school when supported at home helps the situation.
Since you understand the value of a "love pat" you can understand that if a group is working together, it can be in the best interest of the child.
It makes a LOT of sense. Let's see, if I'm a 6 year old boy who decks another kid in the face, and I get popped at school for it, how likely am I to deck another kid?
Not much.
You're using YOUR logic to try to negotiate with your child. That doesn't work in cases like that. Statistics will always support kids who are spanked, properly, combined with other forms of discipline. They almost always do not turn out to be abusers or violent. Very few in comparison to those who are allowed to get away with just a time out. Kids' logic goes like this:
Let's say Billy and Alex are brothers.
Billy smacks Alex.
Alex cries.
Billy gets a "time out".
Billy realizes that the time out isn't such a bad punishment for the pleasure of smacking Alex.
Billy smacks Alex again.
Billy gets a longer "time out".
This continues until Billy decides smacks aren't fun anymore, at least, not as fun as pushing Alex down the slide or stairs.
Billy gets another "time out" and his Wii taken away.
Billy moves on to either escalate his incidences with Alex or other people, including his Mom and Dad, who have basically proven "time outs" as a primary disciplinary tool don't work.
Or, you could do it this way:
Billy smacks Alex.
Billy gets a spanking.
Billy doesn't like that much.
Thinks a little harder before deciding it isn't worth it to smack Alex again.
Aaaaah--now you're getting kids' logic.
How about you get a little more creative than either worn out alternative (I don't care for time-out)?
Billy smacks Alex. For the next week (or whatever time period you determine) Billy has to be "nice" to Alex. If they are brothers Billy has to bring Alex his dinner, make Alex's bed, pick up Alex's dirty underwear and put it in the laundry for him, etc. etc. etc. Works wonders without hitting anyone.
Since Billy was mean to Alex and the behavior you want to encourage is Billy being nice to Alex the punishment actually has something to do with the transgression. You force Billy into the behavior you want to encourage. PLUS you are modelling the non violent behavior you are trying to encourage. This is especially important because children model the behavior of their parents.
Edited to add:
I don't negotiate with my kids over consequences for their actions. Make no mistake about it I am the adult, they are the kids. My word is law. Don't confuse lack of hitting for lack of discipline. I might negotiate over bedtimes or stuff like that, but consequences for their actions are not negotiable.
Last edited by Momma_bear; 12-28-2007 at 07:27 PM..
Reason: I forgot something
How about you get a little more creative than either worn out alternative (I don't care for time-out)?
Look, whatever--insert what you want. I'm just using time-outs as a classic example.
Quote:
Billy smacks Alex. For the next week (or whatever time period you determine) Billy has to be "nice" to Alex. If they are brothers Billy has to bring Alex his dinner, make Alex's bed, pick up Alex's dirty underwear and put it in the laundry for him, etc. etc. etc. Works wonders without hitting anyone.
Wow. How old are your kids? Works wonders, eh? Don't think so!
Quote:
Since Billy was mean to Alex and the behavior you want to encourage is Billy being nice to Alex the punishment actually has something to do with the transgression. You force Billy into the behavior you want to encourage. PLUS you are modelling the non violent behavior you are trying to encourage. This is especially important because children model the behavior of their parents.
Edited to add:
I don't negotiate with my kids over consequences for their actions. Make no mistake about it I am the adult, they are the kids. My word is law. Don't confuse lack of hitting for lack of discipline. I might negotiate over bedtimes or stuff like that, but consequences for their actions are not negotiable.
Well, we are just going to have to agree to disagree on the spanking. Good for you that you're the adult and your word is law. Just as you don't want me to confuse lack of hitting for lack of discipline (which, just to clarify, I never said or insinuated) I would ask that you not confuse spanking--as a form of discipline--with abusive behavior or "violent" behavior as a few others here have.
Have a great night...I'm off to put my sweetie to bed.
Wow. How old are your kids? Works wonders, eh? Don't think so!
Have you ever tried it? How do you know it wouldn't work? My kids are 8, 11, 13 and they are really past the age of hitting each other. It's really something they did more when they were younger and I used this punishment when they were younger. It was QUITE effective.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2Feebs
Well, we are just going to have to agree to disagree on the spanking. Good for you that you're the adult and your word is law. Just as you don't want me to confuse lack of hitting for lack of discipline (which, just to clarify, I never said or insinuated) I would ask that you not confuse spanking--as a form of discipline--with abusive behavior or "violent" behavior as a few others here have.
Have a great night...I'm off to put my sweetie to bed.
We can agree to disagree on this issue.
I don't think spanking is abusive. It is a choice that adults need to make when it comes to their kids.
I just don't see how it makes sense for adults to model behavior that they are trying to extinguish. Kids really do model what the adults they love do. Have you ever watched a toddler play with dolls and then compared their play to their parents actions? It's absolutely AMAZING how much of our behavior they emulate. It just stands to reason that if we know they are modeling our behavior we model behavior we want to see.
ive never understood this idea that when spanking a child it should never been done out of anger. i bet that most parents spank when they are angry (right at that very second) and dont wait until theyve cooled down to do it.
i also dont understand this idea of spanking and then immediately hugging the child. it seems psychologically abusive to me and i wonder if the child will then grow up to think that violence equals love. or if the child will grow up to think that spanking is a sexual turn on.
ive never understood this idea that when spanking a child it should never been done out of anger. i bet that most parents spank when they are angry (right at that very second) and dont wait until theyve cooled down to do it.
i also dont understand this idea of spanking and then immediately hugging the child. it seems psychologically abusive to me and i wonder if the child will then grow up to think that violence equals love. or if the child will grow up to think that spanking is a sexual turn on.
HEy nicolepsy, Look here, ya scared everyone off with all your whismical genuis. Just kiddin! So would it be right to say, that you do not believe in spanking by anyone then? That last line of yours is awful scary. Well onward and upward. Did you see the post about the string bikini for toddlers?
ive never understood this idea that when spanking a child it should never been done out of anger. i bet that most parents spank when they are angry (right at that very second) and dont wait until theyve cooled down to do it.
i also dont understand this idea of spanking and then immediately hugging the child. it seems psychologically abusive to me and i wonder if the child will then grow up to think that violence equals love. or if the child will grow up to think that spanking is a sexual turn on.
The operative word there is should. Of course the latter happens, but there are plenty of parents who don't spank who discipline out of anger rather than true discipline. I have seen parents who won't spank who will call their children all kinds of names.
When you spank then hug, you don't do it without any words. You tell the child the spanking is for the misbehavior and the hug is because you still love the child. The whole idea of "love the sinner not the sin"
How can you hit a child when we teach them not to hit?
SAHM mom of 2, with a teaching degree, who does not believe in hitting of any kind.
The challenge is to be able to control your child without becoming out of control yourself.
For the record, I got spanked as a kid and I'm not emotionally disturbed at this point.
Those of you calling it abuse are complete wusses. Spatting on a kid on the fat of his butt for doing something wrong isn't abuse. It goes away after a while. Get over it. Just because a kid is spanked once or twice in his/her life doesn't mean they're going to show up on Oprah the next day.
This needs to stay an education conversation and not a personal one. We DON'T need to get into that argument, because I'm beginning to see it pop up.
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Stop! and listen to your children and take time to put action to their words. 
Unite
So would it be right to say, that you do not believe in spanking by anyone then? That last line of yours is awful scary.
Well onward and upward. Did you see the post about the string bikini for toddlers? 
