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In all other cases, I do send a sympathy card or, if the friendship has grown apart due to time and distance, I do nothing.
Majority rules, Robert - go with what you've done all along. Seriously - this is really not the time or the place - you're just going to make your old friend feel worse. If you've lost respect for him as well, then why rip off the Bandaid?
Not the time, not the place. Ashes in the wind, my friend. Take the high road, be the bigger man...but not as big as Winston Churchill....I'm sorta thinkin' you ain't ready for that prime time yet ). You can't be the bigger man in this scenario acting trashy and tacky.
And yeah - for the record - truly classy people rise above stuff like this. Seriously.
- I don't feel that a classless act makes for a classless person. If they only taped all the conversations that have taken place in the Oval Office over the years... Winston Churchill threw some zingers, too.
- I should have been clearer. While I don't like the person who the thread is about, I have also lost respect for the person who would be receiving it.
It's the first and only time that I feel such a letter may be "warranted." In all other cases, I do send a sympathy card or, if the friendship has grown apart due to time and distance, I do nothing.
Then be the bigger person and say, "I'm sorry for your loss."
...regarding someone you detest, and the person sending it knew you detested this person, instead of sending a condolence card, is it ok to instead send a brief letter telling them what you candidly thought of this person? (This piggybacks onto the "when someone you don't like dies" thread).
When my nephew through marriage told me his mother (my SIL) had died, in my head I was thinking "thank God the ***** is finally dead". She destroyed any relationship my late husband had with his family with unfounded rumors and downright lies and I wanted nothing to do with her. She never sent a card or anything to myself or my children when their father died (her brother). Instead of saying what I really felt, I just told him "I'm so sorry for your loss, I know you and your mother were very close". I will send him a "thinking of you" card on the anniversary of his mother's death in a few weeks. Because that's what a decent person does.
Status:
"In the words of Steve Winwood, Roll With It!"
(set 29 days ago)
Location: State of the closed-minded
296 posts, read 217,587 times
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Several days ago, I learned of the death of an uncle, mother's brother, who was talking smack about my mother the night before her funeral, and it got me so upset I kicked him out of the funeral, and we never spoke to each other again.
My mother actually seemed to idolize her brother, even though he was talking garbage about her.
Mother died in June, 2005, and uncle died last month, January 13, I learned of his death while visiting the find-a-grave web site, looking at the interments in the cemetery where my grandparents, mother and uncle's parents, are buried---uncle was buried next to them.
After reading his obituary on several web sites, I signed the online condolence books, simply saying to his surviving wife and son "I hope you are finding peace and comfort after your loss".
I felt it was taking the high road, and giving me closure, even though they (the uncle, his wife and kid) didn't have much consideration for my mother and myself at the time of her death.
...regarding someone you detest, and the person sending it knew you detested this person, instead of sending a condolence card, is it ok to instead send a brief letter telling them what you candidly thought of this person? (This piggybacks onto the "when someone you don't like dies" thread).
What I would do: Nothing. Toss the letter and ignore it. If it's so important to the sender that he/she questions later 'why', then you can say something.
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). You can't be the bigger man in this scenario acting trashy and tacky. 
