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Happy Times are here Again and I have each and everyone of you to thank but there is one person in this forum, I won't mention names, that contacted me through CD and wished me a Happy Thanksgiving and a Merry Christmas and I was in such pain, grief, anxiety, despair, numbness, it was my first holiday without my husband and I was to share this Holiday with just my two doggies, so I did not even thank this person or wish them the same back as I was in a dark place. Reflecting back, now I wish I had taken the time to wish this person a Happy Holiday back and that is my regret but my salvation is I contacted this person after the holidays, and to my surprise, this person changed my life forever and I do not know how to say, "thank you" enough. My gratitude and appreciation for this person will stay with me for my life time.
You see, this person from this Grief Room, allowed me to reach out and this person opened up their arms and embraced me in a way that that no other has in the past. I felt respected, cared for, appreciated and honored. This person inquired how I felt about things, actually took a interest in me, like no other. Previously, I had felt I had been kicked in the stomach so many times, that I was use to being treated with disrespect and it was customary to be told how to feel, how to act, how I should dress, wear my hair, what I ought to be doing with me life, that I should be over my grief and moving on. Doors slamming in my face as people who said they loved in the past could no longer accept my grief. I wasn't use to someone actually taking an interest in me and asking me how I felt about things, accepting how I felt, and it was alright to be who I am, they still honored me and respected me. I had no comparison until I met this person, how it was to be treated with respect and honor.
One day, I realized some of the reason for my anxiety, a REVELATION that my mind, body and spirt, awoke to and I found acceptance of myself and my whole being awoke from the depths of H*LL. I was going to be able to live as the Universe intended. One day went by and I did not cry, second day I did not cry. Humm, I thought to myself, maybe I will live through this, maybe there is hope for me. The third day went by and I awoke and said to myself, "I AM GOING TO MAKE IT" and I started to make plans, after a week in bed, atlas, I started to feel alive, each day was a improvement over the last, and I made plans to live again, I am going to attend a play with a friend, Going to lunch with a group of people on Sunday, Wednesday will be Bunko I am going to make it, and I feel HAPPINESS and a sense of well being. This person reached out to me every single day for two solid weeks, telling me they cared about me, telling me that I mattered and asking me questions of how I am doing, and never once judging me, being critical of me, just accepting me and caring through their kindness and love and without this person, I do not know if I would have made it out of the depths of deep sorrow. I finally sensed there was going to be new beginning and I could start building a new life, new friends, I now have a purpose and the strength to move on.
I thank this person from the bottom of my heart for their genuine interest in me, for reaching out and running the course, never giving up hope for me. This person is my teacher who has taught me lessons I will pass on to others for a life-time. This person taught me how to listen, patience, acceptance of myself, acceptance of others and taught me never to judge myself or others we talked about. The gift that I received from this person will be a gift for the rest of my life. A torch I will carry to pass onto others.
This person's strength lifted me up, has given me hope, and it took out of this person all of their strength and determination to help me, and I have a hunch this person's strength is less now. I have never met anyone in my whole entire life like this person I met in CD Grief Room but I hope to God I meet more people like he/she, but I have a hunch I found a 4 leaf clover.
Thank you so much my friend for all you have given to me, knowing it took every last bit of your strength, to be there for me. Every day, I would receive your emails, not just one or two but at times more than half a dozen and every day I would be excited to read what you wrote to me, and each email I received helped me deal more with my emotions, all of my pain, my grief, my anxeity. You never gave up on me, never doubted me, never told me what I should do, what I ought to do, what I need to do, but everyday you aked me questions about how I felt that day, you showed you cared, you took an interest in me, you showed me kindness. We developed a bond together, we became friends you and I who care for one another. We soon told each other we loved one another because we cared about each other in a way, only few people do nowadays. You are my teacher, you are my friend forever, you are a ever lasting gift I will cherish for the rest my life and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I AM ALIVE!!! It is time for me to live my life, to pass my love onto others, to open up my blinds that I closed up because the only feelings I felt were dark. Tomorrow, my blinds will be open, to allow the sunshine in, the neighbors will notice. The people I know personally thank you for they now see a different side of me they haven't seen in years and it is all because of you, YOU CARE!! I thank you!!
That's really lovely, Smilin...what a great tribute to someone! I suspect I know who it is, too :-)
The Grief forum is a great place to be comforted and also to reach out to others who really need that contact. Although simply by virtue of having people who are suffering together in one place it may seem sad at first, it really is an uplifting forum as you watch the changes and growth and healing for the people who come here. It's really one of the nicest forums on City-Data to come to...the posters are super and there's a sense of community here.
So glad you are all here and have found a place to share. And Smilinpretty, I'm glad you found that one special person who touched your life when you needed it most.
Good news! I'm glad you are healing. Sometimes the road lloks so bleak and all it takes in just one smile, one extra effort from somebody to make us realize there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hope your healing continues through the ups and downs of your grieving process.
Dear Smilin, I am so happy to have read your beautiful post! You have made my day, just knowing that you are alive again! You have come such a long way and we all have been blessed to watch you through this journey. You are such an inspiration to all of us, you give us great words to live by, wonderful goals to achieve, and show an example of how this journey can progress.
Bless you Smilin, I am glad to call you my friend. You go girl!!
Beautiful, smilin', just beautiful. I think I know who this person is also and I salute him/her for being so good to and for you. I am so happy for both of you. (((HUGS)))
Thank you Tam, TNgirl, no kudzu, Sam and Timing. I awoke HAPPY. I can't tell you what it feels like to feel happiness. This huge 1000 lb weight is off of me. I now accept my husband will not be coming back.
I am going to open my blinds this afternoon and allow the sun light to shine in. Right now it is in the teens, so want to wait for the outside temps rise.
Let the Good Times Role in.
YAHOO!!!
Hugs to you all, and thank you for the support you have provided to me, it is so appreciated.
.
Thank you Tam, TNgirl, no kudzu, Sam and Timing. I awoke HAPPY. I can't tell you what it feels like to feel happiness. This huge 1000 lb weight is off of me. I now accept my husband will not be coming back.
I am going to open my blinds this afternoon and allow the sun light to shine in. Right now it is in the teens, so want to wait for the outside temps rise.
Let the Good Times Role in.
YAHOO!!!
Hugs to you all, and thank you for the support you have provided to me, it is so appreciated.
.
Oh, smilin', I so can connect to your feelings. I felt the exact same way the first morning my weight was lifted. I felt like juming for joy, singing and dancing! I was so manic! It felt like being "born again" as a real live person! That was in May of last year, my jubilation has been somewhat tempered but it still makes my heart HAPPY to be alive and in the company of such wonderful people here in the Grief and Mourning forum.
Dear Smilin, I am so happy to have read your beautiful post! You have made my day, just knowing that you are alive again! You have come such a long way and we all have been blessed to watch you through this journey. You are such an inspiration to all of us, you give us great words to live by, wonderful goals to achieve, and show an example of how this journey can progress.
Bless you Smilin, I am glad to call you my friend. You go girl!!
tngirl
Are you the person she's talking about? If so, when are you going to IM me?
I'm not sure what to say because smilin' told me that this tribute is for me...I'll just say this: It's been a two-way street because smilin' definitely helped me make it through the holidays! I feel lucky and blessed to have her as a friend!...And our friendship is helping us both "blossom" and do better!..It's not just me "helping her!" She has helped me in so many ways!...My son used to send me loving and cute text messages every single morning when he was alive...After he died I didn't get any morning messages anymore...My husband is gone too...But now I receive a sweet and caring email from smilin' every single morning and I send her a "good morning" email too! Neither one of us is "horribly alone" anymore. And this makes all the difference in the world...So a great big THANK YOU to you (too) smilin' for helping me feel more alive again and a whole lot happier!
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If so, when are you going to IM me? 
