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When I was growing up I was always told "You don't have to eat it if you don't like it, but you have to at least try it once before you can say you don't like it". And that if you go to someone's house and they serve something you don't like, just try a little bit to be polite, who knows maybe you will like it.
........I used to love cooking, I still like looking at cookbooks and reading recipes but he's just a cooking killjoy. .........
This sounds way beyond controlling and well into the area of emotional abuse.
I suggest that you stop accepting the abuse. Cook what you want. Enjoy new recipes. Enjoy your own cooking and if he won't eat, let him pour himself a bowl of cold cereal.
Stop allowing him to tear you up emotionally. Stop making his food issues into your food issues. If nothing that you cook makes him happy, stop trying to make him happy; it can't be done.
I totally get it. Cooking is one of the things I completely hate to do and it is mostly because of my DH.
- He doesn't know what he wants to eat until 20 minutes before dinner time, making meal planning useless.
- He is a mood eater, if he isn't in the mood for it he will not eat it even if it is something he likes and we planned together earlier in the week.
- He likes stuff until all of a sudden he doesn't. He didn't mind beans in things for awhile and then one day, he wouldn't eat them anymore.
- He will not eat most things that had been frozen before so that eliminates something like assembling meals and freezing for later.
- He rarely eats leftovers and if he does, it is only once more.
- He doesn't want to repeat meats. If he has chicken in his lunch (which he eats out when he is in the office), he doesn't want it for dinner. If he had it for dinner, he doesn't want it for lunch. He eats three meats and that's not a lot of flexibility.
- If I just make something without any input and he thinks he won't like it, he won't eat it.
I used to love cooking, I still like looking at cookbooks and reading recipes but he's just a cooking killjoy. We eat out way more than we should but most days I just don't have the wherewithal to even start the process of trying to figure out what to make, let alone make it and clean up after it. It is pretty horrible to plan and cook a wonderful meal to have someone turn his nose up at it and choose to eat nothing instead of just eating it. I feel defeated before I even start and it is a constant point of stress.
ETA: I am a decent cook, I won't say I am phenomenal but it isn't like I am making something disgusting. My food is generally always eaten at potlucks and people request recipes of things I have made. This issue isn't about someone's skill as a cook, it is about one or more people being particular and picky about what they want.
I remember my birthday dinner a couple of years ago. I chose a new place in town, one of those farm to table places. We ended up going with our neighbors and the husband is also a picky eater. He took one look at the limited menu and decided to order nothing. He just sat there while we all got our meals. My husband took one bite of his and decided it was too fancy for him so he and the other husband ended up going next door for some pizza. The food was really good, they were just being picky.
I am almost the female version of your husband, but since I am the main cook, it doesn't matter. I cannot plan, because I don't know what I will be in the mood to eat until I get really hungry. I try to freeze food for later, but in reality - it never gets eaten. I also can't have the same meat twice in a row. I like to make beans, but one bowl and that is all I will eat.
My other half doesn't eat a lot, so it helps. He doesn't eat breakfast, snacks at lunch time and if I don't cook will make something for himself. He always calls and asks if he should pick up anything for dinner.
The meals I make for him are very simple and he enjoys that. But we would have loved the farm to table meal.
Don't knock yourself out in trying to please him. Let him forage for himself every now and then. Does he know how to cook?
Don't knock yourself out in trying to please him. Let him forage for himself every now and then. Does he know how to cook?
I try not to knock myself out but it is frustrating that there are so many obstacles to something as simple as dinner. The problem is that I DO want to please my husband and I feel like a failure when I do not. That is why I totally get this article. It isn't as simple as just telling picky eaters to fend for themselves or cooking whatever because even if they take care of themselves, it is out and out rejection over and over and over again of something you enjoyed and want to share and at some point the light goes out.
And no, he generally doesn't cook. He's really bad at it actually.
I try not to knock myself out but it is frustrating that there are so many obstacles to something as simple as dinner. The problem is that I DO want to please my husband and I feel like a failure when I do not. That is why I totally get this article. It isn't as simple as just telling picky eaters to fend for themselves or cooking whatever because even if they take care of themselves, it is out and out rejection over and over and over again of something you enjoyed and want to share and at some point the light goes out.
And no, he generally doesn't cook. He's really bad at it actually.
But if you want to please your husband, and you think feeding him what he wants, is the way to do it, then do it.
Don't get frustrated since it is something you want to do. You want him to praise you for your cooking and it's not going to happen it seems, until you hit all the right buttons.
Is there something you do that he praises you about? Maybe concentrate on that. After all, it's only food. And it doesn't seem to be that important to him. And really, it isn't. If it helps to go out to eat so he can have a menu to choose from, go ahead and do that. Just buy the basics to keep at home. Don't spend on going out to eat and lots of food at home.
I'm in the process of getting rid of everything in the fridge and pantry. Not throwing it away, but eating it. Want to simplify.
What kind of meals do you plan? Maybe you are making too much. If he's okay on every other way, try not to let this get to you.
I know what hubby and I like and what he can and cannot have like black pepper, any of the bell peppers, bananas repeat on him, anything with seeds. He's not picky though by any means. Growing up my mom always cooked 2 different meals one for her and my dad and the other for us. We did not ask for this but my brother was a picky kid back then. Plus if my mother did not like something she never made it which was great because she wouldn't make stuff like liver.
When I was growing up I was always told "You don't have to eat it if you don't like it, but you have to at least try it once before you can say you don't like it". And that if you go to someone's house and they serve something you don't like, just try a little bit to be polite, who knows maybe you will like it.
I think my "plate language" speaks volumes at times. Can't recall how many times when an in-law fretted that I didn't like something because I either hardly touched it, didn't go for seconds, or left too much on my plate. Well, they were right. I didn't like it, but I certainly wasn't going to say anything. I am well aware that I am picky about certain things, so I see it more as a problem with me (although I have never seen anyone else prepare a hamburger casserole without frying the grease out of it first.. it was REAL hard to force myself to eat ANY of it).
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