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Boy, everyone is against this. This is the most detestable, materialistic, judgmental piece of garbage who was also a regular at church and went to all the pilgrimages to religious sites the parish organized. And to think of all the condolences they'll receive telling them what a wonderful person she was. Heck, when Joan Crawford died, her OWN kids orchestrated the smear campaign.
Boy, everyone is against this. This is the most detestable, materialistic, judgmental piece of garbage who was also a regular at church and went to all the pilgrimages to religious sites the parish organized. And to think of all the condolences they'll receive telling them what a wonderful person she was. Heck, when Joan Crawford died, her OWN kids orchestrated the smear campaign.
That is Hollywood. That was her own children as you stated. You are NOT one of this woman's children. Why do you seem so surprised that most everyone is against this vindictive route you want to take? We are just normal everyday people who seem to have a good dose of common sense. Why do you persist in wanting to hurt this woman's child (I assume) that sent you the notice? Why is it so important to you to let this person know how you really felt about this woman? As you said, you are 1,000 miles away and will never see this person again. What did this woman do to you personally that makes you so full of anger and so revengeful? I'm betting no matter how many of us here give you the advice you asked for and the consensus is a great big "NO!", you are going to send that letter anyway and hurt the sender of this notice.
No. Not all thoughts need to be verbalized. I'd just keep my thoughts/feelings to myself. Even it if made me feel better, expressing them wouldn't serve any purpose other than to hurt people who already lost someone they loved. I would just continue to detest the person in private.
Boy, everyone is against this. This is the most detestable, materialistic, judgmental piece of garbage who was also a regular at church and went to all the pilgrimages to religious sites the parish organized. And to think of all the condolences they'll receive telling them what a wonderful person she was. Heck, when Joan Crawford died, her OWN kids orchestrated the smear campaign.
I can see why it would feel cathartic to write the letter and expose the truth. I like Ulysses suggestion of writing the letter, just not sending it. I've done so with family members to get the feelings out of my system a bit.
The thing is you wouldn't be hurting this person, but rather hurting his or her survivors. I'm taking it that who would be sending you the death notice? Why would you want to do that? Are they trying to guilt you into believing this person was a good person? If they're trying to guilt you, then I'd just ignore the death notice. Otherwise, I'd just say something like I'm sorry for your loss.
As for Crawford's kids, if they were telling the truth, it wasn't a smear campaign. Smear campaigns generally involve outright lies or at least distortions of the truth.
Sometimes people will surprise you and open up about the person they are mourning. One of my mom's cousins grew up with a father who was an alcoholic. He found AA and stopped drinking and became a much better father & husband. But this cousin still had some hurt from her dad's drinking. When she tried to express it to a family member, she shut her down, saying he'd changed and wasn't like that any more. IMO, that still doesn't change the fact that my mom's cousin was hurt and had a right to feel hurt. She wasn't saying it during the eulogy, she was saying it in a private phone conversation. But the person was close to him as well.
May by just being open & receptive, you can help the survivor that way, if it's appropriate?
If this person hurt you with his or her behavior, I can understand wanting to counter all the nice things that will be said. That's where the unsent letter may come in handy.
That is Hollywood. That was her own children as you stated. You are NOT one of this woman's children. Why do you seem so surprised that most everyone is against this vindictive route you want to take? We are just normal everyday people who seem to have a good dose of common sense. Why do you persist in wanting to hurt this woman's child (I assume) that sent you the notice? Why is it so important to you to let this person know how you really felt about this woman? As you said, you are 1,000 miles away and will never see this person again. What did this woman do to you personally that makes you so full of anger and so revengeful? I'm betting no matter how many of us here give you the advice you asked for and the consensus is a great big "NO!", you are going to send that letter anyway and hurt the sender of this notice.
You make some good points. I just wanted to see if the votes were 75/25, 100/0, or 50/50. I am sure some people are not willing to express more controversial points of view.
This goes back to a friendship that began freshman year in college. The gratuitous words that came out of this wench's mouth were repugnant and a friendship spanning decades ended over this. My parents know the details of the situation and find it disgusting. Mom and Dad are of the "let it go" school (more so my Mom).
You make some good points. I just wanted to see if the votes were 75/25, 100/0, or 50/50. I am sure some people are not willing to express more controversial points of view.
This goes back to a friendship that began freshman year in college. The gratuitous words that came out of this wench's mouth were repugnant and a friendship spanning decades ended over this. My parents know the details of the situation and find it disgusting. Mom and Dad are of the "let it go" school (more so my Mom).
And I'm just as sure that anyone who feels as strongly as you do would not hesitate or be shy about posting their views on an anonymous message board. The bottom line: like it or not is most people think it's wrong to dump hostile feelings on a deceased person's family who in all likelihood had nothing to do with your altercation with the deceased.
I think you should write it and throw it away, as some have said. You certainly seem to need to vent about it. But other than venting, what is the point? What do you hope to acheive by having this person read it?
A few years back, I heard that a retired manager where I worked had died. He was strongly disliked, with good reason, by almost everyone, including me. I told a few people, so-and-so died. Just about everyone I told said the same thing- "Oh." That's all. They didn't need to say more. We all knew what we thought. No one wants to be the person that, when they die, all people have to say is "Oh".
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