Since when is jewellery gay? (guys, tone, fashion, male)

[Treffer]

Hi

I'm a degreed senior professional (6-figure salary) late 30s male. My dad's family is Latin-European (Portuguese) and my mom's Asian (Indian). In both these cultures men wearing jewellery (even "blingy" pieces) is quite common and I grew up in an environment where even the average Joe sported decent pieces. However, its becoming too often that my taste in jewellery is thought to say something about my sexual preference.

When I'm in formal clothing, I would traditionally wear:
- An earing on my left ear (simple stud/hoop);
- A gold gem-studded boutonniere (alternating with a pocket square or a beaded flag lapel pin depending on occasion);
- A neckchain either in Yellow Gold (with Blazer/Sports Coat) or Platinum (formal 2 piece suit) over my shirt ending under my tie;
- A wrist watch (I collect fine Swiss time pieces, Rolex/Cartier/Omega/JLC etc) on my left wrist;
- A yellow gold arm chain on my right wrist;
- Cufflinks (mainly gold gem-studded);
- Right hand: 2 tone White/Yellow Gold Thumb ring & Yellow Gold and Diamond Pinky Ring;
- Left hand: Yellow gold and diamond dress ring;
All the rings are in very masculine settings and many of the pieces are inherited items (so other men before me had no problem wearing them and I would rather wear them than leave them in a safe!)
Also although the list seems long its no Liberace look for sure!

Since I've been working on my career and I've been hit quite badly by the "great recession" I haven't had the opportunity to settle down in a meaningful romantic relationship. And just being single in my 30s raises some eyebrows!

As far as sexual preference goes I've decided to marry a wonderful woman (how we met is the subject of a different posting) but because my interest in helping people (I think single people have more time to do that) is so often thought to have selfish/ulterior motives ("he wants to get into your pants!") by both guys and gals I've decided that that I will wear, for now, a mangagement ring (I've decided on a platinum 0.5ct diamond - again in a very manly setting) and just a plain platinum and white gold wedding band.

I will openly admit that I am metrosexual, I pay attention to what I wear, work out daily and eat healthily to keep my body in good shape and enjoy wearing fine fragrances [Acqua di Gio Essenza is my "signature scent"]. I think I work very hard and have had to make many sacrifices to afford these luxuries and therefore should spoil myself [Life is short and if I don't spoil myself I've learnt no one else will] and I'd like to think it says something about loving myself.

What I can't understand is how jewellery has come to be an expression/symbol of sexual preference? Is it a "redneck American thing", is it a "Cowboy's don't cry", sort of thing. I am actually quite frustrted by the assumption that I'd like to be with another guy and indeed by my colleagues outright asking me this! I'd would think that in 2015 people would be quite upfront about their sexuality and secret symbols should have past their sell-by-date.

I'd really like to know how jewellery took on this meaning and how others who like to spoil themselves this way react to the stigma. Please share your thoughts:

[Pitt Chick]

Originally Posted by Treffer

Since when is jewellery gay?

Jewelry does not have gender or a sex life...

[fleetiebelle]

Yeah, I don't know that the jewelry itself is the issue, but most average American men (even gay guys) don't do the peacocking thing. They might wear a watch and their wedding ring and maybe a chain (under the shirt.) What you're describing in the OP sounds a bit excessive and isn't the cultural norm. I confess that my mental picture of a guy wearing all that you're describing is of a Jersey Shore-guido type or Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. Not gay, but not exactly flattering.

[Boris347]

Originally Posted by Treffer

Hi

I'm a degreed senior professional (6-figure salary) late 30s male. My dad's family is Latin-European (Portuguese) and my mom's Asian (Indian). In both these cultures men wearing jewellery (even "blingy" pieces) is quite common and I grew up in an environment where even the average Joe sported decent pieces. However, its becoming too often that my taste in jewellery is thought to say something about my sexual preference.

No straight guys I know wear that much Jewelry. If I saw you with all that on, I would think the same thing, and don't even know you. Sorry. You asked. You sound like you look Gay, from what you describe.

Who cares what other folks in other Countries do. Here is not over there. In some places, a bone through your nose is fashionable. Here, kids and adults would likely run from you. Native Americans wore Leathers and Feathers. Seen any lately?


Ditch the earing and the thumb ring. Not a man thing, regardless of what one may argue. Watch is OK, and max two rings (one on each hand) are OK, as long as not a "Bling Ring" that a woman would wear.

Adapt or remain a Gay poster image.

[puginabug]

OP, do random people come up to you and ask you if you are gay? Do gay men hit on you when you are in "formal clothing"?

Just wondering how you've come to the conclusion that people are assuming your jewelry choices are indicative of your sexual preference.

[BamaBlue]

When I'm in formal clothing, I would traditionally wear:
- An earing on my left ear (simple stud/hoop);
- A gold gem-studded boutonniere (alternating with a pocket square or a beaded flag lapel pin depending on occasion);
- A neckchain either in Yellow Gold (with Blazer/Sports Coat) or Platinum (formal 2 piece suit) over my shirt ending under my tie;
- A wrist watch (I collect fine Swiss time pieces, Rolex/Cartier/Omega/JLC etc) on my left wrist;
- A yellow gold arm chain on my right wrist;
- Cufflinks (mainly gold gem-studded);
- Right hand: 2 tone White/Yellow Gold Thumb ring & Yellow Gold and Diamond Pinky Ring;
- Left hand: Yellow gold and diamond dress ring;
All the rings are in very masculine settings and many of the pieces are inherited items (so other men before me had no problem wearing them and I would rather wear them than leave them in a safe!)
Also although the list seems long its no Liberace look for sure!


Wow!! Maybe it "looks" better than it sounds but honestly I do have visions of Liberace, a rap artist or well-to-do pimp.

The chain outside the shirt under the tie --- no words to describe this. Sounds like jersey Guido. I have visions of Tony Soprano or John Travolta's character in "Staying Live." It all just sounds way, way over-the-top though I understand there is a cultural component here.

I'd try cutting your jewelry down by half (at least) for work. Maybe save your special pieces for your private life, non work time.

The men I associate with (at an executive level) wear:
Wedding band
Wrist watch
Cuff links (as applicable)
Occasionally… a small American flag lapel pin (not jeweled)

I'd consider this: don't dress for where you are. Dress for where you want to be. Look at executives ABOVE your level, not just jewelry, but clothing also.

[AfternoonCoffee]

I don't know that "gay" would come to mind (since I've never seen you personally) but jewelry on a man has ALWAYS been a HUGE turn off to me. Again, not "gay" but not what I consider masculine either. But I appreciate and value practical, straightforward, low-drama people, so I think my aversion to jewelry is more about that than perceived sexual orientation.

[Cida]

Traditionally, American men wore no jewelry except:
-watch
-wedding ring
-maybe, maybe, a school ring
(cufflinks don't count)

[JrzDefector]

Dude, for the most part I think you should own it. It's not something I'm attracted to as a straight woman, but I don't wear a lot of jewelry myself. And the idea that it's "gay" is kind of funny to me because my best buddy who is gay never wears anything more ostentatious than a color-coordinated pocket square (though it does look quite dapper).

I'm from Jersey - the kind of accessories you describe are not VERY out there to me, but I do think you might be overdoing it in terms of quantity. You might want to go a LITTLE easy on wearing all of that at once, not because it's gay, but because it's a bit ostentatious for American culture overall. One ring, not 3. A necklace OR a bracelet.

Where I come from, you wouldn't have people questioning your sexuality, you'd just have people thinking maybe you're taking elegant over that fine line to tacky. In India, the wearing of gold is an important part of the culture. Here, wear too much gold and you're saying "look at me - I've got money!"

But when my mother started dating a guy with good taste in jewelry, all the women in my family were talking about how sexy it was. It's like the gene for gold appreciation just skipped me or something, lol.

I'll also say that if you want to be taken seriously as a manager, it might be best to scale it back too. I don't know what industry you're in, but the one I'm in is a sort of down-to-earth guys who wear suits when they have to. (And since I'm not management, female and mostly work from home, I don't even OWN a suit these days, when once I had more than 20.) As managements becomes more and more cost conscious, someone flashing a lot of jewelry could be seen subconsciously as someone who isn't cost-attentive.

[Jowel]

OP (Treffer)- Aside from not just sporting so much jewelry that it detracts from a professional appearance that's expected of you in the workplace or not wearing so much jewelry that you're calling attention to yourself in a way that puts you in harm's way with criminals, or if there's some other unusual event (like a funeral) where conservative attire is needed to be respectful and not call attention to your bold fashion sense, I wouldn't worry about it.

Men are too restricted in their clothing/fashion/creativity to express themselves and they've allowed themselves to be coerced into thinking they have to wear totally bland stuff day in and day out.

You apparently have your own look, so own it and be proud of it (within reason as described above), and if anyone wants to base their opinion of your sexuality on your jewelry (why would their opinion matter anyway??), and more importantly, who cares what they think anyway?