Has anyone moved and left their kids behind with ex-spouse/family? (job, renting)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Better opportunity, better job, a dream to live in a certain area/state...
but major issues with moving children and not wanting a fight and just letting them stay where the rest of the family is......
Why would you move without your kids? What are the reasons for leaving them behind?
Reasons? Please see first post.
At this point, if there is a job offer, plan is to bring them of course.
Job will be better pay, better hours, lower health insurance plus more insurance, great opportunity to live in a state only dreamt about, greater possibility of furthering education with University system closer, etc.
However, their father will most likely disagree with that decision. Rather then fight and get lawyers involved, which neither of us can afford and don't need any more stress, I would consider letting them stay with their father with visitation all summer and two weeks in winter for me.
Really looking for anyone to post who has been in similar situation, thanks.
Here's my situation: I have four children-ages 24, 23, 17, and 14. Three oldest are from my first marriage. Youngest daughter's father is not really active in her life. I am not giving him an option. My current husband has no children of his own. He got transferred to Las Vegas from Detroit. I do not wish to leave any of my children, but obviously the older ones have lives of their own here. I gave them the option to come with us. The 17 yo just graduated this year and he will live with his dad. He may come out and end up staying with us. I hope so, but I understand he has a life here also. I am pretty sad about leaving them. My 14 yo is coming-no question. But, like I said I do not have to deal with her dad and my husband is basically her father.
If I did not go, I doubt my marriage would stay in tact. If he didn't go, we could not afford our home here. Work in Detroit is drying up in his business. He will get a substantial raise and a better opportunity for retirement. We will still keep the house here and my oldest daughter will live here.
Noone can tell you what is right for your situation and people can stand on their high and mighty soapboxes all they want. In the end you know what is right for you. You have to live with it. If the father is a wonderful parent then why is it any different if they stay with him or you? My mom moved to CA when I was 18 and my sister was 13 and brother was 17. We did just fine with my father. In fact, I feel that we learned to do so much on our own and are stronger because of it. We visited CA often and saw things and did things we would not otherwise have been able to afford.
It wasn't the children that had a hard time, it was my mother. She is back now after about 16 yrs of being away and she regrets it terribly. She says, to this day, that if she did not find God she would not be able to live with her guilt over not being here.
Here's my situation: I have four children-ages 24, 23, 17, and 14. Three oldest are from my first marriage. Youngest daughter's father is not really active in her life. I am not giving him an option. My current husband has no children of his own. He got transferred to Las Vegas from Detroit. I do not wish to leave any of my children, but obviously the older ones have lives of their own here. I gave them the option to come with us. The 17 yo just graduated this year and he will live with his dad. He may come out and end up staying with us. I hope so, but I understand he has a life here also. I am pretty sad about leaving them. My 14 yo is coming-no question. But, like I said I do not have to deal with her dad and my husband is basically her father.
If I did not go, I doubt my marriage would stay in tact. If he didn't go, we could not afford our home here. Work in Detroit is drying up in his business. He will get a substantial raise and a better opportunity for retirement. We will still keep the house here and my oldest daughter will live here.
Noone can tell you what is right for your situation and people can stand on their high and mighty soapboxes all they want. In the end you know what is right for you. You have to live with it. If the father is a wonderful parent then why is it any different if they stay with him or you? My mom moved to CA when I was 18 and my sister was 13 and brother was 17. We did just fine with my father. In fact, I feel that we learned to do so much on our own and are stronger because of it. We visited CA often and saw things and did things we would not otherwise have been able to afford.
It wasn't the children that had a hard time, it was my mother. She is back now after about 16 yrs of being away and she regrets it terribly. She says, to this day, that if she did not find God she would not be able to live with her guilt over not being here.
Good luck with your decision. I feel for you.
Thank you. That is the type of post I was looking for.
Two of my children are young and my third child is 18. Like I mentioned, of course!, I want to bring them with me. D*mned if I do and d*amned if I don't kind of situation. I've already decided that if their father throws a fit (which he could go either way, hard to say) that I will more than likely stay. But if the $$ at the job is really good, I will be offering him to pay less child support of course. The insurance issues will obviously benefit them as well as me as will the better hours that I will have (I work until 3:30 am now and get up at noon usually).
My best friend did this recently. I will not lie to you, it has been VERY HARD on her kids. They are 11 (boy) and 16 (girl).
She moved from Texas to Florida, and the kids remained with their Dad, who is in the Air Force, and she comes back often, but they are not happy. She was a VERY involved mother, in fact the primary caregiver. She was a SAHM for their entire lives, aside from attending college which she did when they were in school. My son (16) is best friends with her daughter and I hear first hand the things she now says about her mom.
It's not good. So I don't know, I could never do it. It depends on what kind of relationship you have with your kids in the first place I think... who is the primary caregiver (if there is a primary)...
In my friend's case their dad is a good dad (though he was a horrid husband)... this helps mitigate the pain a little. But not by any means entirely.
Better opportunity, better job, a dream to live in a certain area/state...
but major issues with moving children and not wanting a fight and just letting them stay where the rest of the family is......
Anyone?
I think it is selfish to up and leave your children. When you gave birth you promsied them you would be there... How can you just up and leave? This is being discussed in the Parenting forum right now... I think it is sad you even have to think about it... it should be obvious... You should be with your kids. What is so important that it can't wait until they are older? Seriously? You can't find a job near your CHILDREN, defensless, innocent young people who depend on their parents for EVERYTHING?!?! You should really be putting them before your desire for a DREAM come true....only create a NIGHTMARE for you children.
We lived in a small mining community in the north, and they lived in a trailer, being a family. Singles lived in bunkhouses. When they split, he held the job rating high enough for a trailer, she didn't and had to move to a bunkhouse.
She felt under the circumstances, the kids were better off with their father in the trailer, and she didn't have the finances to move south to look for a job and a place to live, car, etc.
He was/is a great father, and she felt he could provide a better environment at the time, for the kids. So she stayed very involved in their lives while they lived with him.
Over the years, both eventually moved south and spells of living with one or the other. The kids seemed amazingly happy and well-adjusted, now with great kids of their own.
Not saying it was easy on them, but then it never is.
I remember thinking at the time .. could I have done that? .. also remember thinking how I admired her for recognizing the fact that her husband could provide a more stable home life at that time than she could.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
